Category Archives: Smear Campaign of the Abuser

MALIGNANT Narcissists: Dr. Ramani

Dr. Ramani Durvasula is an American clinical psychologist, professor of psychology, media expert, and author. This three part series explores in depth the Malignant Narcissist.

Part 1 of 3: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3J4MEQ3N03w

Part 2 of 3: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K0iUJjxt40c

Part 3 of 3: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nWx_T6UfZiE

Maybe you’re not mentally ill-maybe your body & mind are just saying NO to abuse

An abnormal reaction to an abnormal situation is normal behavior.” -Viktor Frankl

He should know, he’s the world-famous psychiatrist who survived the Nazi Holocaust, along with their murder of every single one of his family members.

All abusers, and all corrupt court parasites in the Family Court Holocaust label abuse victims as “mentally ill”. That’s the way the game is played, and rigged. All the better to silence you so they can continue whatever their game of abuse at the moment happens to be. And then of course, to harvest victims for the litigation-therapy racket.

Dr. Daniel Fisher & The Litigation Therapy Racket w/ Michael Volpe

But if they really hit the jackpot with a victim with some real financial assets, then look out because you’re ripe for probate court crimes, i.e. conservatorship or guardianship abuse. Or in my case, Elder Abuse of my father – Financial Exploitation of An Elderly Person With a Disability, which for the high dollar amount in our case, just happens to be a Class I Felony here in Illinois.

The most famous, current example is Britney Spears, whose corrupt child custody case fed directly into her current 13-year long Conservatorship nightmare. All abusers and court parasites know the best way to control a woman is through their kids. Britney was threatened with you’d better agree to this conservatorship or you’ll never see your kids again.

Britney Spears

She had good reason to believe them too, as Jane Shatz – (who lost her license in California for misconduct & is now trying to get licensed in Nevada) – wrote a fraudulent custody evaluation for the kids’ father, Jason Federline & Spears’ very own father – the perfect team of misogynistic domestic abusers ganging up on the woman in the family, you know – just keeping her in her place, right? You know, that little woman whose hard work, and world class talent is feeding, clothing and housing them all. Now, at age 39, Spears has finally said NO, this is enough.

I should know too – my ex-husband and his gang of court parasites and psychopaths, trying their best to label me as “crazy”. They were so frustrated, they thought they had finally won this key play in the abusers/court parasite handbook. Imagine their surprise when their little Gaslighting scam on me failed. And all they had to show for their manipulations was “Adjustment Disorder” – Situational Depression/Anxiety caused by THEM – BY THEIR LEGAL & FINANCIAL ABUSE!

And while our four generation family farm wealth certainly pails in comparison to what an abusive ex & court parasites can steal from a mega star like Britney Spears, my share of our estate was ripe for their pickings, with an elderly father ill with Parkinson’s, and his wife’s health failing from failed back surgery syndrome. But if it was this easy to commit all these crimes against a major world pop star, just think how easy it is to do to the rest of us?!

AMother’sHeartSongsUnsilenced Turns Seven: Why I Write, Lisa Nadig

#nataliekoga #exposethecorruption

I was forced to look directly into the face of evil, and I saw evil looking back at me. But I learned that telling the truth really does set you free – It might even save your life.

Seven years ago, on my birthday in 2014, I had no idea that my simple, anonymous blog post about a birthday cut off from my only child due to court licensed abuse, would morph into a website with the power to force the rich and powerful corrupt players in my Chicago family court case to resign. I only knew in my heart that day, celebrating my birthday alone, that I must express the inexpressible, because it was killing me. So, without any training as a writer, journalist, activist or web designer, I wrote my first article, Birthday Reflections, and published it here anonymously, on July 5, 2014.

But when the post exposing corrupt Child Representative Natalie Koga went viral, I began receiving anonymous threats to take this website down. Little did I know at the time that they were all facing investigation due to this exposure. But I will never be silenced by such bullies, and I have never accepted any payment for this website – a labor of love for fellow survivors.

Abusers know the best way to break a woman is by taking her Child. When an abusive man files for Sole Custody he gets it 70% of the time.

What began as a simple blog, developed into a comprehensive website. I’ve been contacted by people from all over the United States, and Europe, sharing similar stories, and thanking me for this site.

This site is searchable, organized under Categories and Tags. There are static “Pages” across the top, and Blog posts running down the right side.

It covers domestic abuse, legal abuse/court stalking, court corruption, Kids for Cash scams, the litigation-therapy racket, the billions of dollars in federal money for abusive fathers through the Federal Fatherhood Initiative driving these cases, the need for oversight/accountability for judges, lawyers, and court vendors, and cameras in the courtroom. Also included is information on Conservatorship and Guardianship abuse because Family Court crimes are frequently a gateway to Probate crimes.

It has comprehensive information on healing from trauma and corruption, including countless articles written by top experts, including Michael Volpe, Barry Goldstein, Tina Swithin, Doreen Ludwig, Sam Vaknin, Kim Saeed, and many others.

It also includes my own articles on healing, documenting the corruption in my own case, and others across the country. I’ve included case law, legal statutes, and lawsuits filed against corrupt officials, and abusive parents. There are Resources pages with hundreds of hours of researching and compiling valuable resources in one place.

Though when I started writing in 2014 this site was completely anonymous, my ex-husband and his vicious lawyers immediately began hauling me into court over it. Apparently, they didn’t want me to have a voice.

Natalie Koga pushed the judge to allow my ex to file 8 custody petitions, reducing my Child & I to mere commodities in their Kids for Cash scam.

As my ex’s lawyer #6 abused, and harassed me on the witness stand, to my amazement, the corrupt judge was visibly moved by my writings. For a moment frozen in time forever etched in my memory, I saw a flicker of humanity, a flash of recognition that it was wrong. I saw the person he once was as a young man, or might have become, before he fell in line, “going along to get along” in the Cook County family court racket. Visibly shaken, he quietly excused me from testifying, and hurriedly dismissed their petition for sanctions against me.

Separating children from their mothers is big business. Billions$ in Federal Fatherhood funding drives these cases, along w/ an abuser’s drive to use litigation to punish his victim for leaving & avoid child support payments.

But they kept hauling me into court to answer countless harassing motions, including four attempts to throw me in jail – all alone – because there had been so much legal/financial abuse that they ran me out of money for a lawyer.

It’s been a very long, tough journey, these past seven years. I’ve discovered things about corruption in our courts, and our government, that quite frankly, sometimes I wish I didn’t know. Dark, disturbing, ugly things that make it difficult for me to celebrate July Fourth or other patriotic holidays.

I’m grateful to the wonderful friends and mentors I’ve met along this journey. I’m inspired daily by their courage, and dedication to helping innocent people used by corrupt court officials and vendors in their pursuit of easy wealth without work – their Kids For Cash scams.

I’m profoundly grateful to the countless court victims – parents and children – who’ve stepped forward, trusting me with their stories.

The truth really does set you free – Veritas liberabit.

I’ve learned that I could survive the un-survivable – a gang – a cabal really – that tried with all their might to bully me to death through family court. I survived their threats, and stalking – both in and out of court – while being forcibly stripped of my humanity, to be used as a commodity in their scams. And I’ve learned to never stop speaking the truth, for it has the power to set you free. It might even save your life.

From One Mom’s Battle: Domestic Violence By Proxy

“A Message from OMB’s President (Rebecca Davis Merritt) and Vice President (Jennifer) about Domestic Violence by Proxy: You have probably seen OMB’s informational poster about why we advocate not using the term or “theory” of Parental Alienation. We post it once a month encouraging our readers to understand that the controlling behaviors of Cluster B parents in trying to place a wedge between the children and healthy parent is Domestic Violence by Proxy. The emotional abuse of a Cluster B is domestic Violence (DV). When a Cluster B personality disordered individual enters the family court system they wage war upon the healthy parent.

They may have been absent parents never attending school, medical or dental appointments but suddenly they attend everything, preening as the doting father or mother and may push for custody. Custody is seen as a prize. The goal is to hurt the healthy primary parent and save money via child support calculations.

As part of that push they groom children to see their healthy parent as untrustworthy and self-centered (projection), with divorce or separation their fault while portraying the Cluster B parent as wounded and needing the children to shower him or her with love and affection. Children often respond to this gaslighting by siding with the abusive parent. The Cluster B parent often blames the healthy parent for his or her own actions, claiming parental alienation (PA). If the children distrust Cluster B parent based upon a history of abusive behaviors, this estrangement is labeled as PA. The healthy parent, unfortunately, is at serious risk of losing custody  in family court.

Men who physically batter their former partner are much more likely to gain custody than the healthy parent.  Courts have been taught that women claiming DV in family court are usually lying and using this false claim to secure custody. Even when DV claims are accepted, courts falsely believe DV only affects direct victim and that abusers can be good parents to their children. Once Cluster Bs have the children away from the healthy parent, they use manipulation and other forms of abuse to convince the children that their other parent never loved them and are untrustworthy. Alina Patterson (2003) first defined Domestic Violence by Proxy or DV Proxy. DV Proxy is a pattern of behavior where a parent with a history of using domestic violence, or intimidation uses the child (as a substitute) when s/he does not have access to the former partner. Continuing the cycle of domestic violence, the cycle of Domestic Violence by Proxy starts when the victim leaves the abuser and the abuser learns the easiest way to continue to harm and control the former partner is through controlling access to the children.

Once the abuser has control of the children they are able to continue stalking, harassing and abusing the former partner even when the abuser has no direct access. DV can manifest in ways such as threats to the children if they display a close relationship with the former partner, destroying the children’s favorite possessions given by the former partner and emotional abuse. Children are often coached to make false allegations about the parent.DV by proxy is very deliberate and planned. The abusers know what they are doing and chose their controlling, coercive, and illegal behaviors. The behaviors are usually surrounded by threats and fears and often include “battery, destruction of property, locking children in rooms to prevent them from calling parents, falsifying documents, along with other similar overt behaviors.”

As the leadership council suggests, “Calling this behavior “parental alienation” is not strong enough to convey the criminal pattern of terroristic behaviors employed by batterers.” Unlike Gardner’s discredited PAS theory, the behaviors associated with DV by proxy are visible. Gardner stated the behaviors by the “alienating parent” were unconscious or unseen. This is one of the scarier components in Gardner’s theory because you cannot defend yourself against unseen things. Many healthy parents have found themselves trying to defend themselves against these unseen behaviors.

Family court professionals often fail to understand the presence and implications of both domestic violence and Cluster B psychopathology. Thus family court usually encourages unfettered access of the children to abusers. Family court judges and lawyers often work to punish healthy parents reporting bona fide abuse. Yet, they often seem to believe the victim stories told by abusers. Court officials often seem slow to recognize how family court itself can be abusive, particularly protracted, repeated, unnecessary court hearings used by the abuser to drain the financial and emotional resources of the healthy parent. Children may be placed with the abuser while the healthy parent is discredited through accusations of mental illness or PA. Other professionals involved including GALs, evaluators, therapists, etc. often take on responsibilities that are beyond their skill level. Antisocial and or Narcissistic personality disordered parents with good impression management skills are adept at “conning people, or gaining sympathy, and can win the trust and support of a family court professional while turning that same person against their ex-partner.”

The main goal of the abuser is s/he will end up with complete control over the children and will use this power over his former partner, “who tried to escape the power and control of the once abusive marriage.” They do not care if the children are harmed as long as their former partner is hurt and they feel they have won. It is imperative that the healthy parent and attorney understands how to use DV by proxy to counter and claims of parental alienation.

The following links may also be helpful: http://www.thelizlibrary.org/liz/Hoult-PASarticlechildrenslawjournal.pdfhttps://www.leadershipcouncil.org/1/pas/dv.htmlhttp://www.dvleap.org/Programs/CustodyAbuseProject/PASCaseOverview.as 

###One Mom’s Battle: Our mission at One Mom’s Battle is to increase awareness of Cluster B personality disorders (Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Antisocial Personality Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder) and their impact upon shared parenting and the Family Court System which includes Judges, CPS workers, Guardian ad Litems (GAL), Parenting Coordinators (PC), Custody Evaluators, therapists and attorneys. Education on Cluster B disorders will allow these professionals to truly act in the best interest of the children.

History of One Mom’s Battle: In 2009, One Mom’s Battle began with one mother, (Tina Swithin), navigating the choppy waters of a high-conflict divorce in the Family Court System. Since then, it has turned into a grassroots movement reaching the far corners of the Earth. Tina’s battle spanned from 2009 – 2014 during which time she acted as her own attorney. Ultimately, Tina was successful in protecting her daughters and her family has enjoyed complete peace since October 2014 when a Family Court commissioner called her ex-husband a “sociopath” and revoked his parenting time in a final custody order.Tina Swithin: Tina Swithin’s books are available online at Amazon (print, Kindle or audio format). Each year, Tina offers life-changing weekends of camaraderie and healing at the Lemonade Power Retreat.  Tina also offers one-on-one coaching services and a private, secure forum called, The Lemonade Club, for those enduring high-conflict custody battles.”https://www.onemomsbattle.com/blog/domestic-violence-by-proxy

IL Mom Sues Judge, Ex & GAL For $8M-The Complaints

Here is a copy of Ms. Hadzi-Tanovic’s Federal Complaint against ex-husband Slabodan Pavlovich, Associate Judge Robert W. Johnson, and former powerful attorney David Pasulka, who acted as the Guardian ad Litem on the Case. Pasulka also formerly headed a secret list of lawyers chosen for the highly lucrative appointments as GAL’s & Child Reps in Cook County Chicago. Recently, the IL ARDC finally acted to disbar Pasulka, after many years of ignored complaints. True to the pattern of bad judges and lawyers protecting one another through the IL ARDC, Judicial Inquiry Board, and the head judge offices, they only acted after significant publicity. Sadly, bad judges and lawyers continue causing serious harm to children and families on a routine basis, only facing consequences once the negative publicity finally becomes too great to ignore. In this case, the IL ARDC finally acted against Pasulka only after attorney Lawrence Thompson’s open letter calling for the resignations of Cook County’s head judges Tim Evans and Grace Dickler, for allowing Paulka to remain in power, was aired on CBS Channel 2 News. https://songsunsilenced.wordpress.com/2021/03/23/attorney-claims-top-chicago-judges-enabled-embattled-lawyer-david-pasulka-to-have-unchecked-power-in-selecting-family-lawyers/

“Aneta Hadzi-Tanovic, leader of the local Illinois Women’s Coalition, has filed an $8 million federal lawsuit against Family Court judge Robert Wade Johnson, the GAL, and her ex for conspiring to deprive her under the color of law of her right to due process and equal protection, as well as for the intentional torts “abuse of process” and “intentional infliction of emotional distress”.

Aneta’s custody nightmare mirrors women’s cases all over the country and world in which Family Court judges disregard substantial negative evidence about the father, and fabricate negative evidence about the mother, in order to justify switching custody to the father.”  Mom Sues Judge, GAL and Ex For $8M In U.S. Federal Court

LAWSUIT COUNTS
1. Conspiracy to deprive of due process [42 U.S.C. §1983]
2. Conspiracy to deprive of equal protection under the law [42 U.S.C. §1983]
3. Abuse of process [intentional tort]
4. Intentional infliction of emotional distress [intentional tort]

The Gift Of The Scapegoat

“If you can wait & not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don’t give way to hating…”
from “If” by Rudyard Kipling

It’s devastating to be forced into the role of someone’s scapegoat; to be used against your will as a toxic waste dump for the sins, shame, and “secrets” of others, a soul crushing, life-altering role nobody would ever sign up for. Yet, this is precisely how the Scapegoaters & Gaslighters want their target to feel.

It’s being confronted with the worst possible violations of social norms, morals, and ethical behavior. It’s looking that horrible behavior straight in the eye, and vowing never to treat anyone else that way. They teach us how not to be.

And then it slowly dawns on you that out in the “real world”, everyone else has seen through their crazy, shared delusions all along! That to everyone else, these people really “aren’t all that” like they think they are. Otherwise, why would they have to work so hard to convince you in the first place?

You slowly emerge from their darkness, and build relationships where you never have to worry about when the other shoe will drop, and you can feel anchored and secure. You form friendships with those who would never think of bullying you or playing mind games, because they don’t need to. People who enjoy lifting you up, who give and receive love with no hidden agenda.

It’s becoming someone who survived a holocaust you weren’t meant to survive. The perpetrators certainly didn’t expect you to, but somehow you did.

And with the knowledge that you really can survive anything – even people trying to bully you to death through family court – you realize you’ve become someone who’s not afraid of any challenge life can throw your way, because deep inside you know you’ve already survived the very worst abuse anyone could possibly dole out

And then you finally see that this is The Gift you’ve been given – the knowledge of your own personal power in the face of sheer, unadulterated eviland you’re grateful for it.

Although the strengths of the narcissist family scapegoat make her a target, they are also her salvation. Her ability to see and question along with her desire for justice enable her to escape the family tyranny while others cannot. And her capacity for empathy, so unlike that of the grandiose and compassionless narcissist, gives her the ability to form healthy and fulfilling relationships beyond her family of origin. The scapegoat’s redemption is breaking free.”https://www.huffpost.com/entry/the-strength-of-the-scapegoat-in-the-narcissist-family_b_58b27448e4b0658fc20f9678

Gaslighters Tactics: Double-Bind, Lisa Nadig

Grandville, MA“If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don’t give way to hating…”
from “If” by Rudyard Kipling

This is part one in a series exploring the various tactics Gaslighters use to silence, control, isolate, marginalize, and psychologically torture their victims.  This article will explore the double bind – the no-win situation engineered by the Gaslighter.  One psychoanalyst, Lenoard Shengold, described this process as “soul murder”.

Gaslight_1944_trailer(3)Gaslighting, at it’s very core, is an attempt to “drive someone crazy”, and to orchestrate this belief in the victim’s support system, to isolate them.  It’s a calculated, preemptive strategy to discredit the victim, so that the Gaslighter can abuse with impunity, while even recruiting proxies to join in.  Thus, the abuser escapes accountability, the victim is alone, making it impossible to fight back, while a group of proxy abusers is formed, frequently even from the victim’s own family, who will carry on the abuse, group or family mobbing and social bullying, even in their absence.

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which a person or a group covertly sows seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or group, making them question their own memory, perception, or judgment, often evoking in them cognitive dissonance and other changes including low self-esteem. Using denial, misdirection, contradiction, and misinformation, gaslighting involves attempts to destabilize the victim and delegitimize the victim’s beliefs. Instances can range from the denial by an abuser that previous abusive incidents occurred, to the staging of bizarre events by the abuser with the intention of disorienting the victim.”

Gaslight“The term originates in the systematic psychological manipulation of a victim by her husband in Patrick Hamilton’s 1938 stage play Gas Light,[4] and the film adaptations released in 1940 and 1944.[5] In the story, the husband attempts to convince his wife and others that she is insane by manipulating small elements of their environment and insisting that she is mistaken, remembering things incorrectly, or delusional when she points out these changes.   Gaslighting-Wikipedia

One of the most insidious, underhanded tactics Gaslighters use, is to manufacture situations where the victim cannot confront the inherent dilemma, and therefore can neither opt out, or resolve the situation.  So, the double-bind is two conflicting demands, neither of which can be ignored or escaped.  The victim is torn both ways, and no matter which way they turn, or how hard they try, they can never win.  The Gaslighter knows the game is rigged, but the victim doesn’t find out until they have exhausted every possible attempt to satisfy the demands of the Gaslighter.

double-bindA few of my own personal examples are as follows:  The Gaslighter regularly complained that he needed me to “make more money”.  Unknown to me, he went behind my back to my family making those same false allegations, while turning on his magnificent “charm”.  It’s important to note that not only was there a heavy guilt trip, demanding that I “do more”, facts were conveniently missing from these statements and demands – the money I was earning already, along with the substantial savings by having no child care expense.

I was already well-trained by the Gaslighter to believe anything that went wrong  must be my fault, and could be fixed if I’d only try harder.  So, I got more employment, but it would require the Gaslighter to help by putting our child on the school bus two mornings per week.  He readily agreed, and so I began the job.  However, after a few weeks, the Gaslighter made vague excuses and suddenly wasn’t available, even though his job allowed him to do it.

This happened repeatedly.  The Gaslighter loudly complaining about a fictitious lack of money for all to hear.  Then I would start a job, only to have him duck out on his responsibilities after a few weeks.  It became a repeating cycle, with the Gaslighter sabotaging my employment every single time.  Yet, he continued blaming me for not earning enough, and complaining about my so-called “unwillingness to work” behind my back to my family, while of course, never admitting that he was purposely sabotaging it.

Another double-bind the Gaslighter manufactured was “losing the house”.  The family home went into foreclosure during the separation, when the Gaslighter stopped paying the mortgage.  However, the mortgage was only in his name, and I had no legal rights to even talk to the bank, much less pay the mortgage.

But yet, I was the only one attending all of the foreclosure court dates downtown at the Chicago Daley Center – alone.  After considerable effort, with the help of a foreclosure community action group, I somehow even managed to work my way up to the very top of management at Bank of America, obtaining an unheard of meeting with the VP of State Government Relations.  This bank executive put me into a cab with her where we went to meet with the underwriter.  A deal was offered that would have allowed us to keep the family home for our child.  They agreed to refinance the loan, and allow me to assume the mortgage after a month’s time.

All the Gaslighter had to do was provide documents directly to the bank to process the refinance, since the mortgage was only in his name.  Then, after refinancing, they would let me assume the loan.  So not only could the family home be saved for our child, the Gaslighter would no longer have a foreclosure on his record.   This was beneficial to him as well.

The VP of Government Relations sent an email to the Gaslighter, outlining the bank’s offer, as well as assurance his information would be confidential, and I would not have access to it.  However, the Gaslighter refused to provide the documents.  He wasn’t asked for any money-only documents.

This double-bind was set up so that he could blame the loss of our house on ME, while omitting the fact that he made it happen.

With this strategy, he was able to falsely portray me as a lazy person who couldn’t be trusted with money, to my family.  These are a few of the tactics that enabled him to influence my elderly, ill father to give him tens of thousands of dollars for family court lawyers, and to sign over my share of our four generation family farm trust to him.  It also enabled him to get money out of my very elderly grandmother.

birdescapecageIt can be a very arduous, painful process, but, the victim can slowly heal from the deep traumas created by the Gaslighter.   In time, with hard work, much perseverance, and a strong support system, the victim can re-claim their own voice.  It may be difficult to see, but there is life out there beyond Gaslighting, abuse, trauma, and social bullying.

ScapegoatNaive, easily-deceived people may be forever lost to us.  And, there are those who will never be able to let go of the Gaslighter’s smear campaign because it serves their psychological need for a scapegoat.  There are also those simply too proud to admit they were duped.  While they may be lost forever, the world keeps turning, life goes on without them, and I wish them well.  But, one by one, many have also quietly come to offer heart-felt apologies for listening to the lies, and participating in the family mobbing, as they have finally taken the time to remember who I am, and investigate all of the facts.

Sadly, the Gaslighter will always be who they are, forever trapped in their sick, compulsive need to control others, and use them to soothe their fragile egos.  But the victim can heal, and there is much joy out there in the real world, free from days spent being traumatized, isolated and exploited by a Gaslighter.

It is important to note, that if you have been fooled or manipulated by a Gaslighter, you are a victim too.  Gaslighters are very highly skilled manipulators, and most people have difficulty seeing through their considerable charm, elaborate layers of lies, subtle manipulations and distortions of the truth, and their seemingly uncanny ability to zero in on each victim’s particular emotional  weak point, to manipulate them for the desired effect.  Most people don’t operate in this purposely deceitful manner, and so they naturally don’t expect others to do so, particular when it is someone you love, trust and admire, or sadly, even rely upon.  Don’t be too hard on yourself, if you too were deceived about the victim.  Victims come to realize that those who were manipulated against them are not really to blame – the real blame lies with the Gaslighter!

Please visit the Resources page for further information on Gaslighting:  Resources

FreeBirg

Family Bully Aids Corruption To Hide “Secrets”

“In biblical lore, Aaron selected a goat on behalf of the entire tribe, cast upon it the sins of all members, and then banished it alone to the wild. The members of the tribe were then at great ease, having been freed from their cast-off sins—whatever those sins may have been.” The Blameless Burden: Scapegoating in Dysfunctional Families

A manipulative family bully with so-called secrets to try to hide aided the family court corruption, to provide a much needed distraction for open secrets that were blowing up in her face.  Forcing her family to shun me accomplished her goal:  create a diversion.  Glomming onto my documented abuser’s smear campaign became the perfect distraction.

Slandering, and shunning someone is designed to tarnish their name, and cause emotional pain – to silence them.  And if they heap enough group hatred onto the scapegoat, maybe – just maybe – they can numb their own shame and regret.

But never being allowed to confront your accusers is how the game is rigged.  Could you imagine if they allowed the scapegoat back into their midst, to inform everyone of the facts conveniently missing from their stories?  After they refused my invitation to join me in mediation,  as well as numerous other attempts to communicate over the years, I finally faced the stark reality that they NEED a scapegoat.

Beginning when the first child was just a baby, we were forced to hear our parent’s despair about him coming to their care with bruises.  It was torture to watch, as the family bully’s children were neglected and abused, a never-ending nightmare.  I took care of the family bully’s children for years, while she lived her secret life, and her spouse was too beside himself from her actions, to care for them himself.  Everyone in the family had to take care of these children due to her intense preoccupation with her secret activities.  Finally, in desperation, the eldest begged me to teach him how to cook so they wouldn’t keep going hungry in their home.

But my parents lived in fear of her threats to “take the children out of state” if they challenged her, walking on eggshells for years, talking about calling DCFS,  then trying to get the other set of parents to call for them, fearing her threats.  Everybody was looking for a “fall guy” to take her wrath.

When this was dropped at my door, I did what they discussed for years.  I called DCFS.  And so, I became the bully’s target, with my parents too afraid to admit that calling DCFS was their idea in the first place.  Also omitted from the family narrative, is the school social worker’s statement I was justified in calling DCFS, and the teacher’s aide who said they stood and cheered.

This family bully’s spouse landed on my doorstep, a total mess – utterly destroyed, and reported chilling accounts of violence that caused me nightmares for weeks.  He related how she bashed his front teeth in and he needed them replaced, along with other accounts of ongoing violence whenever he dared challenge her “secret” life.  Finally, everything made sense:  his black eyes over the years, while he lowered his gaze in shame with flimsy excuses about  “running into the barn door“, the bruises I saw on the younger girls, my parent’s reports of bruises on the children, and eye-witness accounts of physical abuse in front of their homes.

But when it came down to doing anything to protect them, both of my sets of parents talked about it endlessly, but finally putting their heads in the sand, thinking it would be better to have the children abused nearby, than face her wrath, and possibly even have the children taken out of state.

What do narcissists do to truth tellers? Dr. Ramani

“Bullies within the family, especially female bullies, are masters (mistresses?) of manipulation and are fond of manipulating people through their emotions (eg guilt) and through their beliefs, attitudes and perceptions. Bullies see any form of vulnerability as an opportunity for manipulation.

ScapegoatA favourite tactic of the bully in the family is to set people against each other. The benefits to the bully are that:  a) the bully gains a great deal of gratification (a perverse form of satisfaction) from encouraging and provoking argument, quarreling and hostility, and then from watching others engage in adversarial interaction and destructive conflict, and b) the ensuing conflict ensures that people’s attention is distracted and diverted away from the cause of the conflict.”

“The family bully encourages and manipulates family members etc to lie, act dishonestly, withhold information, spread misinformation, and to punish the target.”  A Favorite Tactic Of The Bullies In Our Family-Set People Against Each Other

 “Publicity is justly commended as a remedy for social and industrial diseases. Sunlight is said to be the best of disinfectants; electric light the most efficient policeman.” From: Other People’s Money, Louis D. Brandeis, Supreme Court Justice

Natalie Koga Confronted With Eye-Witness To Her Corruption

The entire family watches on in dismay as the scapegoat informs the family that they will no longer be abused by them, and wants nothing more to do with them… Life becomes difficult for the narcissistic family when the trash can leaves. However, it becomes harder to blame the scapegoat when the endless drama between the family members continues – even when the scapegoat is nowhere to be found.  The Scapegoat Walks Away’

Forest Bathing for Recovery From Trauma & The Litigation Therapy Racket

MariaSoundOfMusicIn the opening scene of The Sound of Music, Maria sings “I go to the hills when my heart is lonely,  I know I will hear what I’ve heard before…”  The Sound of Music, Opening Scene  People have long known that being in nature is good medicine.  They didn’t need scientists or researchers to tell them that time spent outdoors, especially among trees, has countless health benefits.

Now science has caught up with this ancient wisdom.

Forest Bathing For Trauma Recovery  “Reconnecting to nature can be a powerful activity as part of trauma recovery and healing centered engagementPlaying in the dirt and walking barefoot heals us in infinite ways. Forests and natural landscapes expose us to healthy bacteria, sunshine, and phytoncides (chemicals released by trees that are known for their ability to improve our immune responses).  Forests decrease stress hormones and rumination and regulate our heart rate and blood pressure.”

Grandville, MAForest BathingForest bathing is based on an ancient Japanese cultural respect and reverence for the natural world and the interactions with the landscape that occur as a result. Shinrin-yoku (lit. “Immersion in the Forest Air”) is an experience that lets people be mindfully present with the surrounding forest. The sights, sounds and smells of the environment support and comfort each person as they literally “bathe” in the forest air.”

And for those of us who are survivors of Therapist Abuse by court shrinks paid for by the highest bidder, we know too well the trauma when these so-called “professionals” – the lawyers, court doctors, court therapists and hired gun evaluators –  trap and re-traumatize us in their lucrative litigation therapy racket.  Forcing a trauma victim to sit in their office re-living traumatic memories while they bill by the hour, scribbling their notes, writing false reports for corrupt Child Reps, Guardian Ad Litems, and guns for hire custody evaluators.  Because you are court-ordered to do it.  How convenient for them.

The survivors of the Rwandan genocide who famously kicked out the Western mental health practitioners further illustrates the damage talk therapy can do to trauma survivors.  “As the Rwandan, paraphrased by Solomon, puts it: “Their practice did not involve being outside in the sun where you begin to feel better. There was no music or drumming to get your blood flowing again. There was no sense that everyone had taken the day off so that the entire community could come together to try to lift you up and bring you back to joy. Instead they would take people one at a time into these dingy little rooms and have them sit around for an hour or so and talk about bad things that had happened to them. We had to ask them to leave.”  Exporting trauma: can the talking cure do more harm than good?

RollingMeadowsCtI’ll never forget the corrupt Child Representative Natalie Koga’s Machiavellian sneer, and her arrogant, fake, sing-songy, patronizing voice:  “Lisa, you just need to try har-der in ther-a-peeee”.  Have you completed your “treeeat-meeent”?  While she lied and abused me in court.  Met secretly with my ex.  Harmed my child. Exploited my family.  Natalie Koga Confronted With Eye-Witness To Her Corruption

Dr. Daniel Fisher, who wrote Natalie Koga’s made to order false reports, repeated his mantra, in his saccharin-sweet, pretending to care “therapist” voice:  “How’s your “therapy” going?”  Probing for anything to pounce on, all the while, working for the other side. Dr. Daniel Fisher’s Misconduct, With Michael Volpe

Twilightzone1959And who could ever forget Dr. Fisher’s disturbing, cringe-worthy performance for a packed courtroom during one of his several days of false testimony!

Bizarrely, finishing his star turn on the witness stand, taking center stage while raising his chest into a stiff military posture,  he faced my ex-husband directly.  Then, with a grand flourish, GAVE HIM A FULL MILITARY SALUTE RIGHT IN THE FRONT OF THE COURTROOM! 

He remained “at attention” for a full two seconds, then suddenly remembering himself, flustered, looking down, eyes darting about.  My ex-husband beamed with delight as Dr. Fisher tottered off  the “stage”.  Natalie Koga rewarded him by giving him even more inappropriate power and control over our lives.

As a treating therapist, it was against the law for Dr. Fisher to take on multiple roles.  But he used this as spring-board, becoming an unofficial parenting coordinator, custody evaluator, and suddenly in charge of all of the parties court ordered “therapy”.  Dr. Fisher already had a prior license sanction for the same misconduct in another case. Fisher_Redacted

Then there’s my ex’s hired gun custody evaluator Dr. Mark Goldstein.  My attorney had already caught Natalie Koga, Child Rep, and opposing counsel Meg Jackson conspiring to have him write a false report about me.  I felt like a lamb led to slaughter, while he crossed professional boundaries, plying me with inappropriate, sick questions.

tumblr_mu9qdnUdpk1rw872io4_500When I objected, he noted that I had an “anger problem”.  But his psychological testing showed the opposite, which of course he omitted from the custody evaluation, like the good little hired gun that he was.  When I showed the natural indignation of any normal, decent person to his disgusting questions, he wrote that I was “emotionally labile“.

And Judge Alfred Levinson’s perpetually red face from sipping out of his mystery container all day long, bellowing:  “Have you completed your therapy?” –  trying to make me look crazy – because the lawyers sitting up front waiting for their cases to be called saw his courtroom was a three ring circus. And the evidence I brought. Then Natalie Koga would lie some more – ignoring my therapy report as an excuse to label me uncooperative, and continue to completely bar any communication whatsoever between my son and I.

You see, just like Nurse Ratched in One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest, they aren’t in it to help people connect with their inner strength or heal from the trauma of abuse.  They aren’t there to cheer you on to re-build your life.

As hired gun crazy-makers, these “therapists” don’t encourage you to speak your own truth with confidence.   An empowered victim is the LAST thing they want.

They don’t advise you to walk on the beach, find the peace of the woods, garden, go barefoot savoring the cool grass between your toes, laugh, make art, go to concerts, further your education – or just take a break from endless talking about it – or anything else that challenges their power and control over their cash cows.

They WANT you continually stressed and traumatized.  They have no interest in your wellness.  They are not encouragers.

That would be counter-productive to the racket.

maxresdefaultThey are the bottom feeders of their professions who need you trapped, or they won’t have a job. 

Their JOB is to Gaslight the victim.  To put them off balance – to mess with their heads.  To re-traumatize them. 

To manufacture a “crazy label” for the victim in their Kids for Cash scam.  Hiding abuse, and keeping it going is big business.  And if they could, they would keep their cash cows trapped in their litigation therapy racket forever. 

After this pack of vicious predators got through with me, I understood how so many have been bullied to death in family court.  I went from being an award-winning professional opera singer singing in Carnegie Hall,  performing comfortably for two to three thousand people, to not even able to speak.  My brain knew what I wanted to say,  but I couldn’t make the words come out of my mouth.

10367137_811465682198562_816864177374600240_nI developed “Broken Heart Syndrome” with such severe chest pain,  I struggled with my teaching job.  I went from the woman doing it all, all the time – raising her child mostly alone, running a teaching studio, singing, and maintaining a large wooded property – to bed-ridden, after these vicious people finished running me through their Kids for Cash machine.

JoDaviessCountryI knew that in order to survive, I had to go back to the country.  I fell asleep listening to the music of crickets singing.  Walked my dog in the rolling, wooded hills with the sun on my face.

I basked in the warm embraces of those who knew me best – the people who I grew up with – my family, friends and community.  This was emergency care to a soul shattered by my ex and his gang’s constant drumming of the vicious lie that I was an outcast, so why not take everything away from me anyway.

I couldn’t hold a job anymore due to the trauma of the legal abuse.  They succeeded in their goal of completely destroying me.  So I worked when I could, sometimes only an hour per day, clearing weeds 6 feet high, started a garden, and slowly resurrected a friend’s old house that had been vacant for 10 years.  I thought by saving my friend’s old family home, I just might save myself in the process.

And I slowly regained my ability to speak.  It took two years.  I set about the arduous task of rebuilding a life that my ex-husband and his gang of ruthless financial predators did everything in their power to destroy.

Plant-in-Sunlight-864x577So, go to the woods.  Let the vast, majestic strength and beauty of a forest place it’s loving arms around you.  And dance out in the sun!  Kick your shoes off.  Plunge your hands into beautiful, dark earth, get it under your fingernails, and plant a garden. Sing around the campfire, enjoy a few beers, roast some hot dogs, and howl at the moon!  

If you live in a city, and have to drive to nature, do it.  Just Do it-You’ll be glad you did!  Even large cities have nature reserves, walking trails, botanical gardens, and parks for their citizen’s tired, frayed nerves!

The great naturalist, John Muir, “father of our national parks” said:

forest-bathing-2-e1556293782134“The mountains are calling and I must go.
The clearest way into the Universe is through a forest wilderness.
Between every two pines is a doorway to a new world.
Keep close to Nature’s heart… and break clear away, once in awhile, and climb a mountain or spend a week in the woods. Wash your spirit clean.”

Happy Vengeful Father Syndrome Day!

FlowerBouquetHappy Mother’s Day to all the Moms out there screwed over by our woman-hating, abuser-loving, greedy, corrupt family courts.  Mothers are amazing! It takes a really remarkable woman to survive it all.  You are loved!♥♥♥You are appreciated!♥♥♥You matter!!!♥♥♥

Mother’s are givers of life, they are kind, they are strong, they nurture.  They teach us what the words family, love, honor, and sacrifice mean. They laugh, they cry just like you and I.  They create home. They guide, they mentor.  They are nutritionists, and meal planners. They nurse, they heal, they sit with you. They are advocates, brow wipers, huggers, hand-holders, and protectors.  They have style, they have grace. They create the human race.

They work hard, they put in long hours, they are industrious.  They sew, they mend and tend.  They garden, they shop.  They are home economizers, bill payers, cooks, and chauffeurs.  They are interior decorators,  activity coordinators, and innovators.  They tend to the animals, and all creatures under their roof.  They are witty, bright, and generous of purse, time, talents, and skills.

FB_IMG_1567190447684They forgive generously, repeatedly.  They are resourceful researchers, and education interfacers.  They are capable, and fun-loving.  They are birthday cake bakers and party makers. They plan, they coordinate, they budget, they tidy it all up. They are creative, they scurry, improvising on the spot.

Moms sparkle, they beautify!   They are teachers, they are psychologists, and mediators.  They discipline, they worry, they love unconditionally.  They support, they cheer you on no matter what.  They are determined.  They have grit, they are tough.

They are loyal, they are fierce.  They are temperature takers, medicine givers, appointment makers, and frequently sleep deprived.  They are devoted, they are steadfast.

They are career sacrificers.  They are the make do with what you havers – the thrift shop dress buyers, moving sale furniture shoppers, coupon clippers, and do-withouters.  They are the the vacations,  insurance and 401k go-withouters.

Handful of starsMothers create the beauty and magic of holidays!  They are keepers of traditions.  They are gift buyers and wrappers.  They clean, decorate and prepare.  They hostess, entertain, then they pack it all up again.  They are memory makers, and photo takers.  They remember anniversaries, birthdays, and special occasions.  They are the card and gift senders.

They make you smile, they go ten extra miles!  They are loving, they are knowing and wise.  They are special, they are quirky, they are human. They are serious, they are funny, they don’t work for mere money.

1375635_10202963215273676_1558938398_nMothers are forever connected to their children at the most basic, fundamental,  core physical, cellular, mitochondrial, neurological, spiritual and emotional levels. They are all of this and so much more…they are your only, irreplaceable Mother!

♥♥♥So, to all the special, childless Moms out there – in case nobody’s told you lately – You are an amazing, terrific, remarkable, lovely, intelligent, strong, talented, resilient, breathtakingly beautiful woman!  All your work matters!  YOU MATTER!!!

♥♥♥HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!!!♥♥♥