Tag Archives: Narcissism

Narcissists Get Away With It Because They Are Enabled/Six Things The Enablers of Narcissists Say To You, Dr. Ramani

Dr. Ramani Durvasula is on a mission to demystify and dismantle the toxic influence of narcissism on all of our lives. She is a clinical psychologist in private practice in Santa Monica and Sherman Oaks, CA and Professor of Psychology at California State University, Los Angeles, where she was named Outstanding Professor in 2012, and a visiting professor at the University of Johannesburg. She was also the national recipient of the American Association of University Women Emerging Scholar Award.

“The reason Narcissits hold so much power in your family, your workplace, and society is because they are enabled. In workplaces nobody wants to kill the “golden goose”, society confuses arrogance and narcissism with confidence, families are scared of the narcissists’s rage, and social media rewards the outrageous, shameless behavior that narcissists are the masters at. The challenge is that once you’ve been woke to this pattern of narcissism, you see it and you can’t unsee it, and not just in the narcissist that has lead you on this journey of becoming more knowledgeable, but also in many people around you. You start to see that you have been playing on a toxic playing field for a long time. But if you know some of the kinds of statements and things that the enablers say, it lets you know that you are in fact potentially dealing with enablers and perhaps you can then stop questioning yourself, set better boundaries and hold onto your own reality.”

What Causes Narcissism? Research Is Mixed But Studies Point To Parental Overvaluation, Shahida Arabi

Written by Shahida Arabi, MA

When the term narcissism is used in popular culture, there is usually a definitive statement declaring that all narcissists must have a background of childhood trauma and abuse. However, according to research that’s not always the case – at least, not in the way people definitively describe it.

There have actually been mixed empirical “results” on the causes of narcissism from studies that have investigated it, with some studies showing contradictory results regarding which parenting styles result in grandiose or vulnerable narcissistic traits. The results so far suggest that narcissists may come from a variety of backgrounds – whether that includes overvaluation, lenient parenting, some form of neglect or maltreatment, or a combination of factors.”

https://selfcarehaven.substack.com/p/the-causes-and-origins-of-narcissism?s=r

IL Mom Sues Judge, GAL & Ex For $8M

“Aneta Hadzi-Tanovic, leader of the local Illinois Women’s Coalition, has filed an $8 million federal lawsuit against Family Court judge Robert Wade Johnson, the GAL, and her ex for conspiring to deprive her under the color of law of her right to due process and equal protection, as well as for the intentional torts “abuse of process” and “intentional infliction of emotional distress”.

Aneta’s custody nightmare mirrors women’s cases all over the country and world in which Family Court judges disregard substantial negative evidence about the father, and fabricate negative evidence about the mother, in order to justify switching custody to the father.”  Mom Sues Judge, GAL and Ex For $8M In U.S. Federal Court

Family Bully Aids Corruption To Hide “Secrets”

“In biblical lore, Aaron selected a goat on behalf of the entire tribe, cast upon it the sins of all members, and then banished it alone to the wild. The members of the tribe were then at great ease, having been freed from their cast-off sins—whatever those sins may have been.” The Blameless Burden: Scapegoating in Dysfunctional Families

A manipulative family bully with so-called secrets to try to hide aided the family court corruption, to provide a much needed distraction for open secrets that were blowing up in her face.  Forcing her family to shun me accomplished her goal:  create a diversion.  Glomming onto my documented abuser’s smear campaign became the perfect distraction.

Slandering, and shunning someone is designed to tarnish their name, and cause emotional pain – to silence them.  And if they heap enough group hatred onto the scapegoat, maybe – just maybe – they can numb their own shame and regret.

But never being allowed to confront your accusers is how the game is rigged.  Could you imagine if they allowed the scapegoat back into their midst, to inform everyone of the facts conveniently missing from their stories?  After they refused my invitation to join me in mediation,  as well as numerous other attempts to communicate over the years, I finally faced the stark reality that they NEED a scapegoat.

Beginning when the first child was just a baby, we were forced to hear our parent’s despair about him coming to their care with bruises.  It was torture to watch, as the family bully’s children were neglected and abused, a never-ending nightmare.  I took care of the family bully’s children for years, while she lived her secret life, and her spouse was too beside himself from her actions, to care for them himself.  Everyone in the family had to take care of these children due to her intense preoccupation with her secret activities.  Finally, in desperation, the eldest begged me to teach him how to cook so they wouldn’t keep going hungry in their home.

But my parents lived in fear of her threats to “take the children out of state” if they challenged her, walking on eggshells for years, talking about calling DCFS,  then trying to get the other set of parents to call for them, fearing her threats.  Everybody was looking for a “fall guy” to take her wrath.

When this was dropped at my door, I did what they discussed for years.  I called DCFS.  And so, I became the bully’s target, with my parents too afraid to admit that calling DCFS was their idea in the first place.  Also omitted from the family narrative, is the school social worker’s statement I was justified in calling DCFS, and the teacher’s aide who said they stood and cheered.

This family bully’s spouse landed on my doorstep, a total mess – utterly destroyed, and reported chilling accounts of violence that caused me nightmares for weeks.  He related how she bashed his front teeth in and he needed them replaced, along with other accounts of ongoing violence whenever he dared challenge her “secret” life.  Finally, everything made sense:  his black eyes over the years, while he lowered his gaze in shame with flimsy excuses about  “running into the barn door“, the bruises I saw on the younger girls, my parent’s reports of bruises on the children, and eye-witness accounts of physical abuse in front of their homes.

But when it came down to doing anything to protect them, both of my sets of parents talked about it endlessly, but finally putting their heads in the sand, thinking it would be better to have the children abused nearby, than face her wrath, and possibly even have the children taken out of state.

What do narcissists do to truth tellers? Dr. Ramani

“Bullies within the family, especially female bullies, are masters (mistresses?) of manipulation and are fond of manipulating people through their emotions (eg guilt) and through their beliefs, attitudes and perceptions. Bullies see any form of vulnerability as an opportunity for manipulation.

ScapegoatA favourite tactic of the bully in the family is to set people against each other. The benefits to the bully are that:  a) the bully gains a great deal of gratification (a perverse form of satisfaction) from encouraging and provoking argument, quarreling and hostility, and then from watching others engage in adversarial interaction and destructive conflict, and b) the ensuing conflict ensures that people’s attention is distracted and diverted away from the cause of the conflict.”

“The family bully encourages and manipulates family members etc to lie, act dishonestly, withhold information, spread misinformation, and to punish the target.”  A Favorite Tactic Of The Bullies In Our Family-Set People Against Each Other

 “Publicity is justly commended as a remedy for social and industrial diseases. Sunlight is said to be the best of disinfectants; electric light the most efficient policeman.” From: Other People’s Money, Louis D. Brandeis, Supreme Court Justice

Natalie Koga Confronted With Eye-Witness To Her Corruption

The entire family watches on in dismay as the scapegoat informs the family that they will no longer be abused by them, and wants nothing more to do with them… Life becomes difficult for the narcissistic family when the trash can leaves. However, it becomes harder to blame the scapegoat when the endless drama between the family members continues – even when the scapegoat is nowhere to be found.  The Scapegoat Walks Away’

Coercive Control During the Pandemic

crazyangry“This is an extremely vulnerable time for survivors, and abusers are using it as an excuse to find new ways to exert control. Some of those tactics include feigning illness, not allowing family members to interact or go outside the home at all, withdrawing all money out of bank accounts, contacting the survivor’s work and falsely stating they were exposed to the virus, etc. While some of these tactics may be new and based on the public health crisis, the dynamics of power and control remain the same.

elephantAcross the country and world, there has been a serious uptick in domestic violence related crimes. Direct service agencies are seeing an influx of new cases and in some jurisdictions, law enforcement are responding to more calls. This means that survivors need support, resources, services, and shelter more than ever. Fortunately, shelters and other resources remain open during this time as essential businesses.”  Coercive Control During the Pandemic: How Abusers Are Using New Tactics to Exert Power and Control

“Perpetrators may attempt to deal with extra stress and anxiety by imposing stricter and more unrealistic regimes on their families’ activities and behaviours. It’s a moment when the net of coercive control can be tightened. In fact, “social distancing” and “isolation” are core tactics of a coercively controlling partner.”  Corona lockdown is a dangerous time for survivors

FreeBirg“For the first time (In the UK), numerous psychological and coercive behaviours became unlawful. For example, isolating a person from friends and family, monitoring their time, destroying their possessions, monitoring via online communication tools or using spyware, taking control over where people can go and who they can see, and accessing personal communication (phone and email accounts). All typically justified by perpetrators as “caring”, “because I worry about you,” or argued as acceptable because “you don’t answer my calls” and “I never know where you are or who you are with, so what do you expect.”

Lockdown is perhaps the worst situation imaginable for victims but a “gift” to abusers. Not surprisingly lockdown has resulted in a catastrophic increase in domestic abuse in the UK, which includes psychological coercion and control. Jealous and possessive partners are more easily able to leverage maximum control, using the “exercise once a day with family” rule and threatening to report absences in contravention of the lockdown rules to the authorities. Unpredictable behaviour that leaves victims feeling like they are walking on eggshells is now inescapable and victims cannot easily phone for advice or assistance, or access online advice because abusers are less likely to be going to work and may never leave the house alone.”  Why Covid-19 Lockdown Is So Dangerous To People In Abusive Relationships

Resources

What Is Coercive Control?

Self-Care Strategies To Help Manage Trauma According To Experts

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Open Letter To Lost Children

Dear Greatly Loved, Missed and Cherished Children,

You may have come to this site looking for answers as to what has happened, how and why everything occurred the way it did.  The manipulations of the players in family court corruption, and their litigation therapy racket can be difficult to unravel.  If you are struggling to understand it, know that your comprehension skills are not at fault, because the corrupt players designed it that way.  Investigative Journalist Michael Volpe writes:  “…that’s where corruption thrives – when you can make a situation complicated.” Michael Volpe’s Analysis of My Case

Grandville, MAAt the end of the day, focusing on every minute detail of the web of corruption just takes time away from living our own lives, free from their exploitation.

We go on.  We must.  Sure, we are battle-worn, exhausted, grieving over all that was taken, perhaps traumatized, and deeply puzzled as to how people could act this way.  But the sad truth is, some people do.  It’s up to us not to let the actions of others define us.  We are NOT what THEY did to us.  We are not to blame for the misdeeds of others, and we shouldn’t ever live that way.  We should live free.  We should know our own worth.

Plant-in-Sunlight-864x577A child comes into the world in a state of innocence, and the right to this sovereignty of the self is the responsibility of adults to protect. This is our parental responsibility – to protect our children from awareness of adult problems, so they may develop age appropriately to maturity.  Your mother would have given her right arm to be allowed to protect you.  

Those who violate this right to an emerging consciousness are engaging in an act of extreme aggression.  Erasing your parent is child abuse. And children must be protected against abuse.  Any guilt over the situation lies squarely on the shoulders of all of the adults who were in charge.  Do not ever take it on – it doesn’t belong to you.  Throw it off of you, and live free.

vrijheidYou were a vulnerable child who deserved to be protected from adult hatred, adult issues, and the family court racket.  You deserved better.  How could a child ever be expected to stand against a group of adults? 

The members of the family court racket are good at what they do, because this is how they make a living.  They discovered that they didn’t have to work hard or have high standards in their professions, to make a huge pile of cash.  They do this all day, every day, every chance they get, to many people.  So if you’re struggling with why didn’t I see this coming, don’t.  Who they are and what they do is not normal.  So, no normal person could ever anticipate this.  These people are expert cons hiding behind their positions. Let that go.

As a result, you may have difficulty trusting others.  You may even find it hard to trust yourself.  But you should trust yourself.  It’s not your fault the adults let you down.

As you find your way out of this forest, know deep in your heart that you are importantYou matter!  You are worthy of the highest PRAISE for surviving it all, and you are very deeply loved.  Be proud of your inner strength!  Your great resilience!  You are a survivor!  “Believe in yourself. You are braver than you think, more talented than you know, and capable of more than you imagine.” ― Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart

You should also know you’re not alone.  Sadly, there are countless children who suffered like you, none of it their fault either.

1520610_10202361617074097_181679927_nSo, to any kids who may be reading this: please know that your mother grieves for you every day. She loves you with the fiercely protective, tender love of a mother’s heart.  A love you’ll never comprehend until you have children of your own.

She longs to hug you, and admire how you’ve grown.  To hear the sound of your voice, know your thoughts, and ideas.  She wants to cheer you on again!  She longs to celebrate holidays with you again, and cook your favorite foods. To share jokes, and hear your laughter.  To create new memories with you!  Mothers are like that. We love unconditionally.   We know none of this is your fault.  We’ve always known!

FB_IMG_1567190447684Our kitchens and homes are empty without you.  And we wait, hoping every day is the day we can reconnect with you. So please, if you are in this situation or know someone who is, tell your mother you love her.  She’s prayed for this every single day.

Take that first step. It may feel awkward, but it won’t be as hard as you think.  It’ll be worth it to reconnect all of your heart and soul’s missing pieces!

So, stand up, taking control of your own life, and love whoever you want to love! Life had some bitter trials, but it can be sweet again.  You can live free from the hatred and conflict of others.  It was never yours to begin with!

Just call her.  You’ll be glad you did.  Your mother is waiting with open arms.

 

 

 

Myths About Healing From Narcissists Debunked

 

“In our spiritually bypassing prone society, it’s common for survivors of narcissists to encounter harmful myths that, when internalized, can actually worsen trauma-related symptoms.

Trauma experts know there are emotions known as “natural emotions” in the context of a trauma where someone has violated you. This includes anger for the perpetrator who intentionally and maliciously caused harm. These natural emotions are meant to be fully honored, experienced, and felt in order to be processed and for healing to occur.

Malignant narcissists and psychopaths are in control of their actions, know the difference between right and wrong, and understand the harm they are causing, since survivors relay to them that they are in pain, time and time again (Hare, 2011). Therefore, for a victim to assign full responsibility to the perpetrator is a sign of “accurate thinking” that allows healing to occur, whereas blaming oneself for being the victim of a narcissist is often a distortion or stuck point that leads to more manufactured emotions.

Whatever you feel is valid. Forcing yourself to feel a certain way toward your abuser or wishing them well when you don’t feel that way authentically can delay the healthy expression of natural emotions and ultimately delay healing. It is a form of spiritual bypassing.”  3 Biggest Myths About Healing From Narcissists Debunked, Shahida Arabi

Forest Bathing for Recovery From Trauma & The Litigation Therapy Racket, Lisa Nadig

MariaSoundOfMusicIn the opening scene of The Sound of Music, Maria sings “I go to the hills when my heart is lonely,  I know I will hear what I’ve heard before…”  The Sound of Music, Opening Scene  People have long known that being in nature is good medicine.  They didn’t need scientists or researchers to tell them that time spent outdoors, especially among trees, has countless health benefits.

Now science has caught up with this ancient wisdom.

Forest Bathing For Trauma Recovery  “Reconnecting to nature can be a powerful activity as part of trauma recovery and healing centered engagementPlaying in the dirt and walking barefoot heals us in infinite ways. Forests and natural landscapes expose us to healthy bacteria, sunshine, and phytoncides (chemicals released by trees that are known for their ability to improve our immune responses).  Forests decrease stress hormones and rumination and regulate our heart rate and blood pressure.”

Grandville, MAForest BathingForest bathing is based on an ancient Japanese cultural respect and reverence for the natural world and the interactions with the landscape that occur as a result. Shinrin-yoku (lit. “Immersion in the Forest Air”) is an experience that lets people be mindfully present with the surrounding forest. The sights, sounds and smells of the environment support and comfort each person as they literally “bathe” in the forest air.”

And for those of us who are survivors of Therapist Abuse by court shrinks paid for by the highest bidder, we know too well the trauma when these so-called “professionals” – the lawyers, court doctors, court therapists and hired gun evaluators –  trap and re-traumatize us in their lucrative litigation therapy racket.  Forcing a trauma victim to sit in their office re-living traumatic memories while they bill by the hour, scribbling their notes, writing false reports for corrupt Child Reps, Guardian Ad Litems, and guns for hire custody evaluators.  Because you are court-ordered to do it.  How convenient for them.

The survivors of the Rwandan genocide who famously kicked out the Western mental health practitioners further illustrates the damage talk therapy can do to trauma survivors.  “As the Rwandan, paraphrased by Solomon, puts it: “Their practice did not involve being outside in the sun where you begin to feel better. There was no music or drumming to get your blood flowing again. There was no sense that everyone had taken the day off so that the entire community could come together to try to lift you up and bring you back to joy. Instead they would take people one at a time into these dingy little rooms and have them sit around for an hour or so and talk about bad things that had happened to them. We had to ask them to leave.”  Exporting trauma: can the talking cure do more harm than good?

RollingMeadowsCtI’ll never forget the corrupt Child Representative Natalie Koga’s Machiavellian sneer, and her arrogant, fake, sing-songy, patronizing voice:  “Lisa, you just need to try har-der in ther-a-peeee”.  Have you completed your “treeeat-meeent”?  While she lied and abused me in court.  Met secretly with my ex.  Harmed my child. Exploited my family.  Natalie Koga Confronted With Eye-Witness To Her Corruption

Dr. Daniel Fisher, who wrote Natalie Koga’s made to order false reports, repeated his mantra, in his saccharin-sweet, pretending to care “therapist” voice:  “How’s your “therapy” going?”  Probing for anything to pounce on, all the while, working for the other side. Dr. Daniel Fisher’s Misconduct, With Michael Volpe

Twilightzone1959And who could ever forget Dr. Fisher’s disturbing, cringe-worthy performance for a packed courtroom during one of his several days of false testimony!

Bizarrely, finishing his star turn on the witness stand, taking center stage while raising his chest into a stiff military posture,  he faced my ex-husband directly.  Then, with a grand flourish, GAVE HIM A FULL MILITARY SALUTE RIGHT IN THE FRONT OF THE COURTROOM! 

He remained “at attention” for a full two seconds, then suddenly remembering himself, flustered, looking down, eyes darting about.  My ex-husband beamed with delight as Dr. Fisher tottered off  the “stage”.  Natalie Koga rewarded him by giving him even more inappropriate power and control over our lives.

As a treating therapist, it was against the law for Dr. Fisher to take on multiple roles.  But he used this as spring-board, becoming an unofficial parenting coordinator, custody evaluator, and suddenly in charge of all of the parties court ordered “therapy”.  Dr. Fisher already had a prior license sanction for the same misconduct in another case. Fisher_Redacted

Then there’s my ex’s hired gun custody evaluator Dr. Mark Goldstein.  My attorney had already caught Natalie Koga, Child Rep, and opposing counsel Meg Jackson conspiring to have him write a false report about me.  I felt like a lamb led to slaughter, while he crossed professional boundaries, plying me with inappropriate, sick questions.

tumblr_mu9qdnUdpk1rw872io4_500When I objected, he noted that I had an “anger problem”.  But his psychological testing showed the opposite, which of course he omitted from the custody evaluation, like the good little hired gun that he was.  When I showed the natural indignation of any normal, decent person to his disgusting questions, he wrote that I was “emotionally labile“.

And Judge Alfred Levinson’s perpetually red face from sipping out of his mystery container all day long, bellowing:  “Have you completed your therapy?” –  trying to make me look crazy – because the lawyers sitting up front waiting for their cases to be called saw his courtroom was a three ring circus. And the evidence I brought. Then Natalie Koga would lie some more – ignoring my therapy report as an excuse to label me uncooperative, and continue to completely bar any communication whatsoever between my son and I.

You see, just like Nurse Ratched in One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest, they aren’t in it to help people connect with their inner strength or heal from the trauma of abuse.  They aren’t there to cheer you on to re-build your life.

As hired gun crazy-makers, these “therapists” don’t encourage you to speak your own truth with confidence.   An empowered victim is the LAST thing they want.

They don’t advise you to walk on the beach, find the peace of the woods, garden, go barefoot savoring the cool grass between your toes, laugh, make art, go to concerts, further your education – or just take a break from endless talking about it – or anything else that challenges their power and control over their cash cows.

They WANT you continually stressed and traumatized.  They have no interest in your wellness.  They are not encouragers.

That would be counter-productive to the racket.

maxresdefaultThey are the bottom feeders of their professions who need you trapped, or they won’t have a job. 

Their JOB is to Gaslight the victim.  To put them off balance – to mess with their heads.  To re-traumatize them. 

To manufacture a “crazy label” for the victim in their Kids for Cash scam.  Hiding abuse, and keeping it going is big business.  And if they could, they would keep their cash cows trapped in their litigation therapy racket forever. 

After this pack of vicious predators got through with me, I understood how so many have been bullied to death in family court.  I went from being an award-winning professional opera singer singing in Carnegie Hall,  performing comfortably for two to three thousand people, to not even able to speak.  My brain knew what I wanted to say,  but I couldn’t make the words come out of my mouth.

10367137_811465682198562_816864177374600240_nI developed “Broken Heart Syndrome” with such severe chest pain,  I struggled with my teaching job.  I went from the woman doing it all, all the time – raising her child mostly alone, running a teaching studio, singing, and maintaining a large wooded property – to bed-ridden, after these vicious people finished running me through their Kids for Cash machine.

JoDaviessCountryI knew that in order to survive, I had to go back to the country.  I fell asleep listening to the music of crickets singing.  Walked my dog in the rolling, wooded hills with the sun on my face.

I basked in the warm embraces of those who knew me best – the people who I grew up with – my family, friends and community.  This was emergency care to a soul shattered by my ex and his gang’s constant drumming of the vicious lie that I was an outcast, so why not take everything away from me anyway.

I couldn’t hold a job anymore due to the trauma of the legal abuse.  They succeeded in their goal of completely destroying me.  So I worked when I could, sometimes only an hour per day, clearing weeds 6 feet high, started a garden, and slowly resurrected a friend’s old house that had been vacant for 10 years.  I thought by saving my friend’s old family home, I just might save myself in the process.

And I slowly regained my ability to speak.  It took two years.  I set about the arduous task of rebuilding a life that my ex-husband and his gang of ruthless financial predators did everything in their power to destroy.

Plant-in-Sunlight-864x577So, go to the woods.  Let the vast, majestic strength and beauty of a forest place it’s loving arms around you.  And dance out in the sun!  Kick your shoes off.  Plunge your hands into beautiful, dark earth, get it under your fingernails, and plant a garden. Sing around the campfire, enjoy a few beers, roast some hot dogs, and howl at the moon!  

If you live in a city, and have to drive to nature, do it.  Just Do it-You’ll be glad you did!  Even large cities have nature reserves, walking trails, botanical gardens, and parks for their citizen’s tired, frayed nerves!

The great naturalist, John Muir, “father of our national parks” said:

forest-bathing-2-e1556293782134“The mountains are calling and I must go.
The clearest way into the Universe is through a forest wilderness.
Between every two pines is a doorway to a new world.
Keep close to Nature’s heart… and break clear away, once in awhile, and climb a mountain or spend a week in the woods. Wash your spirit clean.”

Happy Vengeful Father Syndrome Day!

FlowerBouquetHappy Mother’s Day to all the Moms out there screwed over by our woman-hating, abuser-loving, greedy, corrupt family courts.  Mothers are amazing! It takes a really remarkable woman to survive it all.  You are loved!♥♥♥You are appreciated!♥♥♥You matter!!!♥♥♥

Mother’s are givers of life, they are kind, they are strong, they nurture.  They teach us what the words family, love, honor, and sacrifice mean. They laugh, they cry just like you and I.  They create home. They guide, they mentor.  They are nutritionists, and meal planners. They nurse, they heal, they sit with you. They are advocates, brow wipers, huggers, hand-holders, and protectors.  They have style, they have grace. They create the human race.

They work hard, they put in long hours, they are industrious.  They sew, they mend and tend.  They garden, they shop.  They are home economizers, bill payers, cooks, and chauffeurs.  They are interior decorators,  activity coordinators, and innovators.  They tend to the animals, and all creatures under their roof.  They are witty, bright, and generous of purse, time, talents, and skills.

FB_IMG_1567190447684They forgive generously, repeatedly.  They are resourceful researchers, and education interfacers.  They are capable, and fun-loving.  They are birthday cake bakers and party makers. They plan, they coordinate, they budget, they tidy it all up. They are creative, they scurry, improvising on the spot.

Moms sparkle, they beautify!   They are teachers, they are psychologists, and mediators.  They discipline, they worry, they love unconditionally.  They support, they cheer you on no matter what.  They are determined.  They have grit, they are tough.

They are loyal, they are fierce.  They are temperature takers, medicine givers, appointment makers, and frequently sleep deprived.  They are devoted, they are steadfast.

They are career sacrificers.  They are the make do with what you havers – the thrift shop dress buyers, moving sale furniture shoppers, coupon clippers, and do-withouters.  They are the the vacations,  insurance and 401k go-withouters.

Handful of starsMothers create the beauty and magic of holidays!  They are keepers of traditions.  They are gift buyers and wrappers.  They clean, decorate and prepare.  They hostess, entertain, then they pack it all up again.  They are memory makers, and photo takers.  They remember anniversaries, birthdays, and special occasions.  They are the card and gift senders.

They make you smile, they go ten extra miles!  They are loving, they are knowing and wise.  They are special, they are quirky, they are human. They are serious, they are funny, they don’t work for mere money.

1375635_10202963215273676_1558938398_nMothers are forever connected to their children at the most basic, fundamental,  core physical, cellular, mitochondrial, neurological, spiritual and emotional levels. They are all of this and so much more…they are your only, irreplaceable Mother!

♥♥♥So, to all the special, childless Moms out there – in case nobody’s told you lately – You are an amazing, terrific, remarkable, lovely, intelligent, strong, talented, resilient, breathtakingly beautiful woman!  All your work matters!  YOU MATTER!!!

♥♥♥HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!!!♥♥♥

 

The Verbal Vomit of the Psychological Abuser: Projection and Blame-shifting

Have you ever noticed that the psychologically abusive person invariably accuses you of what they’re really doing?  Once I understood this, I never bothered to entertain these pathetic, over the top, manipulative mind games again.

Their nonsensical word-salad, hysterical shrieking & carrying-on, their woe-is-me guilt trips, sneaky, sleight of hand distractions, lies of omission, half-truths & distortions, “because I said so” circular logic, their exaggerated over-acting, wild gesticulations, stomping about, and verbal diarrhea will show itself as the ridiculous and pathetic over-acting job that it really is; a desperate attempt to conceal who and what they really are, underneath their carefully crafted, charming charade.  And you will know everything that they themselves are really up to, behind all of their ridiculous blustering, and blundering about.  The following article does a wonderful analysis of these sad tactics.

“Like a volcano burbling and and ready to spew hot magma, hissing and blowing steam, prepared to erupt at any given moment, narcissistic abusers have great difficulty when their false self mask slips. Underneath the mask lies a psychic void in which the narcissist seeks to extract ego fuel, or narcissistic supply, from his/her relationships and interactions (Schneider, 2017). When a narcissistic abuser feels exposed due to a short-coming of their own, this person will feel as if a narcissistic injury has been imposed upon them by their targeted object (person supplying ego fuel).  It’s hard to fathom that setting a healthy boundary with a narcissist is interpreted by the abuser as an egregious, blasphemous and slanderous statement they take very personally. A healthy individual would receive a constructive comment as an opportunity to learn, grow, make amends, compromise, and evolve with their loved one. A narcissistic person is threatened by any input which renders them any thing less than exceptionally unique and special.”

Complete Article: The Verbal Vomit of the Psychological Abuser: Projection and Blame-shifting

backlit-flowers-fletchers-garden-2013