Tag Archives: Family Court

IL Mom Sues Judge, GAL & Ex For $8M

“Aneta Hadzi-Tanovic, leader of the local Illinois Women’s Coalition, has filed an $8 million federal lawsuit against Family Court judge Robert Wade Johnson, the GAL, and her ex for conspiring to deprive her under the color of law of her right to due process and equal protection, as well as for the intentional torts “abuse of process” and “intentional infliction of emotional distress”.

Aneta’s custody nightmare mirrors women’s cases all over the country and world in which Family Court judges disregard substantial negative evidence about the father, and fabricate negative evidence about the mother, in order to justify switching custody to the father.”  Mom Sues Judge, GAL and Ex For $8M In U.S. Federal Court

Happy Vengeful Father Syndrome Day!

FlowerBouquetHappy Mother’s Day to all the Moms out there screwed over by our woman-hating, abuser-loving, greedy, corrupt family courts.  Mothers are amazing! It takes a really remarkable woman to survive it all.  You are loved!♥♥♥You are appreciated!♥♥♥You matter!!!♥♥♥

Mother’s are givers of life, they are kind, they are strong, they nurture.  They teach us what the words family, love, honor, and sacrifice mean. They laugh, they cry just like you and I.  They create home. They guide, they mentor.  They are nutritionists, and meal planners. They nurse, they heal, they sit with you. They are advocates, brow wipers, huggers, hand-holders, and protectors.  They have style, they have grace. They create the human race.

They work hard, they put in long hours, they are industrious.  They sew, they mend and tend.  They garden, they shop.  They are home economizers, bill payers, cooks, and chauffeurs.  They are interior decorators,  activity coordinators, and innovators.  They tend to the animals, and all creatures under their roof.  They are witty, bright, and generous of purse, time, talents, and skills.

FB_IMG_1567190447684They forgive generously, repeatedly.  They are resourceful researchers, and education interfacers.  They are capable, and fun-loving.  They are birthday cake bakers and party makers. They plan, they coordinate, they budget, they tidy it all up. They are creative, they scurry, improvising on the spot.

Moms sparkle, they beautify!   They are teachers, they are psychologists, and mediators.  They discipline, they worry, they love unconditionally.  They support, they cheer you on no matter what.  They are determined.  They have grit, they are tough.

They are loyal, they are fierce.  They are temperature takers, medicine givers, appointment makers, and frequently sleep deprived.  They are devoted, they are steadfast.

They are career sacrificers.  They are the make do with what you havers – the thrift shop dress buyers, moving sale furniture shoppers, coupon clippers, and do-withouters.  They are the the vacations,  insurance and 401k go-withouters.

Handful of starsMothers create the beauty and magic of holidays!  They are keepers of traditions.  They are gift buyers and wrappers.  They clean, decorate and prepare.  They hostess, entertain, then they pack it all up again.  They are memory makers, and photo takers.  They remember anniversaries, birthdays, and special occasions.  They are the card and gift senders.

They make you smile, they go ten extra miles!  They are loving, they are knowing and wise.  They are special, they are quirky, they are human. They are serious, they are funny, they don’t work for mere money.

1375635_10202963215273676_1558938398_nMothers are forever connected to their children at the most basic, fundamental,  core physical, cellular, mitochondrial, neurological, spiritual and emotional levels. They are all of this and so much more…they are your only, irreplaceable Mother!

♥♥♥So, to all the special, childless Moms out there – in case nobody’s told you lately – You are an amazing, terrific, remarkable, lovely, intelligent, strong, talented, resilient, breathtakingly beautiful woman!  All your work matters!  YOU MATTER!!!

♥♥♥HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!!!♥♥♥

 

Survivor’s Bill of Rights

After many years of walking on eggshells while living under the restrictions, isolation, chaos, distractions, intrusions, negativity, distortions, untruths, half-truths, and manipulations of controlling or oppressive situations, we can become conditioned to remain in survival mode, and to think mainly of the wants and needs of others, even to feel guilty or uncomfortable if we think of our own.  We become disconnected from who we really are: our own instincts, perceptions, ideas, needs, goals, aspirations, and interests.

While we are in this process, it helps to be reminded of our basic rights.  It may feel unnatural or “off” for awhile to put ourselves first. But, over time, connecting with our true selves becomes more comfortable, and natural.  Practice makes perfect.   Recovery is possible.  Starting off with small steps every day,  bigger steps become easier.  More avenues and resources appear before us.  A new life, free from the control of others is waiting, and it’s worth it! This article I found on Survivor’s Bill of Rights can be very helpful.

Survivor’s Bill of Rights

havoca bill of rightsAs a Matter of Personal AUTHORITY, You Have the Right ..

* to manage your life according to your own values and judgment.
* to direct your recovery, answerable to no one for your goals, effort, or progress.
* to gather information to make intelligent decisions about your recovery.
* to seek help from a variety of sources, unhindered by demands for exclusivity.

FULL ARTICLE:  Survivor’s Bill of Rights

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Coming out of the FOG: Why do we stay in relationships that hurt? Taking back our personal power when we feel stuck.

FOG =Fear, Obligation & Guilt.  FOG is hard to see through, hard to walk through, and easy to get lost in.  But you don’t have to.

It can be hard to understand how to break free from the FOG created by harmful relationships or unhealthy relationship dynamics.  It can be equally hard to understand why we at times feel so stuck.  There can be times when we know it’s not healthy,  we can see the harmful behaviors, know we are being lied to or manipulated, but feel powerless to chart a healthier course for ourselves.  Not all scars are visible.  Sometimes the most painful wounds can be well hidden, even from ourselves.  But we can overcome them.  We can take back our power when we learn how.  When we learn what is holding us back, we can overcome it all.  Our relationships don’t have to hurt.

But to do so, first we need to understand Coercive Control,  Gaslighting, Traumatic Bonding and Stockholm Syndrome.  Fancy terms that all boil down to the invisible psychological bonds that keep us enslaved in relationships that we know are hurting us.  Traumatic Bonding is very powerful; it is intermittent positive reinforcement that we cling to, in the hopes that the bad will never happen again.  Once we understand these concepts, then we understand how manipulative people exert their subtle and unseen control over us, and even others around us.

Coercive Control Collective  “Coercive and controlling abuse impacts a survivor’s sense of safety, identity, autonomy and their attachments to others. Without understanding this dynamic and its full impact, victims who have survived this particular type of trauma continue to be isolated by the complexity of their experience and their needs for recovery are misunderstood and unmet.”

11 Warning Signs of Gaslighting   “Gaslighting is a tactic in which a person or entity, in order to gain more power, makes a victim question their reality. It works much better than you may think. Anyone is susceptible to gaslighting, and it is a common technique of abusers, dictators, narcissists, and cult leaders. It is done slowly, so the victim doesn’t realize how much they’ve been brainwashed. ”

The Place of Stockholm Syndrome in Narcissistic Victim Syndrome “Stockholm Syndrome is a psychological term used to describe the paradoxical phenomenon of the relationship that develops between a captor and its hostage. In such a relationship, to the amazement of onlookers, the hostage expresses empathy and positive feelings towards their abusive captor, and often they will display a desire to defend them.”

5 Signs You’re In A Dangerous Trauma Bond With A Toxic Person   “A trauma bond is a bond that forms due to intense, emotional experiences, usually with a toxic person. Similar to Stockholm Syndrome, it holds us emotionally captive to a manipulator who keeps us “hostage” – whether that be through physical or emotional abuse.  According to Dr. Patrick Carnes, these types of destructive attachments are known as “betrayal bonds” and can take place in any context where a relationship can be forged. They can occur in romantic relationships, friendships, within the family, and the workplace.”

10 Steps to Recovering From a Traumatic Bond  “Trauma bonds occur in very toxic relationships, and tend to be strengthened by inconsistent positive reinforcement—or at least the hope of something better to come. Trauma bonds occur in extreme situations such as abusive relationships, hostage situations, and incestuous relationships, but also in any ongoing attached relationship in which there is a great deal of pain interspersed with times of calm (or maybe just less pain). I liken it to a heroin addiction—the relationship promises much, gives fleeting feelings of utopia, and then it sucks away your very soul.”

Boundaries and self-care are important, healthy and necessary. It’s not selfish to love and value yourself!

Resources

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Justice For All Task Force, Detroit, 2/24/2020

“Victims of domestic violence and protective parents do not have equal access to justice nor do they have access to equal justice in our family courts in this State.”

Photo: Michigan Supreme Court-Chief Justice Bridget Mary McCormack, Justice Stephen J. Markman, Justice Brian K. Zahra, Justice David F. Viviano, Justice Richard Bernstein, Justice Elizabeth T. Clement, Justice Megan K. Cavanagh.

Justice For All Task Force – Michigan-Detroit, February 24, 2020

Brave Michigan Survivors of Domestic & Legal Abuse confront the reality that Mothers are not allowed to protect their children from abusive fathers, despite overwhelming, irrefutable evidence of abuse by the father.  That “father’s rights” trumps all, child safety, health & well-being doesn’t matter, the right of children to have their Mothers parent them doesn’t matter, the rights of Mothers to their own children do not matter in Michigan.  None of it matters and it must change now!!!!

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Mothers And Children Connected At The Neurological Level

From NH Neuro Training:

“This is the world’s first ever magnetic resonance image showing a mother and child’s bond.  The image is of neuroscientist Rebecca Saxe kissing her two month old son.

The child’s brain appears to be smoother and darker. This is because it has significantly less white matter. White matter is comprised of myelin, which is fatty tissue that acts as insulation for the wires that communicate messages inside your brain.

Kissing causes a chemical reaction in your brain, including a burst of the hormone oxytocin. Oxytocin is often referred to as the ‘love hormone’ because it stirs up feelings of affection and attachment.

Kissing activates the brain’s reward system; releasing dopamine which makes us feel good. It also releases vasopressin which bonds mothers with babies and romantic partners to each other. It also releases serotonin which helps to regulate our mood.”
#nhneurotraining
#love #brainscience #neuroscience #neuro #psychology #neurology #neurosurgery #like4likes #gay #instagood #catsofinstagram #bodybuilding #science #research #nature #stem #likeforlikes

Economic Justice for Wives and Mothers

“In what is being called an unprecedented ruling, a judge in Argentina has reportedly ordered a man to pay his ex-wife approximately $179,000 after she gave up her career for nearly three decades so she could clean the house and raise the kids.

Clarin Sociedad reports the unidentified 70-year-old woman struggled financially after the couple’s 2011 divorce while her husband continued to live well.

Man ordered to pay ex-wife $179K for child-rearing/housework

See also:  What’s a Mother Worth? by Lisa Nadig

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What’s a Mother Worth? by Lisa Nadig

FB_IMG_1567190447684As Mother’s Day weekend commences, many are excitedly gearing up for the holiday; cards, flowers and gifts being bought, precious gifts made at school secreted away, brunch reservations made, all is being made ready for the special day.  Some of us are celebrating, while others of us are grieving.  Those of us left to celebrate Mother’s Day in quiet solitude have time on our hands to reflect, and to ask probing questions.

For some, a Mother is priceless, more precious than the finest gold, emeralds or rubies, and the mere thought of assigning a dollar value to her is not only abhorrent, it is aburd.  I would agree; it IS absurd that we even have to go there in the first place.

But we do.  In a world where Mothers have become increasinginly expendable, disposable, where Mothering work is seen as “less than”, those of us who are, or who have been, on the Mommy-track have faced a rude awakening, and forced to ask ourselves this very question.

11831720_10205666797322884_149653450646472404_n“In 1979, a young attorney named Michael H. Minton successfully argued that a housewife was worth more than $40,000 a year. The public snorted and the press made fun, but the ramifications proved enormous. When the dust finally settled, the 33-year-old Chicago lawyer had catapulted matrimonial law into an entirely new arena.”  What’s a Wife Worth? Michael Minton

But here we are in 2019 – 40 years later – and how far have we REALLY come?  When the sheer enormity of the work of Mothering, and the importance of it, is still strategically devalued by some men, along with “father’s rights” attorneys and activists, who view divorce as a game of chess to be won at all costs?  When society has bought into the false notion that a woman really can, and should have it all-all the time?  When “men’s rights” and “father’s rights” become feel-good euphamisms for “screw the bitch” in divorce? Realizing, recognizing and documenting, not only the importance, but also the monetary value of Mothering work becomes even more fundamental and important.

Investing in the career of Motherhood is in direct conflict withTorn heart our materialistic, superficial, money driven society.   How many of us have heard a stay-at-home Mom say “I’m just a Mom”.  Somehow, we’ve been sold this notion that being a Mom is not for “smart women, educated or high-value women.”

What Wife and Mother, giving her all for years, suddenly confronts this sad reality when facing terroristic, scorched earth, winner takes all divorce tactics, as well as the Federal Fatherhood Funding driving child custody decisions, hasn’t had a cold slap to the face, and the gut-wrenching realization that their work apparently had no value all along, unbeknownst to them.  But Mothers are crying out:  “No! There is indeed great economic value to the work I do!”  Government’s Intentional Devaluation of Motherhood

Being a Surrogate Mother (becoming impregnated with someone else’s baby, going to doctor’s appointments, time off from work, giving birth, sometimes having a C-Section, medical after-care, then releasing the infant to the paying parents)  has a going rate!  Yes, there are wage calculations for the work of creating a human!

As someone who experienced “Morning Sickness”, or rather hyperemesis gravidarum (extreme, persistent nausea and vomiting during pregnancy) so severe that I had to be hospitalized 20130917-105004.jpgand put on IV fluids, along with several other complications, the thought of assigning a dollar value to this physical sacrificing is shocking at best.  But, here is a handy chart from one agency, West Coast Surrogacy.  A summary of costs:  Base Pay (Surrogacy and expenses) First-time $50,000; Experienced $60,000; Twins:  ad $5,000; Triplets add $10,000; C-Section, add $3,000; compensation for lost wages-actual cost; additional medical problems-$10,000.  Surrogate Mother Costs

Many of us have realized along our own divorce journey, that while Attorney Minton educated us all on the economic impact of a wife and mother’s work, that somehow we didn’t really get the message.  We thought it was “progress” to pressure women to have it all, all the time, and it is “for their own good” that they now work full-time outside of the home and full-time when they come home, and if a husband “helps out” in his spare time, then it’s oh so wonderful that he “helps”.  Statistics showing the distribution amongst the sexes of hours spent on home and parenting labor hasn’t really changed!

blind_justice_thumb_400x453Many of us have also been confronted with the disturbing reality that women who can afford an attorney such as Michael Milton will come out of their divorce at least somewhat protected, without becoming impoverished, raked through the system, and children stolen.  Sadly, we learned the old adage still holds true: you get the justice you can afford.

Especially for those doing, or having done, this immense Mothering work, we know the dedication, the exhaustion, the emotional and physical investment in a job that has no vacation days, no “off-duty” time, and that a Mother’s career typically takes a big hit.  We have learned that we can spout all the feel-good rhetoric about shared or co-parenting we want, but the practical, day to day reality for most marriages, even today, is that Mothers still do the vast majority of parenting and housework.

But as is usually the case, if Mom has been the one expected to always take a day off for a sick child, has been the backbone of the house, while father focuses on building his career, and suddenly father and his divorce attorneys demand shared parenting,  and in too many instances, erase Mom altogether, any thinking, rational person would question whether those motives arose from a sudden, personal epiphany on the importance of assuming a fair-share of parenting work (of course, after they built their career while their wife took up the slack), or is it something more calculated and self-serving.

But even with all of this ugliness, the dismissive attitude towards Mothers, and the fact that when a father fights for sole custody he wins 70% of the time, even in cases of well documented abuse, I still believe in Motherhood.  I still believe in the great importance and the immense value of this career.  If I were confronted with the same choice again, it wouldn’t change.  I would still choose this exasperating, exhausting, undervalued, demanding, joyful, life-changing, unpaid career.  I would still choose Motherhood.

FlowerBouquetSo, on this Mother’s Day, to the Mothers out there falling asleep with your newborn on your chest with the deepest joy, I acknowledge you.  To the Mother watching her child walk for the first time, I acknowledge you.  To the Mothers out there with the flu while caring for the family, I acknowledge you.  To the Mothers out there who think they’ll never get it right, I acknowledge you.  To the Mothers out there working inside and outside the home, I acknowledge you.  To the Mothers out there caring for children and aging parents at the same time, I acknowledge you.  To the Mothers out there choosing to work inside the home, I acknowledge you.  To the Mothers out there who have lost their children to death, I acknowledge you.  To the Mothers out there who have lost their children to Domestic Violence by Proxy and Court Corruption, I acknowledge you.  To all Mothers out there, I acknowledge you.

Handful of starsTo the children out there celebrating with your Mother this Mother’s Day, I acknowledge you.  To the children who have lost their Mothers to death, I acknowledge you.  To the children living long distances from their Mothers, I acknowledge you.  To the children out there separated from Mom at the border, I acknowledge you.  To the children out there missing a Mom erased by family court, I acknowedge you.  To the children out there wishing their Mother could have been better, I acknowledge you.  To the children out there just beginning to appreciate your own Mother after having children of your own, I acknowledge you.  To the children out there making their joyful school gift, I acknowledge you.  To all children out there, I acknowledge you.

Happy Mother’s Day to us all!

Dr. Daniel P. Fisher & The Litigation Therapy Racket, With Michael Volpe

“When a court ordered professional begins working for one side, as Dr. Fisher clearly was in this case, it is the worst of both worlds. You have a hired gun with the veneer of independence. It is something I have seen and documented repeatedly. Dr. Stanton Samenow, not only in Chris Mackney’s case, would come in as a so-called independent arbiter but end up communicating, and often being paid, exclusively with one side. He would pretend as though his so-called expert opinion was objective while being bought and paid for and that’s what it appears happened in this case as well.

Not only with Dr. Fisher, but Natalie Koga and others in this case. The veneer of independence is one of many reasons why I believe all court ordered professionals should be outlawed immediately. They are not merely a waste of hundreds of thousands of dollars but counter-productive and often actively work to create conflict in cases in order to justify their continued involvement.”Michael Volpe, Author of Bullied To Death: Chris Mackney’s Kafkaesque Divorce

Dr. Fisher was reprimanded by the State of Illinois for Dual Role Misconduct in a prior case.  “The foregoing acts and/or omissions are violations of the “Ethical Principles of Psychologists and Code of Conduct”  Fisher_Redacted

The APA Ethics Code Standard 3.05 states that “psychologists should refrain from entering into multiple relationships…or otherwise risks exploitation or harm to the person with whom the professional relationship exists.”  But exploitation and harm is the strategy for these court shrinks for hire.

 It is considered unethical to switch back and forth between an evaluative and psychotherapeutic role,” David Stein, Ph.D., chair of the Forensic Psychology Committee of the California Psychological Association.

tumblr_mu9qdnUdpk1rw872io4_500We survivors of Therapist Abuse by these court shrinks for hire by the highest bidder, know full well the severe trauma when these so-called “professionals” – the lawyers, court doctors, court therapists and hired gun evaluators –  trap and re-traumatize us in their lucrative litigation therapy racket.

Forcing a trauma victim to sit in their office re-living traumatic memories against their will,  while they bill by the hour, scribbling their notes, writing false reports for corrupt Child Reps, Guardian Ad Litems, and guns for hire custody evaluators.

Because the victims of this racket are court-ordered to be there.  They did not choose these low rung of the ladder providers with sanctions on their licenses for themselves.  How convenient for them to have such an endless supply of guaranteed paying clients, provided by family court. The truth of the matter is, they need you trapped, or they won’t have a job.

BribesFCDr. Daniel Fisher, who wrote Natalie Koga’s made to order false reports, repeated his mantra, in his saccharin-sweet, pretending to care “therapist” voice:  “How’s your “therapy” going?”  Probing for anything to pounce on, all the while, working for the other side. 

 

Twilightzone1959And who could ever forget Dr. Fisher’s disturbing, cringe-worthy performance for a packed courtroom during one of his several days of false testimony!

Bizarrely, finishing his star turn on the witness stand, taking center stage while raising his chest into a stiff military posture,  he faced my ex-husband directly.  Then, with a grand flourish, GAVE HIM A FULL MILITARY SALUTE RIGHT IN THE FRONT OF THE COURTROOM! 

He remained “at attention” for a full two seconds, then suddenly remembering himself, flustered, looking down, eyes darting about.  My ex-husband beamed with delight as Dr. Fisher tottered off  the “stage”.

He should have bowed and curtsied too!   This, my friends, is one of the many ways the players in the litigation therapy racket show their true colors, and why Cook County Chicago will not allow videotaped transcripts.

As hired gun crazy-makers, these therapists don’t encourage you to speak your own truth with confidence.   An empowered victim is the LAST thing they want.

WalkingBeachThey don’t want you to walk on the beach, go to the woods, garden, go barefoot savoring the cool grass between your toes, rest, laugh, make art, or just take a healthy break from abusive talk therapy used against you in false reports paid for by the other side –  or anything else that challenges their power and control over their cash cows. 

They have no interest in your wellness.  They are not encouragers.  That would be counter-productive to the racket.

You see, just like Nurse Ratched in One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest, they aren’t in it to empower people to connect with their own inner strength.  They aren’t in this helping profession to help.  They are in it to harvest victims.

Their JOB is to Gaslight the victim.  To put them off balance – to mess with their heads.  To re-traumatize them.

To manufacture a “crazy label” for the victim in their Kids for Cash scam.  Hiding abuse, and keeping it going is big business.  And if they could, they would keep their cash cows trapped in their litigation therapy racket forever.  

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AMother'sHeartSongsUnsilenced

Dr. Daniel Fisher’s Misconduct, with Michael Volpe

“When a court ordered professional begins working for one side, as Dr. Fisher clearly was in this case, it is the worst of both worlds. You have a hired gun with the veneer of independence. It is something I have seen and documented repeatedly. Dr. Stanton Samenow, not only in Chris Mackney’s case, would come in as a so-called independent arbiter but end up communicating, and often being paid, exclusively with one side. He would pretend as though his so-called expert opinion was objective while being bought and paid for and that’s what it appears happened in this case as well. Not only with Dr. Fisher, but Natalie Koga and others in this case. The veneer of independence is one of many reasons why I believe all court ordered professionals should be outlawed immediately. They are not merely a waste of hundreds of thousands of…

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