“An alienated parent’s life is an excruciating existence, one that takes an enormous amount of energy to live. The results of your efforts are always filled with disappointment and pain. What else would you do, in your life, that involves so much fortitude to be rejected every time? No one likes rejection, but for you, the alienated parent, rejection is your new normal. Still, it hurts each time you reach out to your precious child only to hear silence. The wound never gets a chance to heal.” https://www.susanshofer.com/when-parental-alienation-has-you-ready-to-give-up/
“A Message from OMB’s President (Rebecca Davis Merritt) and Vice President (Jennifer) about Domestic Violence by Proxy: You have probably seen OMB’s informational poster about why we advocate not using the term or “theory” of Parental Alienation. We post it once a month encouraging our readers to understand that the controlling behaviors of Cluster B parents in trying to place a wedge between the children and healthy parent is Domestic Violence by Proxy. The emotional abuse of a Cluster B is domestic Violence (DV). When a Cluster B personality disordered individual enters the family court system they wage war upon the healthy parent.
They may have been absent parents never attending school, medical or dental appointments but suddenly they attend everything, preening as the doting father or mother and may push for custody. Custody is seen as a prize. The goal is to hurt the healthy primary parent and save money via child support calculations.
As part of that push they groom children to see their healthy parent as untrustworthy and self-centered (projection), with divorce or separation their fault while portraying the Cluster B parent as wounded and needing the children to shower him or her with love and affection. Children often respond to this gaslighting by siding with the abusive parent. The Cluster B parent often blames the healthy parent for his or her own actions, claiming parental alienation (PA). If the children distrust Cluster B parent based upon a history of abusive behaviors, this estrangement is labeled as PA. The healthy parent, unfortunately, is at serious risk of losing custody in family court.
Men who physically batter their former partner are much more likely to gain custody than the healthy parent. Courts have been taught that women claiming DV in family court are usually lying and using this false claim to secure custody. Even when DV claims are accepted, courts falsely believe DV only affects direct victim and that abusers can be good parents to their children. Once Cluster Bs have the children away from the healthy parent, they use manipulation and other forms of abuse to convince the children that their other parent never loved them and are untrustworthy. Alina Patterson (2003) first defined Domestic Violence by Proxy or DV Proxy. DV Proxy is a pattern of behavior where a parent with a history of using domestic violence, or intimidation uses the child (as a substitute) when s/he does not have access to the former partner. Continuing the cycle of domestic violence, the cycle of Domestic Violence by Proxy starts when the victim leaves the abuser and the abuser learns the easiest way to continue to harm and control the former partner is through controlling access to the children.
Once the abuser has control of the children they are able to continue stalking, harassing and abusing the former partner even when the abuser has no direct access. DV can manifest in ways such as threats to the children if they display a close relationship with the former partner, destroying the children’s favorite possessions given by the former partner and emotional abuse. Children are often coached to make false allegations about the parent.DV by proxy is very deliberate and planned. The abusers know what they are doing and chose their controlling, coercive, and illegal behaviors. The behaviors are usually surrounded by threats and fears and often include “battery, destruction of property, locking children in rooms to prevent them from calling parents, falsifying documents, along with other similar overt behaviors.”
As the leadership council suggests, “Calling this behavior “parental alienation” is not strong enough to convey the criminal pattern of terroristic behaviors employed by batterers.” Unlike Gardner’s discredited PAS theory, the behaviors associated with DV by proxy are visible. Gardner stated the behaviors by the “alienating parent” were unconscious or unseen. This is one of the scarier components in Gardner’s theory because you cannot defend yourself against unseen things. Many healthy parents have found themselves trying to defend themselves against these unseen behaviors.
Family court professionals often fail to understand the presence and implications of both domestic violence and Cluster B psychopathology. Thus family court usually encourages unfettered access of the children to abusers. Family court judges and lawyers often work to punish healthy parents reporting bona fide abuse. Yet, they often seem to believe the victim stories told by abusers. Court officials often seem slow to recognize how family court itself can be abusive, particularly protracted, repeated, unnecessary court hearings used by the abuser to drain the financial and emotional resources of the healthy parent. Children may be placed with the abuser while the healthy parent is discredited through accusations of mental illness or PA. Other professionals involved including GALs, evaluators, therapists, etc. often take on responsibilities that are beyond their skill level. Antisocial and or Narcissistic personality disordered parents with good impression management skills are adept at “conning people, or gaining sympathy, and can win the trust and support of a family court professional while turning that same person against their ex-partner.”
###One Mom’s Battle: Our mission at One Mom’s Battle is to increase awareness of Cluster B personality disorders (Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Antisocial Personality Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder) and their impact upon shared parenting and the Family Court System which includes Judges, CPS workers, Guardian ad Litems (GAL), Parenting Coordinators (PC), Custody Evaluators, therapists and attorneys. Education on Cluster B disorders will allow these professionals to truly act in the best interest of the children.
History of One Mom’s Battle: In 2009, One Mom’s Battle began with one mother, (Tina Swithin), navigating the choppy waters of a high-conflict divorce in the Family Court System. Since then, it has turned into a grassroots movement reaching the far corners of the Earth. Tina’s battle spanned from 2009 – 2014 during which time she acted as her own attorney. Ultimately, Tina was successful in protecting her daughters and her family has enjoyed complete peace since October 2014 when a Family Court commissioner called her ex-husband a “sociopath” and revoked his parenting time in a final custody order.Tina Swithin: Tina Swithin’s books are available online at Amazon (print, Kindle or audio format). Each year, Tina offers life-changing weekends of camaraderie and healing at the Lemonade Power Retreat. Tina also offers one-on-one coaching services and a private, secure forum called, The Lemonade Club, for those enduring high-conflict custody battles.”https://www.onemomsbattle.com/blog/domestic-violence-by-proxy
Protective parents: Terms matter in the legal arena.
ABUSER, not NARCISSIST. Child abuse and domestic violence are crimes; the result of choice, not caused by mental illness or personality disorder. An abuser may also have a personality disorder, but this isn’t what causes the abuse. Calling abusive people “narcissists” reinforces legal excuses to ignore crime. Those suffering from personality disorder deserve respect, help, and support. Perpetrators of inter-family abuse suffering from personality disorder first need to encounter meaningful legal restriction before a violation of social boundary is established, the first step in their treatment.
Those suffering due to perpetrated inter-family abuse should not be subjected to mediation/ADR/psychological tests that register trauma as pathology/court-ordered co-parenting classes/referred to as a High Conflict litigant.
Domestic Violence by PROXY, not ALIENATION. Using the term Alienation-saying that a coercively controlling abusive parent is Alienating the children reinforces the myth that this behavior is more common and less serious than it actually is in contested custody cases, which adds fuel to the training organization’s fire that training in this legal tactic is justified.
Instead of adding the multitude of domestic violence cases to reinforce the legal excuse that allows abuse to be ignored by using this mild term, which doesn’t adequately represent a potentially fatal pattern of coercive control, the use of terms like Domestic Violence by Proxy child abuse or inter-family coercive control establishes advocacy for child protection and child safety in our courts.
“Aneta Hadzi-Tanovic, leader of the local Illinois Women’s Coalition, has filed an $8 million federal lawsuit against Family Court judge Robert Wade Johnson, the GAL, and her ex for conspiring to deprive her under the color of law of her right to due process and equal protection, as well as for the intentional torts “abuse of process” and “intentional infliction of emotional distress”.
Aneta’s custody nightmare mirrors women’s cases all over the country and world in which Family Court judges disregard substantial negative evidence about the father, and fabricate negative evidence about the mother, in order to justify switching custody to the father.” Mom Sues Judge, GAL and Ex For $8M In U.S. Federal Court
Dear Greatly Loved, Missed and Cherished Children,
You may have come to this site looking for answers as to what has happened, how and why everything occurred the way it did. The manipulations of the players in family court corruption, and their litigation therapy racket can be difficult to unravel. If you are struggling to understand it, know that your comprehension skills are not at fault, because the corrupt players designed it that way. Investigative Journalist Michael Volpe writes: “…that’s where corruption thrives – when you can make a situation complicated.” Michael Volpe’s Analysis of My Case
At the end of the day, focusing on every minute detail of the web of corruption just takes time away from living our own lives, free from their exploitation.
We go on. We must. Sure, we are battle-worn, exhausted, grieving over all that was taken, perhaps traumatized, and deeply puzzled as to how people could act this way. But the sad truth is, some people do. It’s up to us not to let the actions of others define us. We are NOT what THEY did to us. We are not to blame for the misdeeds of others, and we shouldn’t ever live that way. We should live free. We should know our own worth.
A child comes into the world in a state of innocence, and the right to this sovereignty of the self is the responsibility of adults to protect. This is our parental responsibility – to protect our children from awareness of adult problems, so they may develop age appropriately to maturity. Your mother would have given her right arm to be allowed to protect you.
Those who violate this right to an emerging consciousness are engaging in an act of extreme aggression. Erasing your parent is child abuse. And children must be protected against abuse. Any guilt over the situation lies squarely on the shoulders of all of the adults who were in charge. Do not ever take it on – it doesn’t belong to you. Throw it off of you, and live free.
You were a vulnerable child who deserved to be protected from adult hatred, adult issues, and the family court racket. You deserved better. How could a child ever be expected to stand against a group of adults?
The members of the family court racket are good at what they do, because this is how they make a living. They discovered that they didn’t have to work hard or have high standards in their professions, to make a huge pile of cash. They do this all day, every day, every chance they get, to many people. So if you’re struggling with why didn’t I see this coming, don’t. Who they are and what they do is not normal. So, no normal person could ever anticipate this. These people are expertcons hiding behind their positions.Let that go.
As a result, you may have difficulty trusting others. You may even find it hard to trust yourself. But you should trust yourself. It’s not your fault the adults let you down.
As you find your way out of this forest, know deep in your heart that you are important. You matter! You are worthy of the highest PRAISE for surviving it all, and you are very deeply loved. Be proud of your inner strength! Your great resilience! You are a survivor! “Believe in yourself. You are braver than you think, more talented than you know, and capable of more than you imagine.” ― Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart
You should also know you’re not alone. Sadly, there are countless children who suffered like you, none of it their fault either.
So, to any kids who may be reading this: please know that your mother grieves for you every day. She loves you with the fiercely protective, tender love of a mother’s heart. A love you’ll never comprehend until you have children of your own.
She longs to hug you, and admire how you’ve grown. To hear the sound of your voice, know your thoughts, and ideas. She wants to cheer you on again! She longs to celebrate holidays with you again, and cook your favorite foods. To share jokes, and hear your laughter. To create new memories with you! Mothers are like that. We love unconditionally. We know none of this is your fault. We’ve always known!
Our kitchens and homes are empty without you. And we wait, hoping every day is the day we can reconnect with you. So please, if you are in this situation or know someone who is, tell your mother you love her. She’s prayed for this every single day.
Take that first step. It may feel awkward, but it won’t be as hard as you think. It’ll be worth it to reconnect all of your heart and soul’s missing pieces!
So, stand up, taking control of your own life, and love whoever you want to love! Life had some bitter trials, but it can be sweet again. Youcanlive free from the hatred and conflict of others. It was never yours to begin with!
Just call her. You’ll be glad you did. Your mother is waiting with open arms.
Happy Mother’s Day to all the Moms out there screwed over by our woman-hating, abuser-loving, greedy, corrupt family courts. Mothers are amazing! It takes a really remarkable woman to survive it all. You are loved!♥♥♥You are appreciated!♥♥♥You matter!!!♥♥♥
Mother’s are givers of life, they are kind, they are strong, they nurture. They teach us what the words family, love, honor, and sacrifice mean. They laugh, they cry just like you and I. They create home. They guide, they mentor. They are nutritionists, and meal planners. They nurse, they heal, they sit with you. They are advocates, brow wipers, huggers, hand-holders, and protectors. They have style, they have grace. They create the human race.
They work hard, they put in long hours, they are industrious. They sew, they mend and tend. They garden, they shop. They are home economizers, bill payers, cooks, and chauffeurs. They are interior decorators, activity coordinators, and innovators. They tend to the animals, and all creatures under their roof. They are witty, bright, and generous of purse, time, talents, and skills.
They forgive generously, repeatedly. They are resourceful researchers, and education interfacers. They are capable, and fun-loving. They are birthday cake bakers and party makers. They plan, they coordinate, they budget, they tidy it all up. They are creative, they scurry, improvising on the spot.
Moms sparkle, they beautify! They are teachers, they are psychologists, and mediators. They discipline, they worry, they love unconditionally. They support, they cheer you on no matter what. They are determined. They have grit, they are tough.
They are loyal, they are fierce. They are temperature takers, medicine givers, appointment makers, and frequently sleep deprived. They are devoted, they are steadfast.
They are career sacrificers. They are the make do with what you havers – the thrift shop dress buyers, moving sale furniture shoppers, coupon clippers, and do-withouters. They are the the vacations, insurance and 401k go-withouters.
Mothers create the beauty and magic of holidays! They are keepers of traditions. They are gift buyers and wrappers. They clean, decorate and prepare. They hostess, entertain, then they pack it all up again. They are memory makers, and photo takers. They remember anniversaries, birthdays, and special occasions. They are the card and gift senders.
They make you smile, they go ten extra miles! They are loving, they are knowing and wise. They are special, they are quirky, they are human. They are serious, they are funny, they don’t work for mere money.
Mothers are forever connected to their children at the most basic, fundamental, core physical, cellular, mitochondrial, neurological, spiritual and emotional levels. They are all of this and so much more…they are your only, irreplaceable Mother!
♥♥♥So, to all the special, childless Moms out there – in case nobody’s told you lately – You are an amazing, terrific, remarkable, lovely, intelligent, strong, talented, resilient, breathtakingly beautiful woman! All your work matters! YOU MATTER!!!
“Victims of domestic violence and protective parents do not have equal access to justice nor do they have access to equal justice in our family courts in this State.”
Photo: Michigan Supreme Court-Chief Justice Bridget Mary McCormack, Justice Stephen J. Markman, Justice Brian K. Zahra, Justice David F. Viviano, Justice Richard Bernstein, Justice Elizabeth T. Clement, Justice Megan K. Cavanagh.
Brave Michigan Survivors of Domestic & Legal Abuse confront the reality that Mothers are not allowed to protect their children from abusive fathers, despite overwhelming, irrefutable evidence of abuse by the father. That “father’s rights” trumps all, child safety, health & well-being doesn’t matter, the right of children to have their Mothers parent them doesn’t matter, the rights of Mothers to their own children do not matter in Michigan. None of it matters and it must change now!!!!
“When a court ordered professional begins working for one side, as Dr. Fisher clearly was in this case, it is the worst of both worlds. You have a hired gun with the veneer of independence. It is something I have seen and documented repeatedly. Dr. Stanton Samenow, not only in Chris Mackney’s case, would come in as a so-called independent arbiter but end up communicating, and often being paid, exclusively with one side. He would pretend as though his so-called expert opinion was objective while being bought and paid for and that’s what it appears happened in this case as well.
Not only with Dr. Fisher, but Natalie Koga and others in this case. The veneer of independence is one of many reasons why I believe all court ordered professionals should be outlawed immediately. They are not merely a waste of hundreds of thousands of dollars but counter-productive and often actively work to create conflict in cases in order to justify their continued involvement.”–Michael Volpe, Author of Bullied To Death: Chris Mackney’s Kafkaesque Divorce
Dr. Fisher was reprimanded by the State of Illinois for Dual Role Misconduct in a prior case. “The foregoing acts and/or omissions are violations of the “Ethical Principles of Psychologists and Code of Conduct” Fisher_Redacted
The APA Ethics Code Standard 3.05 states that “psychologists should refrain from entering into multiple relationships…or otherwise risks exploitation or harm to the person with whom the professional relationship exists.” But exploitation and harm is the strategy for these court shrinks for hire.
“It is considered unethical to switch back and forth between an evaluative and psychotherapeutic role,” David Stein, Ph.D., chair of the Forensic Psychology Committee of the California Psychological Association.
UPDATE: Child Rep Natalie Koga, Judge Alfred Levinson & lawyer Elliott Heidelberger all abruptly gave up their lucrative lawyer & judge posts in Chicago to avoid investigation. Meg Jackson, opposing counsel who Koga was caught conspiring with, changed her name to “Mary Elizabeth” & moved her law practice to Lake County, Illinois. Koga found a County Social Worker/Guardian job in Arizona. Though she’s no longer licensed, Koga still lists herself as an attorney in Chicago. Meanwhile, Cook County Chicago’s “Sex For Custody” lawyer David Pisulka, who controlled the lucrative secret list of Guardian ad Litems & Child Reps, has finally been arrested and stripped of his law license, after years of the IL ARDC ignoring grievances filed.
We survivors of Therapist Abuse by these court shrinks paid for by the highest bidder, know full well the trauma when these so-called “professionals” – the lawyers, court doctors, court therapists and hired gun evaluators – trap and re-traumatize us in their lucrative litigation therapy racket.
Forcing a trauma victim to sit in their office re-living traumatic memories againsttheir will, while they bill by the hour, scribbling their notes, writing false reports for corrupt Child Reps, Guardian Ad Litems, and guns for hire custody evaluators. Because you are court-ordered to do it. How convenient for them to have such an endless supply of guaranteed paying clients. The truth of the matter is, they need you trapped, or they won’t have a job.
Dr. Daniel Fisher, who wrote Natalie Koga’s made to order false reports, repeated his mantra, in his saccharin-sweet, pretending to care “therapist” voice: “How’s your “therapy” going?” Probing for anything to pounce on, all the while, working for the other side.
And who could ever forget Dr. Fisher’s Academy Award-worthy performance for a packed court-room, while finishing the day’s pack of lies, after exiting the witness stand, he actually stood at attention in the middle of the courtroom, facing my ex-husband, raising his hand in a MILITARY SALUTE.
He should have bowed and curtsied too! This, my friends, is one of the many ways the players in the litigation therapy racket show their true colors, and why Cook County Chicago will not allow videotaped transcripts.
As the the hired gun crazy-makers, these therapists don’t encourage you to speak your own truth with confidence or put an accurate name to what the perpetrator did to you. An empowered victim is the LAST thing they want.
They don’t want you to walk on the beach, go to the woods, garden, go barefoot savoring the cool grass between your toes, further your education or career, rest, laugh, make art, or just take a healthy break from abusive talk therapy used to spin against you in their reports paid for by the other side – or anything else that challenges their power and control over their cash cows.
They are not encouragers. They’re not there for you to feel better.
You see, just like Nurse Ratched in One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest, they aren’t in it to empower people to connect with their own inner strength or heal from the trauma of abuse.
Their JOB is to Gaslight you. To minimize, and deny the abuse you suffered. To blame, and pathologize the victim. To put you off balance.
They are there to manufacture a “crazy label” for the victim in their Kids for Cash scam. Hiding abuse, and keeping it going is big business. And if they could, they would keep their cash cows trapped in their litigation therapy racket forever.