On Sunday, August 1, 2021, over one hundred mothers submitted a formal complaint to the United Nations Commission on the Status of Women denouncing the United States Government, and the states within for systematic human rights violations waged against women and children throughout the family court systems in the country. The Complaint alleges human rights violations that include systematic gender bias, discrimination on the basis of sex, and facilitation of physical, sexual, financial, legal, and emotional abuse of women and children.The Complaint was submitted by advocacy groups One Mom’s Battle and Custody Peace with over one hundred women throughout the United States joining in the Complaint.
Through personal letters submitted with the Complaint, these brave women provided firsthand accounts of their experience suffering injustices and human rights violations in family court.The Claim submitted to the UN documents disturbing trends throughout family courts in the U.S. including a failure to recognize coercive control tactics as domestic violence warranting court intervention, the tendency of judges to discredit mothers’ child abuse allegations particularly when the father alleges parental alienation as a counterclaim, the weaponization of the family court system itself by an abuser as a means to harass and control a domestic violence victim, punishment of women who raise child safety and abuse concerns by stripping them of custody rights, and judges’ bias towards and unfavorable treatment of women who resist shared parenting with an ex-intimate partner who abused them and/or their child, often leading to a dismissal of these women as simply angry, emotional or crazy.
Learn more, donate to the movement, or to join the Global Family Court Advocacy Community at www.custody-peace.org
Dr. Ramani Durvasula is an American clinical psychologist, professor of psychology, media expert, and author. This three part series explores in depth the Malignant Narcissist.
Part 1 of 3: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3J4MEQ3N03w
Part 2 of 3: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K0iUJjxt40c
Part 3 of 3: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nWx_T6UfZiE
Saturday, August 14, 2021, 1-4 PM CDT
“When we think about narcissistic abuse, recovery is impacted by numerous processes – it’s not just about the frustrations, hurts, traumas, and emotional abuse that occurs within these relationships, but a much deeper iceberg – legacy issues, self-blame, shame, trauma bonds, and lots of dissonance. ….This workshop will provide an overview of and deep dive into these “core issues,” link these to the vulnerabilities to narcissism and high conflict personality styles, as well as how they impact healing, recovering, and getting stuck in these relationships. This workshop will also take on a sort of 5-part life map that guides you through the areas of life that are affected by narcissistic abuse, how to address these areas of your life, and consider them whether you are still in the relationship, are no longer in the relationships, or aren’t sure what to do. … I do hope you can join this workshop – there will be a brief overview of the patterns observed in narcissistic abuse survivors, dynamics inherent in these relationships, a review of family roles and risk factors for narcissistic relationships and then an introduction to the CORE model and the 5-part life map as a way of understanding some of the root issues to help you navigate, survive, recover, and hopefully avoid these relationships in the future.”
“An abnormal reaction to an abnormal situation is normal behavior.” -Viktor Frankl
He should know, he’s the world-famous psychiatrist who survived the Nazi Holocaust, along with their murder of every single one of his family members.
All abusers, and all corrupt court parasites in the Family Court Holocaust label abuse victims as “mentally ill”. That’s the way the game is played, and rigged. All the better to silence you so they can continue whatever their game of abuse at the moment happens to be. And then of course, to harvest victims for the litigation-therapy racket.
But if they really hit the jackpot with a victim with some real financial assets, then look out because you’re ripe for probate court crimes, i.e. conservatorship or guardianship abuse. Or in my case, Elder Abuse of my father – Financial Exploitation of An Elderly Person With a Disability, which for the high dollar amount in our case, just happens to be a Class I Felony here in Illinois.
The most famous, current example is Britney Spears, whose corrupt child custody case fed directly into her current 13-year long Conservatorship nightmare. All abusers and court parasites know the best way to control a woman is through their kids. Britney was threatened with you’d better agree to this conservatorship or you’ll never see your kids again.
She had good reason to believe them too, as Jane Shatz – (who lost her license in California for misconduct & is now trying to get licensed in Nevada) – wrote a fraudulent custody evaluation for the kids’ father, Jason Federline & Spears’ very own father – the perfect team of misogynistic domestic abusers ganging up on the woman in the family, you know – just keeping her in her place, right? You know, that little woman whose hard work, and world class talent is feeding, clothing and housing them all. Now, at age 39, Spears has finally said NO, this is enough.
I should know too – my ex-husband and his gang of court parasites and psychopaths, trying their best to label me as “crazy”. They were so frustrated, they thought they had finally won this key play in the abusers/court parasite handbook. Imagine their surprise when their little Gaslighting scam on me failed. And all they had to show for their manipulations was “Adjustment Disorder” – Situational Depression/Anxiety caused by THEM – BY THEIR LEGAL & FINANCIAL ABUSE!
And while our four generation family farm wealth certainly pails in comparison to what an abusive ex & court parasites can steal from a mega star like Britney Spears, my share of our estate was ripe for their pickings, with an elderly father ill with Parkinson’s, and his wife’s health failing from failed back surgery syndrome. But if it was this easy to commit all these crimes against a major world pop star, just think how easy it is to do to the rest of us?!
Protective parents: Terms matter in the legal arena.
ABUSER, not NARCISSIST. Child abuse and domestic violence are crimes; the result of choice, not caused by mental illness or personality disorder. An abuser may also have a personality disorder, but this isn’t what causes the abuse. Calling abusive people “narcissists” reinforces legal excuses to ignore crime. Those suffering from personality disorder deserve respect, help, and support. Perpetrators of inter-family abuse suffering from personality disorder first need to encounter meaningful legal restriction before a violation of social boundary is established, the first step in their treatment.
Those suffering due to perpetrated inter-family abuse should not be subjected to mediation/ADR/psychological tests that register trauma as pathology/court-ordered co-parenting classes/referred to as a High Conflict litigant.
Domestic Violence by PROXY, not ALIENATION. Using the term Alienation-saying that a coercively controlling abusive parent is Alienating the children reinforces the myth that this behavior is more common and less serious than it actually is in contested custody cases, which adds fuel to the training organization’s fire that training in this legal tactic is justified.
Instead of adding the multitude of domestic violence cases to reinforce the legal excuse that allows abuse to be ignored by using this mild term, which doesn’t adequately represent a potentially fatal pattern of coercive control, the use of terms like Domestic Violence by Proxy child abuse or inter-family coercive control establishes advocacy for child protection and child safety in our courts.
“When a Cluster B personality disordered individual enters the family court system they wage war upon the healthy parent. They may have been absent parents never attending school, medical or dental appointments but suddenly they attend everything, preening as the doting father or mother and may push for custody. Custody is seen as a prize. The goal is to hurt the healthy primary parent and save money via child support calculations. As part of that push they groom children to see their healthy parent as untrustworthy and self-centered (projection), with divorce or separation their fault while portraying the Cluster B parent as wounded and needing the children to shower him or her with love and affection. Children often respond to this gaslighting by siding with the abusive parent.
Once the abuser has control of the children they are able to continue stalking, harassing and abusing the former partner even when the abuser has no direct access. DV can manifest in ways such as threats to the children if they display a close relationship with the former partner, destroying the children’s favorite possessions given by the former partner and emotional abuse. Children are often coached to make false allegations about the parent.
DV by proxy is very deliberate and planned. The abusers know what they are doing and chose their controlling, coercive, and illegal behaviors. The behaviors are usually surrounded by threats and fears and often include “battery, destruction of property, locking children in rooms to prevent them from calling parents, falsifying documents, along with other similar overt behaviors.” As the leadership council suggests, “Calling this behavior “parental alienation” is not strong enough to convey the criminal pattern of terroristic behaviors employed by batterers.”
The main goal of the abuser is s/he will end up with complete control over the children and will use this power over his former partner, “who tried to escape the power and control of the once abusive marriage.” They do not care if the children are harmed as long as their former partner is hurt and they feel they have won.”
COMPLETE ARTICLE: Domestic Violence by Proxy
FOG =Fear, Obligation & Guilt. FOG is hard to see through, hard to walk through, and easy to get lost in. But you don’t have to.
It can be hard to understand how to break free from the FOG created by harmful relationships or unhealthy relationship dynamics. It can be equally hard to understand why we at times feel so stuck. There can be times when we know it’s not healthy, we can see the harmful behaviors, know we are being lied to or manipulated, but feel powerless to chart a healthier course for ourselves. Not all scars are visible. Sometimes the most painful wounds can be well hidden, even from ourselves. But we can overcome them. We can take back our power when we learn how. When we learn what is holding us back, we can overcome it all. Our relationships don’t have to hurt.
But to do so, first we need to understand Coercive Control, Gaslighting, Traumatic Bonding and Stockholm Syndrome. Fancy terms that all boil down to the invisible psychological bonds that keep us enslaved in relationships that we know are hurting us. Traumatic Bonding is very powerful; it is intermittent positive reinforcement that we cling to, in the hopes that the bad will never happen again. Once we understand these concepts, then we understand how manipulative people exert their subtle and unseen control over us, and even others around us.
Coercive Control Collective “Coercive and controlling abuse impacts a survivor’s sense of safety, identity, autonomy and their attachments to others. Without understanding this dynamic and its full impact, victims who have survived this particular type of trauma continue to be isolated by the complexity of their experience and their needs for recovery are misunderstood and unmet.”
11 Warning Signs of Gaslighting “Gaslighting is a tactic in which a person or entity, in order to gain more power, makes a victim question their reality. It works much better than you may think. Anyone is susceptible to gaslighting, and it is a common technique of abusers, dictators, narcissists, and cult leaders. It is done slowly, so the victim doesn’t realize how much they’ve been brainwashed. ”
The Place of Stockholm Syndrome in Narcissistic Victim Syndrome “Stockholm Syndrome is a psychological term used to describe the paradoxical phenomenon of the relationship that develops between a captor and its hostage. In such a relationship, to the amazement of onlookers, the hostage expresses empathy and positive feelings towards their abusive captor, and often they will display a desire to defend them.”
5 Signs You’re In A Dangerous Trauma Bond With A Toxic Person “A trauma bond is a bond that forms due to intense, emotional experiences, usually with a toxic person. Similar to Stockholm Syndrome, it holds us emotionally captive to a manipulator who keeps us “hostage” – whether that be through physical or emotional abuse. According to Dr. Patrick Carnes, these types of destructive attachments are known as “betrayal bonds” and can take place in any context where a relationship can be forged. They can occur in romantic relationships, friendships, within the family, and the workplace.”
10 Steps to Recovering From a Traumatic Bond “Trauma bonds occur in very toxic relationships, and tend to be strengthened by inconsistent positive reinforcement—or at least the hope of something better to come. Trauma bonds occur in extreme situations such as abusive relationships, hostage situations, and incestuous relationships, but also in any ongoing attached relationship in which there is a great deal of pain interspersed with times of calm (or maybe just less pain). I liken it to a heroin addiction—the relationship promises much, gives fleeting feelings of utopia, and then it sucks away your very soul.”
Boundaries and self-care are important, healthy and necessary. It’s not selfish to love and value yourself!
Kim Saeed writes that within each cycle of abuse there is a moment where a change can be made, an opportunity, if you will to change the negative script that keeps repeating. Perhaps every time an abusive incident happens we think (or hope) it will be the last and we will be saved from having to make a “hard decision”. But according to this article, this is actually a chance, an opportunity to start a new pattern in life for our future. What do you think? .