Tag Archives: Verbal Abuse

Abusive Power And Control

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The following is an excerpt of an excellent resource on Abusive Power And Control behaviors from Wikipeda. Please see the link at the bottom of this excerpt for the complete article. It does a great job of showing many of the power and control tactics used by abusive, controlling, and manipulative people in one short article. It is also helpful in that it lists what most would consider as “positive behaviors”, i.e. doing “nice things” for someone. Most articles on abuse, power and control, and coercive control focus on the overtly negative behaviors, but leave out these positive behaviors that are also used to coerce and control others.

However, it does omit Suicidality. Many abusive, controlling and manipulative people also use threats of suicide as a means of coercive control, emotional abuse and blackmail. These suicidal threats can be overt, or more subtle references to suicide, with a manipulative, controlling intent.

“Abusive power and control (also controlling behavior and coercive control) is commonly used by an abusive person to gain and maintain power and control over another person in order to subject that victim to psychological, physical, sexual, or financial abuse. The motivations of the abuser are varied and can include devaluation, envy, personal gain, personal gratification, psychological projection, or just for the sake of the enjoyment of exercising power and control.[1]

Controlling abusers use tactics to exert power and control over their victims. The tactics themselves are psychologically and sometimes physically abusive. Control may be exerted through economic abuse, limiting the victim, as they may not have the means to resist or leave the abuse.[2] The goal of the abuser is to control, intimidate, and influence the victim to feel they do not have an equal voice in the relationship.[3]

Manipulators and abusers often control their victims with a range of tactics, including, but not limited to, positive reinforcement (such as praise, superficial charm, flattery, ingratiation, love bombing, smiling, gifts, attention), negative reinforcement (taking away aversive tasks or items), intermittent or partial reinforcement, psychological punishment (such as nagging, silent treatment, swearing, threats, intimidation, emotional blackmail, guilt trips, inattention) and traumatic tactics (such as verbal abuse or explosive anger).[4]

The vulnerabilities of the victim are exploited with those who are particularly vulnerable being most often selected as targets.[4][5][6] Traumatic bonding (also popularly known as Stockholm syndrome) can occur between the abuser and victim as the result of ongoing cycles of abuse in which the intermittent reinforcement of reward and punishment creates powerful emotional bonds that are resistant to change and a climate of fear.[7] An attempt may be made to normalise, legitimise, rationalise, deny, or minimise the abusive behaviour, or blame the victim for it.[8][9][10]

Isolation, gaslighting, mind games, lying, disinformation, propaganda, destabilisation, brainwashing, and divide and rule are other strategies that are often used. The victim may be plied with alcohol or drugs or deprived of sleep to help disorientate them.[11][12] Based on statistical evidence, certain personality disorders correlate with abusive tendencies of individuals with those specific personality disorders when also compiled with abusive childhoods themselves. [13]

The seriousness of coercive control in modern Western societies has been increasingly realised with changes to the law in several countries so it is a definable criminal offence. In conjunction with this there have been increased attempts by the legal establishment to understand the characteristics and effects of coercive control in legal terminology. For example, on January 1, 2019, Ireland enacted the Domestic Violence Act 2018, which allowed for the practice of coercive control to be identifiable based upon its effects on the victim. And on this basis defining it as: ‘any evidence of deterioration in the physical, psychological, or emotional welfare of the applicant or a dependent person which is caused directly by fear of the behaviour of the respondent’.[14] On a similar basis of attempting to understand and stop the widespread practice of coercive control, in 2019, the UK government made teaching about what coercive control was a mandatory part of the education syllabus on relationships.[15] While coercive control is often considered in the context of an existing intimate relationship, when it is used to elicit a sexual encounter it is legally considered as being a constituent part of sexual abuse or rape. When it is used to begin and maintain a longer term intimate relationship it is considered to be a constituent element of sexual slavery.” https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abusive_power_and_control

Forest Bathing for Recovery From Trauma & The Litigation Therapy Racket

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MariaSoundOfMusicIn the opening scene of The Sound of Music, Maria sings “I go to the hills when my heart is lonely,  I know I will hear what I’ve heard before…”  The Sound of Music, Opening Scene  People have long known that being in nature is good medicine.  They didn’t need scientists or researchers to tell them that time spent outdoors, especially among trees, has countless health benefits.

Now science has caught up with this ancient wisdom.

Forest Bathing For Trauma Recovery  “Reconnecting to nature can be a powerful activity as part of trauma recovery and healing centered engagement. Playing in the dirt and walking barefoot heals us in infinite ways. Forests and natural landscapes expose us to healthy bacteria, sunshine, and phytoncides (chemicals released by trees that are known for their ability to improve our immune responses).  Forests decrease stress hormones and rumination and regulate our heart rate and blood pressure.”

Grandville, MAForest Bathing “Forest bathing is based on an ancient Japanese cultural respect and reverence for the natural world and the interactions with the landscape that occur as a result. Shinrin-yoku (lit. “Immersion in the Forest Air”) is an experience that lets people be mindfully present with the surrounding forest. The sights, sounds and smells of the environment support and comfort each person as they literally “bathe” in the forest air.”

And for those of us who are survivors of Therapist Abuse by court shrinks paid for by the highest bidder, we know too well the trauma when these so-called “professionals” – the lawyers, court doctors, court therapists and hired gun evaluators –  trap and re-traumatize us in their lucrative litigation therapy racket.  Forcing a trauma victim to sit in their office re-living traumatic memories while they bill by the hour, scribbling their notes, writing false reports for corrupt Child Reps, Guardian Ad Litems, and guns for hire custody evaluators.  Because you are court-ordered to do it.  How convenient for them.

The survivors of the Rwandan genocide who famously kicked out the Western mental health practitioners further illustrates the damage talk therapy can do to trauma survivors.  “As the Rwandan, paraphrased by Solomon, puts it: “Their practice did not involve being outside in the sun where you begin to feel better. There was no music or drumming to get your blood flowing again. There was no sense that everyone had taken the day off so that the entire community could come together to try to lift you up and bring you back to joy. Instead they would take people one at a time into these dingy little rooms and have them sit around for an hour or so and talk about bad things that had happened to them. We had to ask them to leave.”  Exporting trauma: can the talking cure do more harm than good?

RollingMeadowsCtI’ll never forget the corrupt Child Representative Natalie Koga’s Machiavellian sneer, and her arrogant, fake, sing-songy, patronizing voice:  “Lisa, you just need to try har-der in ther-a-peeee”.  Have you completed your “treeeat-meeent”?  While she lied and abused me in court.  Met secretly with my ex.  Harmed my child. Exploited my family.  Natalie Koga Confronted With Eye-Witness To Her Corruption

Dr. Daniel Fisher, who wrote Natalie Koga’s made to order false reports, repeated his mantra, in his saccharin-sweet, pretending to care “therapist” voice:  “How’s your “therapy” going?”  Probing for anything to pounce on, all the while, working for the other side. Dr. Daniel Fisher’s Misconduct, With Michael Volpe

Twilightzone1959And who could ever forget Dr. Fisher’s disturbing, cringe-worthy performance for a packed courtroom during one of his several days of false testimony!

Bizarrely, finishing his star turn on the witness stand, taking center stage while raising his chest into a stiff military posture,  he faced my ex-husband directly.  Then, with a grand flourish, GAVE HIM A FULL MILITARY SALUTE RIGHT IN THE FRONT OF THE COURTROOM! 

He remained “at attention” for a full two seconds, then suddenly remembering himself, flustered, looking down, eyes darting about.  My ex-husband beamed with delight as Dr. Fisher tottered off  the “stage”.  Natalie Koga rewarded him by giving him even more inappropriate power and control over our lives.

As a treating therapist, it was against the law for Dr. Fisher to take on multiple roles.  But he used this as spring-board, becoming an unofficial parenting coordinator, custody evaluator, and suddenly in charge of all of the parties court ordered “therapy”.  Dr. Fisher already had a prior license sanction for the same misconduct in another case. Fisher_Redacted

Then there’s my ex’s hired gun custody evaluator Dr. Mark Goldstein.  My attorney had already caught Natalie Koga, Child Rep, and opposing counsel Meg Jackson conspiring to have him write a false report about me.  I felt like a lamb led to slaughter, while he crossed professional boundaries, plying me with inappropriate, sick questions.

tumblr_mu9qdnUdpk1rw872io4_500When I objected, he noted that I had an “anger problem”.  But his psychological testing showed the opposite, which of course he omitted from the custody evaluation, like the good little hired gun that he was.  When I showed the natural indignation of any normal, decent person to his disgusting questions, he wrote that I was “emotionally labile“.

And Judge Alfred Levinson’s perpetually red face from sipping out of his mystery container all day long, bellowing:  “Have you completed your therapy?” –  trying to make me look crazy – because the lawyers sitting up front waiting for their cases to be called saw his courtroom was a three ring circus. And the evidence I brought. Then Natalie Koga would lie some more – ignoring my therapy report as an excuse to label me uncooperative, and continue to completely bar any communication whatsoever between my son and I.

You see, just like Nurse Ratched in One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest, they aren’t in it to help people connect with their inner strength or heal from the trauma of abuse.  They aren’t there to cheer you on to re-build your life.

As hired gun crazy-makers, these “therapists” don’t encourage you to speak your own truth with confidence.   An empowered victim is the LAST thing they want.

They don’t advise you to walk on the beach, find the peace of the woods, garden, go barefoot savoring the cool grass between your toes, laugh, make art, go to concerts, further your education – or just take a break from endless talking about it – or anything else that challenges their power and control over their cash cows.

They WANT you continually stressed and traumatized.  They have no interest in your wellness.  They are not encouragers.

That would be counter-productive to the racket.

maxresdefaultThey are the bottom feeders of their professions who need you trapped, or they won’t have a job. 

Their JOB is to Gaslight the victim.  To put them off balance – to mess with their heads.  To re-traumatize them. 

To manufacture a “crazy label” for the victim in their Kids for Cash scam.  Hiding abuse, and keeping it going is big business.  And if they could, they would keep their cash cows trapped in their litigation therapy racket forever. 

After this pack of vicious predators got through with me, I understood how so many have been bullied to death in family court.  I went from being an award-winning professional opera singer singing in Carnegie Hall,  performing comfortably for two to three thousand people, to not even able to speak.  My brain knew what I wanted to say,  but I couldn’t make the words come out of my mouth.

10367137_811465682198562_816864177374600240_nI developed “Broken Heart Syndrome” with such severe chest pain,  I struggled with my teaching job.  I went from the woman doing it all, all the time – raising her child mostly alone, running a teaching studio, singing, and maintaining a large wooded property – to bed-ridden, after these vicious people finished running me through their Kids for Cash machine.

JoDaviessCountryI knew that in order to survive, I had to go back to the country.  I fell asleep listening to the music of crickets singing.  Walked my dog in the rolling, wooded hills with the sun on my face.

I basked in the warm embraces of those who knew me best – the people who I grew up with – my family, friends and community.  This was emergency care to a soul shattered by my ex and his gang’s constant drumming of the vicious lie that I was an outcast, so why not take everything away from me anyway.

I couldn’t hold a job anymore due to the trauma of the legal abuse.  They succeeded in their goal of completely destroying me.  So I worked when I could, sometimes only an hour per day, clearing weeds 6 feet high, started a garden, and slowly resurrected a friend’s old house that had been vacant for 10 years.  I thought by saving my friend’s old family home, I just might save myself in the process.

And I slowly regained my ability to speak.  It took two years.  I set about the arduous task of rebuilding a life that my ex-husband and his gang of ruthless financial predators did everything in their power to destroy.

Plant-in-Sunlight-864x577So, go to the woods.  Let the vast, majestic strength and beauty of a forest place it’s loving arms around you.  And dance out in the sun!  Kick your shoes off.  Plunge your hands into beautiful, dark earth, get it under your fingernails, and plant a garden. Sing around the campfire, enjoy a few beers, roast some hot dogs, and howl at the moon!  

If you live in a city, and have to drive to nature, do it.  Just Do it-You’ll be glad you did!  Even large cities have nature reserves, walking trails, botanical gardens, and parks for their citizen’s tired, frayed nerves!

The great naturalist, John Muir, “father of our national parks” said:

forest-bathing-2-e1556293782134“The mountains are calling and I must go.
The clearest way into the Universe is through a forest wilderness.
Between every two pines is a doorway to a new world.
Keep close to Nature’s heart… and break clear away, once in awhile, and climb a mountain or spend a week in the woods. Wash your spirit clean.”

Widely Anticipated Article Confirms Court Mistreatment of Protective Mothers, Pt. 1, by Barry Goldstein

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Part 1

For decades, protective mothers have been complaining that family courts are tilted to favor abusive fathers and that they face corruption. Court officials have tended to respond defensively and dismissed the domestic violence victims as disgruntled litigants. Over the years an ever growing collection of research, media investigations and preventable tragedies have supported the mothers’ position, but in a form of confirmation bias, court officials have ignored inconvenient findings.

In my first book with Mo Hannah, Sharon K. Araji and Rebecca L. Bosek wrote an interesting chapter in which they looked at surveys of protective mothers in five states which showed consistent court failures to protect children. It might be easy to dismiss the research because mothers with bad outcomes might be biased, but the authors compared the mother’s complaints with credible research and found the findings supported the mothers. The courts were routinely treating the mothers as if they were not credible but the scientific findings supported other research that found protective mothers rarely make deliberate false complaints.

The ACE (Adverse Childhood Experiences) Studies from the CDC demonstrated that domestic violence and child abuse are far more harmful than previously understood and that physical abuse is not required to ruin children’s lives. In other words the courts have been minimizing the seriousness of DV and child abuse and basically ignoring non-physical tactics. Despite the research, courts are still not focused on reducing the fear and stress from abuser tactics that cause children so much harm. And most of the standard court practices undermine the needed healing.

The Saunders’ Study was designed to consider the knowledge and training about domestic violence possessed by evaluators, judges and lawyers. The Study found many of these professionals do not have the specific knowledge necessary to respond to domestic violence. Those without the needed training tend to focus on the myth that mothers frequently make deliberate false reports and unscientific alienation theories. These mistakes lead to outcomes that harm children. Five years after the release of the Saunders’ Study these mistaken assumptions continue to predominate. Saunders also looked at harmful outcome cases in which alleged abusers win custody and safe, protective mothers are limited to supervised visitation. These decisions are always wrong and based on flawed practices but remain common in the family courts.

Widely Anticipated Article Confirms Court Mistreatment of Protective Mothers

The Narcissistic Father During and After Divorce, by Lisa Thomson

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“What happens to grown children of a narcissist father during and after divorce?

This is important to consider because after you’ve left the Narcissist far behind and relieved yourself of the pain, your children continue to deal with him.  It’s not a pretty picture.  As the healthy parent, understanding the Narcissist, knowing what to expect and providing tips for the children will lessen the pain for everyone….

During a divorce, co-parenting with a narcissist can be dangerous.  They will go to great lengths to possess the children.  They will fabricate or distort the truth in order to maintain allegiance from their children.  Deep down a Narc is highly insecure. Parenting after divorce becomes a popularity contest for the Narc.  They have to ‘win’ the children at all costs. Their ego is vulnerable and causes them to lash out at the person who has rejected their idealistic view of themselves.

If you have asked for the divorce you can bet their wrath will be focused on you.  So what begins as a type of possession can escalate into a destructive pattern of parental alienation.  It is fair to say, a Narc parent is more likely than a regular parent, to use parental alienation as a method to retaliate. What begins as possessive and nonstop attention from the father inevitably turns to rejection as the children enter adulthood.”

The Narcissistic Father During and After Divorce, by Lisa Thomson

Why Family Courts and CPS Target Fit Parents, by Patricia Mitchell

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By Patricia Mitchell

Rich, poor, middle class – no child in America is safe. These words of award-winning investigative journalist Keith Harmon Snow (author of The Worst Interests of the Child) refer to the abusive practices that regularly occur within the Family Courts and Child Protective Services (CPS) Courts. On their watch, each year hundreds of thousands of children suffer from abuse (including rape and prolonged torture) that would not have happened without this court system’s initial invasion and subsequent entrapment.

Removing children from their homes, separating children from parents, and creating conflict within the family unit is good business for the judicial officials and has become what the Family and CPS Courts do best.

Court officials heavily profit from these induced conflicts. They have learned how to milk the system for financial gain, by targeting the protective (fit) parent instead of the abusive (unfit) parent, resulting in children getting placed with pedophiles, sadistic sociopaths, and narcissists, in life-threatening environments. Although “the State” will pay the court officials if a low income or poor family is involved, the system forces protective parents who are middle class or wealthier to foot the bills for all court services. Either way, rich or poor, court officials have made a big business out of family conflicts, using children as currency.

Why would the courts target a fit parent instead of an unfit parent? Because there is no money to be made off of the unfit one. The Family and CPS Courts require one parent willing to participate with them, to care about the child’s well being and, most importantly, to make a commitment to the courts. Protective parents will do anything and everything the courts demand of them. Whereas abusive parents are more likely to give in after the court system’s first hurdle, demand, or when he/she sees the bills, simply saying, “Fine, take the child.”  Why Family Courts and CPS Target Fit Parents

Annalise Rice, 19 describes her Family Court nightmare

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MINNEAPOLIS, Minn., May 5, 2017- Filed in March 2017, new Federal Civil Rights lawsuit in Minnesota hopes to strike a dagger in the heart of corruption in family courts.

Annalise Rice, 19, currently a freshman at the University of North Dakota, recently filed that lawsuit against her father, Brent Rice, a financial advisor at Merrill Lynch, as well as Hennepin and Carver counties, a judge and several court professionals and social workers. All were involved in her family court case that, she argues, deprived her of her civil rights.

All were involved in her family court case that, she argues, deprived her of her civil rights.

In an exclusive interview with this CDN reporter, Annalise Rice described a nightmarish childhood in which she was taken away from her mother without explanation and forced to live with a father who, she alleges, while mostly absent,  she alleges he was abusive when he was present. Rice ran away multiple times, including on incident during which she spent approximately one month on the run with her mother.

Read more at http://www.commdiginews.com/business-2/annalise-rice-19-describes-her-family-court-nightmare-88103/#81Jztz8rEGgfxCYD.99

 

Mom Files Civil Rights Lawsuit to Restore Parental Rights, Press Conference

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Are you Trauma-Bonded or Addicted to Toxic Love? by Kim Saeed

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“Love Addiction 101

Love addiction is a complex and foggy condition that manifests differently in everyone. Particularly common in people suffering at the hands of a person with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) or victims of narcissistic abuse, love addiction commonly appears as a deep fear of being rejected by the abuser, even though the relationship is deeply toxic.

Neurologically, love addiction is similar to drug or alcohol addiction, in that the addicted person feels unable to quit the habit of loving the abusive person, even though the relationship has disastrous effects on your health, wealth, and happiness.  It’s considered a “process addiction”, which is a set of behaviors that is considered obsessive or compulsive.

Unlike other forms of addiction, though, love addiction is often difficult to see from the outside and may even go unnoticed by the person suffering from the addiction.”

https://letmereach.com/2017/05/13/trauma-bonding-addicted-toxic-love/

Guardian Ad Litem Audit in Minnesota

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A legislative commission on Thursday approved several state programs it would like the Legislative Auditor to evaluate, including the health department’s Office of Health Facility Complaints and the Minnesota Guardian ad Litem program, both subjects of 5 EYEWITNESS NEWS Investigations in November.

The Office of the Legislative Auditor said its evaluation will look into management, governance, oversight and processes of specific program areas.”

http://kstp.com/politics/legislative-auditor-evaluates-health-department-office-health-facility-compaints-guardian-ad-litem-program-/4447495/

Easter Blessings To Those Separated From One Another Due to Family Court Corruption

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Stay Strong.  Love Wins.  Truth always eventually comes out.  Karma works, and selfish, evil people will face their Maker one day.  In the end, though they made their pile of cash, they cannot sever your Bond.