Category Archives: Trauma Bonding

Back To School With Stockton’s Very Own “Science Guy”, 45 Year Stockton Science Teacher, Mr. Gary Underwood, by Lisa Nadig

No part of the following article may be reproduced or copied without the express permission of the author, Lisa Nadig. Ms. Nadig is a graduate of Stockton High School and DePaul University. The above photo is from the Stockton Public Schools Radiothon, Fall 2021. Pictured is Superintendent James Bunting (Center) holding the microphone, without his mask. All photos have been previously published on the world wide web, the school’s social media sites, throughout the news media, and republished according to fair use laws.

Back To School With Stockton’s Very Own “Science Guy”, 45 year Stockton Science Teacher, Mr. Gary Underwood, by Lisa Nadig

September 23, 2021, Stockton School Board Meeting, Stockton, IL: It’s time we all took a refresher course, a review of lessons learned in Science Class. Here to help us is 45 year Stockton High School Science Teacher, Mr. Gary Underwood.

Mr. Underwood very graciously accepted my invitation to address the Stockton School Board meeting. He began by clearing up the definition of the word Science: “Science is the search for truth. But now, this isn’t Science, it’s Political Science. ” Mr. Underwood then gave a brief review on Viruses. He asked us: “Have any of you ever seen a virus?” When nobody responded that they had, he said: “You need an electron microscope to see a virus.” Before Mr. Underwood concluded his refresher course on Science and Viruses, he looked around the gymnasium and said: “There isn’t a single mask in this entire place that could stop a virus.

School Board President NEIL CAHILL (Rear Row, 2nd from Right) voted to keep our kids in masks all day but clearly enjoys Mask Optional at his convenience. Mr. Cahill has been observed harassing the people at Board Meetings over how they’re wearing their masks. Middle School Boy’s Basketball, Winter 2022, Stockton HS Gym, Stockton, IL. Photo from Stockton Schools social media sites, and media at large.

I would like to thank Mr. Underwood for our sorely needed science refresher course. It seems to me that “Science” is a word that’s become a political weapon, that it means whatever drives a certain financial or political agenda.

Stockton School Board Members, NICOLE HAAS (Rear Center) & TONIA BLAIR (Front Center) who Voted To Keep Our Babies In Masks All Day, but enjoy Mask Optional for themselves. Ms. Haas & Ms. Blair were filmed harassing and mocking members of the public, as they peacefully exercised their legal rights to speak at an Open School Board Meeting. Corner Tap, Main Street, Stockton, IL

I’m also grateful to hear that Mr. Underwood is not afraid of viruses to the point he would sit home in fear and isolation, or endorse reliance on a thin piece of cloth to feel “Safe”. Nor is Mr. Underwood hypocritical or willing to misuse his position of power and influence to force children to do something he himself is not really willing to do.

Stockton School Board Member TONIA BLAIR (left) goes Mask Optional but Voted To Keep Our Kids In Masks All Day. Ms. Blair was filmed angrily berating and mocking the public as they peacefully exercised their legal rights to speak at an Open School Board Meeting. Corner Tap, Main Street, Stockton, IL

But our school board is regularly observed parading around our community without their masks on – defying the governor’s mandate to wear masks in these public places. They freely waltz into school events, stores, restaurants and bars all over town on a daily basis, without the masks they gladly force our babies to wear all day, AND in open defiance of the governor’s mandate for masks in all public places.

But let’s go back to that word “Safe”. Wow! Now that’s another word misused to create fear. How many times do you hear “Stay safe!” If I hear someone tell me “Stay safe” when I go to a public place, I know they too are living the lie, and pretending that living in fear – while traumatizing our children – is somehow a really grand, and noble thing.

Stockton School Board Member, Laura Dittmar-Wilkinson, who voted to keep the Mask Mandate – masking our kids all day long, decides to attend a school event as “Mask Optional” in the Stockton High School Gymnasium, Stockton, IL. Edited to add: Ms. Dittmar Wilkinson has since stated that at this particular event she only removed her mask for a photo (which is against the Mandate). However, she has been frequently observed not wearing her mask at all, throughout the community.

But if the Stockton School Board really believed their own lies – that the mask is keeping everyone safe – including them – they’d never take it off in public, would they. And if they really believed in the governor’s mandate to wear masks in all public places, they wouldn’t openly defy it out in front of us every day.

Franklin Delano Roosevelt once said: “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” That’s as true today as it was when our country faced the Great Depression, and World War II.

But the thing I fear isn’t a virus that the vast majority of people fully recover from. And the Stockton School Board has proven they don’t really fear it either, by their own actions out in the community every day – they just PRETEND to be afraid.

No, what I fear most are School Board members who would dare presume to know more about Science than our Science Teacher.

I fear School Board members who are willing to throw our children’s education away just for the Covid Relief payoff – throwing the baby out with the bathwater – because they’ve lost approximately 10-15 children to homeschooling already – at approximately $16K per child! So, on the low end of 10 children at $16k per child, for 12 years, is $1.92 Million, nearly twice the $1.12 Million in Covid Relief funding received for this school year.

Our school enrollment has already been rapidly dwindling for years, to the point that not too long ago, there was a push to consolidate with the Warren schools. High School enrollment is already down approximately 50% over the last few decades. Can we really afford to continue to lose students? This is certainly very poor long-term planning.

I fear School Board members who are so threatened by anyone who disagrees that they attempt to deprive them of their First Amendment rights through intimidation, and smear campaigns. Who illegally attempt to silence dissent by harassing, bullying and openly mocking the public for peacefully exercising their right to speak at Open Meetings – in violation of the Open Meetings Act.

I fear School Board members who force kids to do what they themselves won’t do, just so they can look “politically correct”, while they do “virtue signaling performance art” for each other, but at the same time, demonstrating publicly that these were really just sham performances.

I fear school board members who’ve forgotten their duty to serve the public with respect, grace, dignity and diligence. I fear school board members who seem blissfully unaware of the momentous task ahead of them in repairing the public’s trust and goodwill.

I fear Big Pharma CEO’s beholden to shareholders profits, driving medical treatment decisions for patients instead of Doctors. I fear the exploitation of our precious children, by turning them into mere commodities for a political and financial agenda. I fear the physical and emotional abuse of our children – forced to wear an absolutely disgustingly filthy cloth on their faces all day. I fear turning our precious children into sacrificial cash cows.

I fear notoriously corrupt Illinois politics – ranked among the worst in the country – compromising our children’s education and futures. I fear the political posturing, Big Pharma corruption, propaganda campaigns & corruption at the federal, state and local levels, cherry-picking evidence, lying, bullying, tyrannical overreach, law breaking, violations of our Constitutional rights, vicious, baseless smear campaigns, and witch hunts by those with ulterior financial and political motives.

THIS is what we ALL should fear.

MALIGNANT Narcissists: Dr. Ramani

Dr. Ramani Durvasula is an American clinical psychologist, professor of psychology, media expert, and author. This three part series explores in depth the Malignant Narcissist.

Part 1 of 3: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3J4MEQ3N03w

Part 2 of 3: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K0iUJjxt40c

Part 3 of 3: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nWx_T6UfZiE

From One Mom’s Battle: Domestic Violence By Proxy

“A Message from OMB’s President (Rebecca Davis Merritt) and Vice President (Jennifer) about Domestic Violence by Proxy: You have probably seen OMB’s informational poster about why we advocate not using the term or “theory” of Parental Alienation. We post it once a month encouraging our readers to understand that the controlling behaviors of Cluster B parents in trying to place a wedge between the children and healthy parent is Domestic Violence by Proxy. The emotional abuse of a Cluster B is domestic Violence (DV). When a Cluster B personality disordered individual enters the family court system they wage war upon the healthy parent.

They may have been absent parents never attending school, medical or dental appointments but suddenly they attend everything, preening as the doting father or mother and may push for custody. Custody is seen as a prize. The goal is to hurt the healthy primary parent and save money via child support calculations.

As part of that push they groom children to see their healthy parent as untrustworthy and self-centered (projection), with divorce or separation their fault while portraying the Cluster B parent as wounded and needing the children to shower him or her with love and affection. Children often respond to this gaslighting by siding with the abusive parent. The Cluster B parent often blames the healthy parent for his or her own actions, claiming parental alienation (PA). If the children distrust Cluster B parent based upon a history of abusive behaviors, this estrangement is labeled as PA. The healthy parent, unfortunately, is at serious risk of losing custody  in family court.

Men who physically batter their former partner are much more likely to gain custody than the healthy parent.  Courts have been taught that women claiming DV in family court are usually lying and using this false claim to secure custody. Even when DV claims are accepted, courts falsely believe DV only affects direct victim and that abusers can be good parents to their children. Once Cluster Bs have the children away from the healthy parent, they use manipulation and other forms of abuse to convince the children that their other parent never loved them and are untrustworthy. Alina Patterson (2003) first defined Domestic Violence by Proxy or DV Proxy. DV Proxy is a pattern of behavior where a parent with a history of using domestic violence, or intimidation uses the child (as a substitute) when s/he does not have access to the former partner. Continuing the cycle of domestic violence, the cycle of Domestic Violence by Proxy starts when the victim leaves the abuser and the abuser learns the easiest way to continue to harm and control the former partner is through controlling access to the children.

Once the abuser has control of the children they are able to continue stalking, harassing and abusing the former partner even when the abuser has no direct access. DV can manifest in ways such as threats to the children if they display a close relationship with the former partner, destroying the children’s favorite possessions given by the former partner and emotional abuse. Children are often coached to make false allegations about the parent.DV by proxy is very deliberate and planned. The abusers know what they are doing and chose their controlling, coercive, and illegal behaviors. The behaviors are usually surrounded by threats and fears and often include “battery, destruction of property, locking children in rooms to prevent them from calling parents, falsifying documents, along with other similar overt behaviors.”

As the leadership council suggests, “Calling this behavior “parental alienation” is not strong enough to convey the criminal pattern of terroristic behaviors employed by batterers.” Unlike Gardner’s discredited PAS theory, the behaviors associated with DV by proxy are visible. Gardner stated the behaviors by the “alienating parent” were unconscious or unseen. This is one of the scarier components in Gardner’s theory because you cannot defend yourself against unseen things. Many healthy parents have found themselves trying to defend themselves against these unseen behaviors.

Family court professionals often fail to understand the presence and implications of both domestic violence and Cluster B psychopathology. Thus family court usually encourages unfettered access of the children to abusers. Family court judges and lawyers often work to punish healthy parents reporting bona fide abuse. Yet, they often seem to believe the victim stories told by abusers. Court officials often seem slow to recognize how family court itself can be abusive, particularly protracted, repeated, unnecessary court hearings used by the abuser to drain the financial and emotional resources of the healthy parent. Children may be placed with the abuser while the healthy parent is discredited through accusations of mental illness or PA. Other professionals involved including GALs, evaluators, therapists, etc. often take on responsibilities that are beyond their skill level. Antisocial and or Narcissistic personality disordered parents with good impression management skills are adept at “conning people, or gaining sympathy, and can win the trust and support of a family court professional while turning that same person against their ex-partner.”

The main goal of the abuser is s/he will end up with complete control over the children and will use this power over his former partner, “who tried to escape the power and control of the once abusive marriage.” They do not care if the children are harmed as long as their former partner is hurt and they feel they have won. It is imperative that the healthy parent and attorney understands how to use DV by proxy to counter and claims of parental alienation.

The following links may also be helpful: http://www.thelizlibrary.org/liz/Hoult-PASarticlechildrenslawjournal.pdfhttps://www.leadershipcouncil.org/1/pas/dv.htmlhttp://www.dvleap.org/Programs/CustodyAbuseProject/PASCaseOverview.as 

###One Mom’s Battle: Our mission at One Mom’s Battle is to increase awareness of Cluster B personality disorders (Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Antisocial Personality Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder) and their impact upon shared parenting and the Family Court System which includes Judges, CPS workers, Guardian ad Litems (GAL), Parenting Coordinators (PC), Custody Evaluators, therapists and attorneys. Education on Cluster B disorders will allow these professionals to truly act in the best interest of the children.

History of One Mom’s Battle: In 2009, One Mom’s Battle began with one mother, (Tina Swithin), navigating the choppy waters of a high-conflict divorce in the Family Court System. Since then, it has turned into a grassroots movement reaching the far corners of the Earth. Tina’s battle spanned from 2009 – 2014 during which time she acted as her own attorney. Ultimately, Tina was successful in protecting her daughters and her family has enjoyed complete peace since October 2014 when a Family Court commissioner called her ex-husband a “sociopath” and revoked his parenting time in a final custody order.Tina Swithin: Tina Swithin’s books are available online at Amazon (print, Kindle or audio format). Each year, Tina offers life-changing weekends of camaraderie and healing at the Lemonade Power Retreat.  Tina also offers one-on-one coaching services and a private, secure forum called, The Lemonade Club, for those enduring high-conflict custody battles.”https://www.onemomsbattle.com/blog/domestic-violence-by-proxy

Abusive Power And Control

The following is an excerpt of an excellent resource on Abusive Power And Control behaviors from Wikipeda. Please see the link at the bottom of this excerpt for the complete article. It does a great job of showing many of the power and control tactics used by abusive, controlling, and manipulative people in one short article. It is also helpful in that it lists what most would consider as “positive behaviors”, i.e. doing “nice things” for someone. Most articles on abuse, power and control, and coercive control focus on the overtly negative behaviors, but leave out these positive behaviors that are also used to coerce and control others.

However, it does omit Suicidality. Many abusive, controlling and manipulative people also use threats of suicide as a means of coercive control, emotional abuse and blackmail. These suicidal threats can be overt, or more subtle references to suicide, with a manipulative, controlling intent.

Abusive power and control (also controlling behavior and coercive control) is commonly used by an abusive person to gain and maintain power and control over another person in order to subject that victim to psychologicalphysicalsexual, or financial abuse. The motivations of the abuser are varied and can include devaluationenvy, personal gain, personal gratificationpsychological projection, or just for the sake of the enjoyment of exercising power and control.[1]

Controlling abusers use tactics to exert power and control over their victims. The tactics themselves are psychologically and sometimes physically abusive. Control may be exerted through economic abuse, limiting the victim, as they may not have the means to resist or leave the abuse.[2] The goal of the abuser is to control, intimidate, and influence the victim to feel they do not have an equal voice in the relationship.[3]

Manipulators and abusers often control their victims with a range of tactics, including, but not limited to, positive reinforcement (such as praisesuperficial charmflatteryingratiationlove bombingsmilinggifts, attention), negative reinforcement (taking away aversive tasks or items), intermittent or partial reinforcement, psychological punishment (such as naggingsilent treatmentswearingthreatsintimidationemotional blackmailguilt trips, inattention) and traumatic tactics (such as verbal abuse or explosive anger).[4]

The vulnerabilities of the victim are exploited with those who are particularly vulnerable being most often selected as targets.[4][5][6] Traumatic bonding (also popularly known as Stockholm syndrome) can occur between the abuser and victim as the result of ongoing cycles of abuse in which the intermittent reinforcement of reward and punishment creates powerful emotional bonds that are resistant to change and a climate of fear.[7] An attempt may be made to normaliselegitimiserationalisedeny, or minimise the abusive behaviour, or blame the victim for it.[8][9][10]

Isolationgaslightingmind gameslyingdisinformationpropagandadestabilisationbrainwashing, and divide and rule are other strategies that are often used. The victim may be plied with alcohol or drugs or deprived of sleep to help disorientate them.[11][12] Based on statistical evidence, certain personality disorders correlate with abusive tendencies of individuals with those specific personality disorders when also compiled with abusive childhoods themselves. [13]

The seriousness of coercive control in modern Western societies has been increasingly realised with changes to the law in several countries so it is a definable criminal offence. In conjunction with this there have been increased attempts by the legal establishment to understand the characteristics and effects of coercive control in legal terminology. For example, on January 1, 2019, Ireland enacted the Domestic Violence Act 2018, which allowed for the practice of coercive control to be identifiable based upon its effects on the victim. And on this basis defining it as: ‘any evidence of deterioration in the physical, psychological, or emotional welfare of the applicant or a dependent person which is caused directly by fear of the behaviour of the respondent’.[14] On a similar basis of attempting to understand and stop the widespread practice of coercive control, in 2019, the UK government made teaching about what coercive control was a mandatory part of the education syllabus on relationships.[15] While coercive control is often considered in the context of an existing intimate relationship, when it is used to elicit a sexual encounter it is legally considered as being a constituent part of sexual abuse or rape. When it is used to begin and maintain a longer term intimate relationship it is considered to be a constituent element of sexual slavery.” https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abusive_power_and_control

Are You In A Trauma Bonded Relationship?

Trauma Bonding Relationships

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Jo Yurcaba・October 12, 2020

“A trauma bonding relationship is reflective of an attachment created by repeated physical or emotional trauma with intermittent positive reinforcement, according to licensed psychologist Liz Powell, PsyD. Put simply, in a relationship with trauma bonding, there’s “a lot of really terrible stuff happening and then occasionally really great stuff happening,” they say.

Trauma bonding isn’t limited to happening in just romantic relationships, either. It can also happen in dynamics that include fraternity hazing, military training, kidnapping, child abuse, political torture, cults, prisoners of war, or concentration camps, Dr. Powell says…..” https://www.wellandgood.com/trauma-bonding-relationship/

Little-known reasons why you need to leave the narcissist ASAP!

Let Me Reach with Kim Saeed

The effects of psychological and narcissistic abuse come with many devastating consequences, but there are two that almost no one knows about–unless they’re a doctor or neuroscientist.

In fact, these two outcomes may be the most destructive result of emotional trauma over the long-term and is an added reason why–if you have children with a narcissistic partner–you should try to leave as soon as reasonably possible.

By now, most of us know that repeated emotional trauma leads to both PTSD and C-PTSD, which should be reason enough to leave an abusive partner.  But, what many people don’t realize is that over time, these repeated emotional injuries shrink the hippocampus, which is responsible for memory and learning, while enlarging the amygdala, which houses primitive emotions such as fear, grief, guilt, envy, and shame.

Hippocampus basics

The hippocampus, which is Greek for “seahorse,” is a paired structure tucked inside each temporal lobe and…

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