|Custody Crisis Rabbit Holes|
How Women Are Being Diverted, Distracted & Deceived
Women’s Coalition, Mar 6
“Custody Crisis Rabbit Holes” are quagmires women get entangled in when searching for the reason custody was taken away from them, given to their abusive or self-serving ex, and the relationship with their children damaged or destroyed. These misguided pathways are full of misrepresentations that divert mothers from understanding the true nature and cause of the crisis. They lead to wasting time fighting for ineffective solutions and, worse, misleading other women and the public on the topic. It is only when women are able to recognize this kind of misinformation that we will be able to unite under a common set of facts and fight a unified battle for an effective solution. This column is just an overview of the main rabbit holes women can get caught up in. Future columns will go into depth on each one, some more convoluted than others.
COMMON RABBIT HOLES Abuse Rabbit Hole, Parental Alienation Rabbit Hole, Profiteering Rabbit Hole, Rights & Laws Rabbit Hole
“Abuse” rabbit holers believe the problem is judges mistakenly giving kids to abusers, rather than deliberately to fathers, some of whom are abusive. Most mothers in this morass believe judges have been misled by their very own court-appointed professionals or that they suffer from unconscious biases. This misidentification leads mothers to believe new laws and more training will bring an end to the crisis. However, since judges and their lackeys actually know the father is abusive, training won’t help; and there are ways to get around child safety and domestic violence laws by falsely accusing mothers of various things.
The “Parental Alienation” rabbit hole has two camps: “alienation is not valid” and “alienation is valid”.The “not valid” camp is focused on stopping alienation from being recognized by authorities and preventing the use of the term in Family Court. This won’t make much, if any, difference since there are plenty of synonyms and similar concepts which judges can use. The “valid” camp contends alienation is a real and terrible problem for both fathers and mothers. Hence, it has been coopted by the gender neutral arm of fathers’ rights groups. This separation into two camps serves to divide mothers and obfuscate the gendered nature of the use of alienation by Family Court judges. The fact is the only epidemic is judges falsely accusing mothers of alienation in order to switch custody to fathers, and allowing fathers to alienate children after they give them custody. This fact should unify women on the alienation topic.
“Profiteering” dwellers believe that profiting by court-affiliated Family Court professionals is causing the crisis, and that is often described as a “cottage industry”. While profiting surely is rampant, it is just the reward for professionals who go along with the agenda to entitle and empower fathers. It’s just fuel on an existing fire. Reducing profiteering may make it slightly more difficult for judges to switch custody, but the crisis existed before the divorce industry took off, and it exists in countries where there is no industry to speak of.
“Rights & Laws” rabbit holers believe the problem is a lack of child safety and/or domestic violence laws, or of women’s, parent’s, or children’s rights laws. As stated above in the “Abuse” rabbit hole, laws and rights are not the problem. It is judges falsely accusing mothers of being liars, alienators, mentally ill, whatever…There are plenty of built-in ways for judges to get around laws and rights legally, and there is no way to hold judges accountable for violating the letter of the law. Since family courts are rigged, new laws have not and will not help.
MISINFORMATION & DISINFORMATION Women should not feel bad about getting caught up in a rabbit hole or two. Most go down at least one during their Family Court nightmare, because misinformation and disinformation about the custody crisis abounds. Some rabbit hole misinformation is promoted by well-intentioned activists, who themselves misconstrue the crisis. However, some is disinformation promoted by organizations that profit from portraying the crisis wrongly; or by fathers’ rights activists [FRA’s] who operate covertly as gender-neutral activists in order to deceive and divide women. The fact that so many women over the last half century have gotten diverted, distracted and deceived by these rabbit holes helps explain why there has been zero progress in ending the crisis. In fact, it seems to be getting worse. The most important thing for women to recognize when it comes to these rabbit holes is that they divert and distract from an understanding that the root cause of the Custody Crisis is systemic discrimination against women , and that is what needs to be eradicated. And in order to eliminate this universal injustice, a new system for deciding custody, which is not rigged against women, must be implemented. The Women’s Coalition is uniting women so we have the power to fight for this new system. Join us!
Weekly Family Court Corruption Update: The Storm Hits Montana!On today’s stream, investigative journalists Megan Fox and Michael Volpe give updates in the family court nightmares across America. Welcoming into the cabal of corruption is the great state of Montana whose judges are so corrupt they’re making headlines in the Wall Street Journal. Fox has been in communication with the victims in Montana since July. A new series has begun that could be as big or bigger than the St. Louis County scandal. Leaked emails from the Supreme Court show wanton law-breaking and one brave legislator is taking up the cause.https://pjmedia.com/…/montana-judiciary-caught-lobbying…Updates in the Freiner case too with the once missing child now claiming to want to live with the man she accused of molesting her…and the same court that wouldn’t hear her allegations of molestation is suddenly listening to her now that she’s changed her story.https://michaelvolpe.substack.com/…/teenager-now-wants…Special guest and victim of the Illinois family court cartel, Kara Witkowski joins us in the second half of the program to update us on her case. Witkowski is now fighting to get her daughter away from the man she says raped her son to death.All this and more coming soon.
“Aneta Hadzi-Tanovic, leader of the local Illinois Women’s Coalition, has filed an $8 million federal lawsuit against Family Court judge Robert Wade Johnson, the GAL, and her ex for conspiring to deprive her under the color of law of her right to due process and equal protection, as well as for the intentional torts “abuse of process” and “intentional infliction of emotional distress”.
Aneta’s custody nightmare mirrors women’s cases all over the country and world in which Family Court judges disregard substantial negative evidence about the father, and fabricate negative evidence about the mother, in order to justify switching custody to the father.” Mom Sues Judge, GAL and Ex For $8M In U.S. Federal Court
As Mother’s Day weekend commences, many are excitedly gearing up for the holiday; cards, flowers and gifts being bought, precious gifts made at school secreted away, brunch reservations made, all is being made ready for the special day. Some of us are celebrating, while others of us are grieving. Those of us left to celebrate Mother’s Day in quiet solitude have time on our hands to reflect, and to ask probing questions.
For some, a Mother is priceless, more precious than the finest gold, emeralds or rubies, and the mere thought of assigning a dollar value to her is not only abhorrent, it is aburd. I would agree; it IS absurd that we even have to go there in the first place.
But we do. In a world where Mothers have become increasinginly expendable, disposable, where Mothering work is seen as “less than”, those of us who are, or who have been, on the Mommy-track have faced a rude awakening, and forced to ask ourselves this very question.
“In 1979, a young attorney named Michael H. Minton successfully argued that a housewife was worth more than $40,000 a year. The public snorted and the press made fun, but the ramifications proved enormous. When the dust finally settled, the 33-year-old Chicago lawyer had catapulted matrimonial law into an entirely new arena.” What’s a Wife Worth? Michael Minton
But here we are in 2019 – 40 years later – and how far have we REALLY come? When the sheer enormity of the work of Mothering, and the importance of it, is still strategically devalued by some men, along with “father’s rights” attorneys and activists, who view divorce as a game of chess to be won at all costs? When society has bought into the false notion that a woman really can, and should have it all-all the time? When “men’s rights” and “father’s rights” become feel-good euphamisms for “screw the bitch” in divorce? Realizing, recognizing and documenting, not only the importance, but also the monetary value of Mothering work becomes even more fundamental and important.
Investing in the career of Motherhood is in direct conflict with our materialistic, superficial, money driven society. How many of us have heard a stay-at-home Mom say “I’m just a Mom”. Somehow, we’ve been sold this notion that being a Mom is not for “smart women, educated or high-value women.”
What Wife and Mother, giving her all for years, suddenly confronts this sad reality when facing terroristic, scorched earth, winner takes all divorce tactics, as well as the Federal Fatherhood Funding driving child custody decisions, hasn’t had a cold slap to the face, and the gut-wrenching realization that their work apparently had no value all along, unbeknownst to them. But Mothers are crying out: “No! There is indeed great economic value to the work I do!” Government’s Intentional Devaluation of Motherhood
Being a Surrogate Mother (becoming impregnated with someone else’s baby, going to doctor’s appointments, time off from work, giving birth, sometimes having a C-Section, medical after-care, then releasing the infant to the paying parents) has a going rate! Yes, there are wage calculations for the work of creating a human!
The thought of assigning a dollar value to this physical, emotional, and spiritual sacrifice is shocking at best. But, here is a handy chart from one agency, West Coast Surrogacy. A summary of costs: Base Pay (Surrogacy and expenses) First-time $50,000; Experienced $60,000; Twins: ad $5,000; Triplets add $10,000; C-Section, add $3,000; compensation for lost wages-actual cost; additional medical problems-$10,000. Surrogate Mother Costs
Many of us have realized along our own divorce journey, that while Attorney Minton educated us all on the economic impact of a wife and mother’s work, that somehow we didn’t really get the message. We thought it was “progress” to pressure women to have it all, all the time, and it is “for their own good” that they now work full-time outside of the home and full-time when they come home, and if a husband “helps out” in his spare time, then it’s oh so wonderful that he “helps”. Statistics showing the distribution amongst the sexes of hours spent on home and parenting labor hasn’t really changed!
Many of us have also been confronted with the disturbing reality that women who can afford an attorney such as Michael Milton will come out of their divorce at least somewhat protected, without becoming impoverished, raked through the system, and children stolen. Sadly, we learned the old adage still holds true: you get the justice you can afford.
Especially for those doing, or having done, this immense Mothering work, we know the dedication, the exhaustion, the emotional and physical investment in a job that has no vacation days, no “off-duty” time, and that a Mother’s career typically takes a big hit. We have learned that we can spout all the feel-good rhetoric about shared or co-parenting we want, but the practical, day to day reality for most marriages, even today, is that Mothers still do the vast majority of parenting and housework.
But as is usually the case, if Mom has been the one expected to always take a day off for a sick child, has been the backbone of the house, while father focuses on building his career, and suddenly father and his divorce attorneys demand shared parenting, and in too many instances, erase Mom altogether, any thinking, rational person would question whether those motives arose from a sudden, personal epiphany on the importance of assuming a fair-share of parenting work (of course, after they built their career while their wife took up the slack), or is it something more calculated and self-serving.
But even with all of this ugliness, the dismissive attitude towards Mothers, and the fact that when a father fights for sole custody he wins 70% of the time, even in cases of well documented abuse, I still believe in Motherhood. I still believe in the great importance and the immense value of this career. If I were confronted with the same choice again, it wouldn’t change. I would still choose this exasperating, exhausting, undervalued, demanding, joyful, life-changing, unpaid career. I would still choose Motherhood.
So, on this Mother’s Day, to the Mothers out there falling asleep with your newborn on your chest with the deepest joy, I acknowledge you. To the Mother watching her child walk for the first time, I acknowledge you. To the Mothers out there with the flu while caring for the family, I acknowledge you. To the Mothers out there who think they’ll never get it right, I acknowledge you. To the Mothers out there working inside and outside the home, I acknowledge you. To the Mothers out there caring for children and aging parents at the same time, I acknowledge you. To the Mothers out there choosing to work inside the home, I acknowledge you. To the Mothers out there who have lost their children to death, I acknowledge you. To the Mothers out there who have lost their children to Domestic Violence by Proxy and Court Corruption, I acknowledge you. To all Mothers out there, I acknowledge you.
To the children out there celebrating with your Mother this Mother’s Day, I acknowledge you. To the children who have lost their Mothers to death, I acknowledge you. To the children living long distances from their Mothers, I acknowledge you. To the children out there separated from Mom at the border, I acknowledge you. To the children out there missing a Mom erased by family court, I acknowedge you. To the children out there wishing their Mother could have been better, I acknowledge you. To the children out there just beginning to appreciate your own Mother after having children of your own, I acknowledge you. To the children out there making their joyful school gift, I acknowledge you. To all children out there, I acknowledge you.