Tag Archives: psychological abuse

Back To School With Stockton’s Very Own “Science Guy”, 45 Year Stockton Science Teacher, Mr. Gary Underwood, by Lisa Nadig

No part of the following article may be reproduced or copied without the express permission of the author, Lisa Nadig. Ms. Nadig is a graduate of Stockton High School and DePaul University. The above photo is from the Stockton Public Schools Radiothon, Fall 2021. Pictured is Superintendent James Bunting (Center) holding the microphone, without his mask. All photos have been previously published on the world wide web, the school’s social media sites, throughout the news media, and republished according to fair use laws.

Back To School With Stockton’s Very Own “Science Guy”, 45 year Stockton Science Teacher, Mr. Gary Underwood, by Lisa Nadig

September 23, 2021, Stockton School Board Meeting, Stockton, IL: It’s time we all took a refresher course, a review of lessons learned in Science Class. Here to help us is 45 year Stockton High School Science Teacher, Mr. Gary Underwood.

Mr. Underwood very graciously accepted my invitation to address the Stockton School Board meeting. He began by clearing up the definition of the word Science: “Science is the search for truth. But now, this isn’t Science, it’s Political Science. ” Mr. Underwood then gave a brief review on Viruses. He asked us: “Have any of you ever seen a virus?” When nobody responded that they had, he said: “You need an electron microscope to see a virus.” Before Mr. Underwood concluded his refresher course on Science and Viruses, he looked around the gymnasium and said: “There isn’t a single mask in this entire place that could stop a virus.

School Board President NEIL CAHILL (Rear Row, 2nd from Right) voted to keep our kids in masks all day but clearly enjoys Mask Optional at his convenience. Mr. Cahill has been observed harassing the people at Board Meetings over how they’re wearing their masks. Middle School Boy’s Basketball, Winter 2022, Stockton HS Gym, Stockton, IL. Photo from Stockton Schools social media sites, and media at large.

I would like to thank Mr. Underwood for our sorely needed science refresher course. It seems to me that “Science” is a word that’s become a political weapon, that it means whatever drives a certain financial or political agenda.

Stockton School Board Members, NICOLE HAAS (Rear Center) & TONIA BLAIR (Front Center) who Voted To Keep Our Babies In Masks All Day, but enjoy Mask Optional for themselves. Ms. Haas & Ms. Blair were filmed harassing and mocking members of the public, as they peacefully exercised their legal rights to speak at an Open School Board Meeting. Corner Tap, Main Street, Stockton, IL

I’m also grateful to hear that Mr. Underwood is not afraid of viruses to the point he would sit home in fear and isolation, or endorse reliance on a thin piece of cloth to feel “Safe”. Nor is Mr. Underwood hypocritical or willing to misuse his position of power and influence to force children to do something he himself is not really willing to do.

Stockton School Board Member TONIA BLAIR (left) goes Mask Optional but Voted To Keep Our Kids In Masks All Day. Ms. Blair was filmed angrily berating and mocking the public as they peacefully exercised their legal rights to speak at an Open School Board Meeting. Corner Tap, Main Street, Stockton, IL

But our school board is regularly observed parading around our community without their masks on – defying the governor’s mandate to wear masks in these public places. They freely waltz into school events, stores, restaurants and bars all over town on a daily basis, without the masks they gladly force our babies to wear all day, AND in open defiance of the governor’s mandate for masks in all public places.

But let’s go back to that word “Safe”. Wow! Now that’s another word misused to create fear. How many times do you hear “Stay safe!” If I hear someone tell me “Stay safe” when I go to a public place, I know they too are living the lie, and pretending that living in fear – while traumatizing our children – is somehow a really grand, and noble thing.

Stockton School Board Member, Laura Dittmar-Wilkinson, who voted to keep the Mask Mandate – masking our kids all day long, decides to attend a school event as “Mask Optional” in the Stockton High School Gymnasium, Stockton, IL. Edited to add: Ms. Dittmar Wilkinson has since stated that at this particular event she only removed her mask for a photo (which is against the Mandate). However, she has been frequently observed not wearing her mask at all, throughout the community.

But if the Stockton School Board really believed their own lies – that the mask is keeping everyone safe – including them – they’d never take it off in public, would they. And if they really believed in the governor’s mandate to wear masks in all public places, they wouldn’t openly defy it out in front of us every day.

Franklin Delano Roosevelt once said: “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” That’s as true today as it was when our country faced the Great Depression, and World War II.

But the thing I fear isn’t a virus that the vast majority of people fully recover from. And the Stockton School Board has proven they don’t really fear it either, by their own actions out in the community every day – they just PRETEND to be afraid.

No, what I fear most are School Board members who would dare presume to know more about Science than our Science Teacher.

I fear School Board members who are willing to throw our children’s education away just for the Covid Relief payoff – throwing the baby out with the bathwater – because they’ve lost approximately 10-15 children to homeschooling already – at approximately $16K per child! So, on the low end of 10 children at $16k per child, for 12 years, is $1.92 Million, nearly twice the $1.12 Million in Covid Relief funding received for this school year.

Our school enrollment has already been rapidly dwindling for years, to the point that not too long ago, there was a push to consolidate with the Warren schools. High School enrollment is already down approximately 50% over the last few decades. Can we really afford to continue to lose students? This is certainly very poor long-term planning.

I fear School Board members who are so threatened by anyone who disagrees that they attempt to deprive them of their First Amendment rights through intimidation, and smear campaigns. Who illegally attempt to silence dissent by harassing, bullying and openly mocking the public for peacefully exercising their right to speak at Open Meetings – in violation of the Open Meetings Act.

I fear School Board members who force kids to do what they themselves won’t do, just so they can look “politically correct”, while they do “virtue signaling performance art” for each other, but at the same time, demonstrating publicly that these were really just sham performances.

I fear school board members who’ve forgotten their duty to serve the public with respect, grace, dignity and diligence. I fear school board members who seem blissfully unaware of the momentous task ahead of them in repairing the public’s trust and goodwill.

I fear Big Pharma CEO’s beholden to shareholders profits, driving medical treatment decisions for patients instead of Doctors. I fear the exploitation of our precious children, by turning them into mere commodities for a political and financial agenda. I fear the physical and emotional abuse of our children – forced to wear an absolutely disgustingly filthy cloth on their faces all day. I fear turning our precious children into sacrificial cash cows.

I fear notoriously corrupt Illinois politics – ranked among the worst in the country – compromising our children’s education and futures. I fear the political posturing, Big Pharma corruption, propaganda campaigns & corruption at the federal, state and local levels, cherry-picking evidence, lying, bullying, tyrannical overreach, law breaking, violations of our Constitutional rights, vicious, baseless smear campaigns, and witch hunts by those with ulterior financial and political motives.

THIS is what we ALL should fear.

When Parental Alienation (DV by Proxy) Has You Ready To Give Up, Susan S. Hofer

Being an Alienated Parent is Excruciating

An alienated parent’s life is an excruciating existence, one that takes an enormous amount of energy to live.  The results of your efforts are always filled with disappointment and pain.  What else would you do, in your life, that involves so much fortitude to be rejected every time?  No one likes rejection, but for you, the alienated parent, rejection is your new normal.  Still, it hurts each time you reach out to your precious child only to hear silence.  The wound never gets a chance to heal.https://www.susanshofer.com/when-parental-alienation-has-you-ready-to-give-up/

Healing After Narcissistic Abuse & “Unpacking” Your Core, Online Seminar w/ Dr. Ramani Durvasula, 8/14/21

Saturday, August 14, 2021, 1-4 PM CDT

When we think about narcissistic abuse, recovery is impacted by numerous processes – it’s not just about the frustrations, hurts, traumas, and emotional abuse that occurs within these relationships, but a much deeper iceberg – legacy issues, self-blame, shame, trauma bonds, and lots of dissonance. ….This workshop will provide an overview of and deep dive into these “core issues,” link these to the vulnerabilities to narcissism and high conflict personality styles, as well as how they impact healing, recovering, and getting stuck in these relationships. This workshop will also take on a sort of 5-part life map that guides you through the areas of life that are affected by narcissistic abuse, how to address these areas of your life, and consider them whether you are still in the relationship, are no longer in the relationships, or aren’t sure what to do. … I do hope you can join this workshop – there will be a brief overview of the patterns observed in narcissistic abuse survivors, dynamics inherent in these relationships, a review of family roles and risk factors for narcissistic relationships and then an introduction to the CORE model and the 5-part life map as a way of understanding some of the root issues to help you navigate, survive, recover, and hopefully avoid these relationships in the future.”

https://www.eventbrite.com/e/healing-after-narcissistic-relationships-unpacking-your-core-tickets-163951666849?fbclid=IwAR1ENajL0srjflv0cZ8Lq4OJISzav54dVsK89L8KmHD3gc5uW8WKtnl8_Yk

Abusive Power And Control

The following is an excerpt of an excellent resource on Abusive Power And Control behaviors from Wikipeda. Please see the link at the bottom of this excerpt for the complete article. It does a great job of showing many of the power and control tactics used by abusive, controlling, and manipulative people in one short article. It is also helpful in that it lists what most would consider as “positive behaviors”, i.e. doing “nice things” for someone. Most articles on abuse, power and control, and coercive control focus on the overtly negative behaviors, but leave out these positive behaviors that are also used to coerce and control others.

However, it does omit Suicidality. Many abusive, controlling and manipulative people also use threats of suicide as a means of coercive control, emotional abuse and blackmail. These suicidal threats can be overt, or more subtle references to suicide, with a manipulative, controlling intent.

Abusive power and control (also controlling behavior and coercive control) is commonly used by an abusive person to gain and maintain power and control over another person in order to subject that victim to psychologicalphysicalsexual, or financial abuse. The motivations of the abuser are varied and can include devaluationenvy, personal gain, personal gratificationpsychological projection, or just for the sake of the enjoyment of exercising power and control.[1]

Controlling abusers use tactics to exert power and control over their victims. The tactics themselves are psychologically and sometimes physically abusive. Control may be exerted through economic abuse, limiting the victim, as they may not have the means to resist or leave the abuse.[2] The goal of the abuser is to control, intimidate, and influence the victim to feel they do not have an equal voice in the relationship.[3]

Manipulators and abusers often control their victims with a range of tactics, including, but not limited to, positive reinforcement (such as praisesuperficial charmflatteryingratiationlove bombingsmilinggifts, attention), negative reinforcement (taking away aversive tasks or items), intermittent or partial reinforcement, psychological punishment (such as naggingsilent treatmentswearingthreatsintimidationemotional blackmailguilt trips, inattention) and traumatic tactics (such as verbal abuse or explosive anger).[4]

The vulnerabilities of the victim are exploited with those who are particularly vulnerable being most often selected as targets.[4][5][6] Traumatic bonding (also popularly known as Stockholm syndrome) can occur between the abuser and victim as the result of ongoing cycles of abuse in which the intermittent reinforcement of reward and punishment creates powerful emotional bonds that are resistant to change and a climate of fear.[7] An attempt may be made to normaliselegitimiserationalisedeny, or minimise the abusive behaviour, or blame the victim for it.[8][9][10]

Isolationgaslightingmind gameslyingdisinformationpropagandadestabilisationbrainwashing, and divide and rule are other strategies that are often used. The victim may be plied with alcohol or drugs or deprived of sleep to help disorientate them.[11][12] Based on statistical evidence, certain personality disorders correlate with abusive tendencies of individuals with those specific personality disorders when also compiled with abusive childhoods themselves. [13]

The seriousness of coercive control in modern Western societies has been increasingly realised with changes to the law in several countries so it is a definable criminal offence. In conjunction with this there have been increased attempts by the legal establishment to understand the characteristics and effects of coercive control in legal terminology. For example, on January 1, 2019, Ireland enacted the Domestic Violence Act 2018, which allowed for the practice of coercive control to be identifiable based upon its effects on the victim. And on this basis defining it as: ‘any evidence of deterioration in the physical, psychological, or emotional welfare of the applicant or a dependent person which is caused directly by fear of the behaviour of the respondent’.[14] On a similar basis of attempting to understand and stop the widespread practice of coercive control, in 2019, the UK government made teaching about what coercive control was a mandatory part of the education syllabus on relationships.[15] While coercive control is often considered in the context of an existing intimate relationship, when it is used to elicit a sexual encounter it is legally considered as being a constituent part of sexual abuse or rape. When it is used to begin and maintain a longer term intimate relationship it is considered to be a constituent element of sexual slavery.” https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abusive_power_and_control

Gaslighters Tactics: Double-Bind, Lisa Nadig

Grandville, MA“If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don’t give way to hating…”
from “If” by Rudyard Kipling

This is part one in a series exploring the various tactics Gaslighters use to silence, control, isolate, marginalize, and psychologically torture their victims.  This article will explore the double bind – the no-win situation engineered by the Gaslighter.  One psychoanalyst, Lenoard Shengold, described this process as “soul murder”.

Gaslight_1944_trailer(3)Gaslighting, at it’s very core, is an attempt to “drive someone crazy”, and to orchestrate this belief in the victim’s support system, to isolate them.  It’s a calculated, preemptive strategy to discredit the victim, so that the Gaslighter can abuse with impunity, while even recruiting proxies to join in.  Thus, the abuser escapes accountability, the victim is alone, making it impossible to fight back, while a group of proxy abusers is formed, frequently even from the victim’s own family, who will carry on the abuse, group or family mobbing and social bullying, even in their absence.

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which a person or a group covertly sows seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or group, making them question their own memory, perception, or judgment, often evoking in them cognitive dissonance and other changes including low self-esteem. Using denial, misdirection, contradiction, and misinformation, gaslighting involves attempts to destabilize the victim and delegitimize the victim’s beliefs. Instances can range from the denial by an abuser that previous abusive incidents occurred, to the staging of bizarre events by the abuser with the intention of disorienting the victim.”

Gaslight“The term originates in the systematic psychological manipulation of a victim by her husband in Patrick Hamilton’s 1938 stage play Gas Light,[4] and the film adaptations released in 1940 and 1944.[5] In the story, the husband attempts to convince his wife and others that she is insane by manipulating small elements of their environment and insisting that she is mistaken, remembering things incorrectly, or delusional when she points out these changes.   Gaslighting-Wikipedia

One of the most insidious, underhanded tactics Gaslighters use, is to manufacture situations where the victim cannot confront the inherent dilemma, and therefore can neither opt out, or resolve the situation.  So, the double-bind is two conflicting demands, neither of which can be ignored or escaped.  The victim is torn both ways, and no matter which way they turn, or how hard they try, they can never win.  The Gaslighter knows the game is rigged, but the victim doesn’t find out until they have exhausted every possible attempt to satisfy the demands of the Gaslighter.

double-bindA few of my own personal examples are as follows:  The Gaslighter regularly complained that he needed me to “make more money”.  Unknown to me, he went behind my back to my family making those same false allegations, while turning on his magnificent “charm”.  It’s important to note that not only was there a heavy guilt trip, demanding that I “do more”, facts were conveniently missing from these statements and demands – the money I was earning already, along with the substantial savings by having no child care expense.

I was already well-trained by the Gaslighter to believe anything that went wrong  must be my fault, and could be fixed if I’d only try harder.  So, I got more employment, but it would require the Gaslighter to help by putting our child on the school bus two mornings per week.  He readily agreed, and so I began the job.  However, after a few weeks, the Gaslighter made vague excuses and suddenly wasn’t available, even though his job allowed him to do it.

This happened repeatedly.  The Gaslighter loudly complaining about a fictitious lack of money for all to hear.  Then I would start a job, only to have him duck out on his responsibilities after a few weeks.  It became a repeating cycle, with the Gaslighter sabotaging my employment every single time.  Yet, he continued blaming me for not earning enough, and complaining about my so-called “unwillingness to work” behind my back to my family, while of course, never admitting that he was purposely sabotaging it.

Another double-bind the Gaslighter manufactured was “losing the house”.  The family home went into foreclosure during the separation, when the Gaslighter stopped paying the mortgage.  However, the mortgage was only in his name, and I had no legal rights to even talk to the bank, much less pay the mortgage.

But yet, I was the only one attending all of the foreclosure court dates downtown at the Chicago Daley Center – alone.  After considerable effort, with the help of a foreclosure community action group, I somehow even managed to work my way up to the very top of management at Bank of America, obtaining an unheard of meeting with the VP of State Government Relations.  This bank executive put me into a cab with her where we went to meet with the underwriter.  A deal was offered that would have allowed us to keep the family home for our child.  They agreed to refinance the loan, and allow me to assume the mortgage after a month’s time.

All the Gaslighter had to do was provide documents directly to the bank to process the refinance, since the mortgage was only in his name.  Then, after refinancing, they would let me assume the loan.  So not only could the family home be saved for our child, the Gaslighter would no longer have a foreclosure on his record.   This was beneficial to him as well.

The VP of Government Relations sent an email to the Gaslighter, outlining the bank’s offer, as well as assurance his information would be confidential, and I would not have access to it.  However, the Gaslighter refused to provide the documents.  He wasn’t asked for any money-only documents.

This double-bind was set up so that he could blame the loss of our house on ME, while omitting the fact that he made it happen.

With this strategy, he was able to falsely portray me as a lazy person who couldn’t be trusted with money, to my family.  These are a few of the tactics that enabled him to influence my elderly, ill father to give him tens of thousands of dollars for family court lawyers, and to sign over my share of our four generation family farm trust to him.  It also enabled him to get money out of my very elderly grandmother.

birdescapecageIt can be a very arduous, painful process, but, the victim can slowly heal from the deep traumas created by the Gaslighter.   In time, with hard work, much perseverance, and a strong support system, the victim can re-claim their own voice.  It may be difficult to see, but there is life out there beyond Gaslighting, abuse, trauma, and social bullying.

ScapegoatNaive, easily-deceived people may be forever lost to us.  And, there are those who will never be able to let go of the Gaslighter’s smear campaign because it serves their psychological need for a scapegoat.  There are also those simply too proud to admit they were duped.  While they may be lost forever, the world keeps turning, life goes on without them, and I wish them well.  But, one by one, many have also quietly come to offer heart-felt apologies for listening to the lies, and participating in the family mobbing, as they have finally taken the time to remember who I am, and investigate all of the facts.

Sadly, the Gaslighter will always be who they are, forever trapped in their sick, compulsive need to control others, and use them to soothe their fragile egos.  But the victim can heal, and there is much joy out there in the real world, free from days spent being traumatized, isolated and exploited by a Gaslighter.

It is important to note, that if you have been fooled or manipulated by a Gaslighter, you are a victim too.  Gaslighters are very highly skilled manipulators, and most people have difficulty seeing through their considerable charm, elaborate layers of lies, subtle manipulations and distortions of the truth, and their seemingly uncanny ability to zero in on each victim’s particular emotional  weak point, to manipulate them for the desired effect.  Most people don’t operate in this purposely deceitful manner, and so they naturally don’t expect others to do so, particular when it is someone you love, trust and admire, or sadly, even rely upon.  Don’t be too hard on yourself, if you too were deceived about the victim.  Victims come to realize that those who were manipulated against them are not really to blame – the real blame lies with the Gaslighter!

Please visit the Resources page for further information on Gaslighting:  Resources

FreeBirg

The Verbal Vomit of the Psychological Abuser: Projection and Blame-shifting

Have you ever noticed that the psychologically abusive person invariably accuses you of what they’re really doing?  Once I understood this, I never bothered to entertain these pathetic, over the top, manipulative mind games again.

Their nonsensical word-salad, hysterical shrieking & carrying-on, their woe-is-me guilt trips, sneaky, sleight of hand distractions, lies of omission, half-truths & distortions, “because I said so” circular logic, their exaggerated over-acting, wild gesticulations, stomping about, and verbal diarrhea will show itself as the ridiculous and pathetic over-acting job that it really is; a desperate attempt to conceal who and what they really are, underneath their carefully crafted, charming charade.  And you will know everything that they themselves are really up to, behind all of their ridiculous blustering, and blundering about.  The following article does a wonderful analysis of these sad tactics.

“Like a volcano burbling and and ready to spew hot magma, hissing and blowing steam, prepared to erupt at any given moment, narcissistic abusers have great difficulty when their false self mask slips. Underneath the mask lies a psychic void in which the narcissist seeks to extract ego fuel, or narcissistic supply, from his/her relationships and interactions (Schneider, 2017). When a narcissistic abuser feels exposed due to a short-coming of their own, this person will feel as if a narcissistic injury has been imposed upon them by their targeted object (person supplying ego fuel).  It’s hard to fathom that setting a healthy boundary with a narcissist is interpreted by the abuser as an egregious, blasphemous and slanderous statement they take very personally. A healthy individual would receive a constructive comment as an opportunity to learn, grow, make amends, compromise, and evolve with their loved one. A narcissistic person is threatened by any input which renders them any thing less than exceptionally unique and special.”

Complete Article: The Verbal Vomit of the Psychological Abuser: Projection and Blame-shifting

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How To Overcome Fear After Psychological Narcissistic Abuse, by Kim Saeed

How To Overcome Fear After Psychological Narcissistic Abuse, by Kim Saeed

“Understanding how to overcome fear is a crucial part of narcissistic abuse recovery.  As you wander out into the world free from the narcissist’s chains, you might feel, well, off.  You probably find yourself second-guessing every decision you make. Maybe you’ve noticed your behavior is more impulsive than you remember.  This is normal.”  How To Overcome Fear After Psychological Narcissistic Abuse

What Is Coercive Control?

Coercive control is dangerous to your mental health.  It is sneaky, insidious, manipulative, and ultimately very destructive.  These all-encompassing strategies to control someone’s realities, their personality, daily interactions may not seem to be like “real abuse”, but it is definitely very harmful.   The goal is to completely overpower you until you no longer remember who you are, until the abuser has complete control over every aspect of your life, and of your very identity.

https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/car.2611 When Coercive Control Continues To Harm Children Post-Separation

 

Why Family Courts and CPS Target Fit Parents, by Patricia Mitchell

By Patricia Mitchell

Rich, poor, middle class – no child in America is safe. These words of award-winning investigative journalist Keith Harmon Snow (author of The Worst Interests of the Child) refer to the abusive practices that regularly occur within the Family Courts and Child Protective Services (CPS) Courts. On their watch, each year hundreds of thousands of children suffer from abuse (including rape and prolonged torture) that would not have happened without this court system’s initial invasion and subsequent entrapment.

Removing children from their homes, separating children from parents, and creating conflict within the family unit is good business for the judicial officials and has become what the Family and CPS Courts do best.

Court officials heavily profit from these induced conflicts. They have learned how to milk the system for financial gain, by targeting the protective (fit) parent instead of the abusive (unfit) parent, resulting in children getting placed with pedophiles, sadistic sociopaths, and narcissists, in life-threatening environments. Although “the State” will pay the court officials if a low income or poor family is involved, the system forces protective parents who are middle class or wealthier to foot the bills for all court services. Either way, rich or poor, court officials have made a big business out of family conflicts, using children as currency.

Why would the courts target a fit parent instead of an unfit parent? Because there is no money to be made off of the unfit one. The Family and CPS Courts require one parent willing to participate with them, to care about the child’s well being and, most importantly, to make a commitment to the courts. Protective parents will do anything and everything the courts demand of them. Whereas abusive parents are more likely to give in after the court system’s first hurdle, demand, or when he/she sees the bills, simply saying, “Fine, take the child.”  Why Family Courts and CPS Target Fit Parents

Mom Files Civil Rights Lawsuit to Restore Parental Rights, Press Conference