Category Archives: Flying Monkeys

Narcissists Get Away With It Because They Are Enabled/Six Things The Enablers of Narcissists Say To You, Dr. Ramani

Dr. Ramani Durvasula is on a mission to demystify and dismantle the toxic influence of narcissism on all of our lives. She is a clinical psychologist in private practice in Santa Monica and Sherman Oaks, CA and Professor of Psychology at California State University, Los Angeles, where she was named Outstanding Professor in 2012, and a visiting professor at the University of Johannesburg. She was also the national recipient of the American Association of University Women Emerging Scholar Award.

“The reason Narcissits hold so much power in your family, your workplace, and society is because they are enabled. In workplaces nobody wants to kill the “golden goose”, society confuses arrogance and narcissism with confidence, families are scared of the narcissists’s rage, and social media rewards the outrageous, shameless behavior that narcissists are the masters at. The challenge is that once you’ve been woke to this pattern of narcissism, you see it and you can’t unsee it, and not just in the narcissist that has lead you on this journey of becoming more knowledgeable, but also in many people around you. You start to see that you have been playing on a toxic playing field for a long time. But if you know some of the kinds of statements and things that the enablers say, it lets you know that you are in fact potentially dealing with enablers and perhaps you can then stop questioning yourself, set better boundaries and hold onto your own reality.”

AMother’sHeartSongsUnsilenced Turns Seven: Why I Write, Lisa Nadig

#nataliekoga #exposethecorruption

I was forced to look directly into the face of evil, and I saw evil looking back at me. But I learned that telling the truth really does set you free – It might even save your life.

Seven years ago, on my birthday in 2014, I had no idea that my simple, anonymous blog post about a birthday cut off from my only child due to court licensed abuse, would morph into a website with the power to force the rich and powerful corrupt players in my Chicago family court case to resign. I only knew in my heart that day, celebrating my birthday alone, that I must express the inexpressible, because it was killing me. So, without any training as a writer, journalist, activist or web designer, I wrote my first article, Birthday Reflections, and published it here anonymously, on July 5, 2014.

But when the post exposing corrupt Child Representative Natalie Koga went viral, I began receiving anonymous threats to take this website down. Little did I know at the time that they were all facing investigation due to this exposure. But I will never be silenced by such bullies, and I have never accepted any payment for this website – a labor of love for fellow survivors.

Abusers know the best way to break a woman is by taking her Child. When an abusive man files for Sole Custody he gets it 70% of the time.

What began as a simple blog, developed into a comprehensive website. I’ve been contacted by people from all over the United States, and Europe, sharing similar stories, and thanking me for this site.

This site is searchable, organized under Categories and Tags. There are static “Pages” across the top, and Blog posts running down the right side.

It covers domestic abuse, legal abuse/court stalking, court corruption, Kids for Cash scams, the litigation-therapy racket, the billions of dollars in federal money for abusive fathers through the Federal Fatherhood Initiative driving these cases, the need for oversight/accountability for judges, lawyers, and court vendors, and cameras in the courtroom. Also included is information on Conservatorship and Guardianship abuse because Family Court crimes are frequently a gateway to Probate crimes.

It has comprehensive information on healing from trauma and corruption, including countless articles written by top experts, including Michael Volpe, Barry Goldstein, Tina Swithin, Doreen Ludwig, Sam Vaknin, Kim Saeed, and many others.

It also includes my own articles on healing, documenting the corruption in my own case, and others across the country. I’ve included case law, legal statutes, and lawsuits filed against corrupt officials, and abusive parents. There are Resources pages with hundreds of hours of researching and compiling valuable resources in one place.

Though when I started writing in 2014 this site was completely anonymous, my ex-husband and his vicious lawyers immediately began hauling me into court over it. Apparently, they didn’t want me to have a voice.

Natalie Koga pushed the judge to allow my ex to file 8 custody petitions, reducing my Child & I to mere commodities in their Kids for Cash scam.

As my ex’s lawyer #6 abused, and harassed me on the witness stand, to my amazement, the corrupt judge was visibly moved by my writings. For a moment frozen in time forever etched in my memory, I saw a flicker of humanity, a flash of recognition that it was wrong. I saw the person he once was as a young man, or might have become, before he fell in line, “going along to get along” in the Cook County family court racket. Visibly shaken, he quietly excused me from testifying, and hurriedly dismissed their petition for sanctions against me.

Separating children from their mothers is big business. Billions$ in Federal Fatherhood funding drives these cases, along w/ an abuser’s drive to use litigation to punish his victim for leaving & avoid child support payments.

But they kept hauling me into court to answer countless harassing motions, including four attempts to throw me in jail – all alone – because there had been so much legal/financial abuse that they ran me out of money for a lawyer.

It’s been a very long, tough journey, these past seven years. I’ve discovered things about corruption in our courts, and our government, that quite frankly, sometimes I wish I didn’t know. Dark, disturbing, ugly things that make it difficult for me to celebrate July Fourth or other patriotic holidays.

I’m grateful to the wonderful friends and mentors I’ve met along this journey. I’m inspired daily by their courage, and dedication to helping innocent people used by corrupt court officials and vendors in their pursuit of easy wealth without work – their Kids For Cash scams.

I’m profoundly grateful to the countless court victims – parents and children – who’ve stepped forward, trusting me with their stories.

The truth really does set you free – Veritas liberabit.

I’ve learned that I could survive the un-survivable – a gang – a cabal really – that tried with all their might to bully me to death through family court. I survived their threats, and stalking – both in and out of court – while being forcibly stripped of my humanity, to be used as a commodity in their scams. And I’ve learned to never stop speaking the truth, for it has the power to set you free. It might even save your life.

The Gift Of The Scapegoat, Lisa Nadig

“If you can wait & not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don’t give way to hating…”
from “If” by Rudyard Kipling

It’s devastating to be forced into the role of someone’s scapegoat; to be used against your will as a toxic waste dump for the sins, shame, and “secrets” of others, a soul crushing, life-altering role nobody would ever sign up for. Yet, this is precisely how the Scapegoaters & Gaslighters want their target to feel.

It’s being confronted with the worst possible violations of social norms, morals, and ethical behavior. It’s looking that horrible behavior straight in the eye, and vowing never to treat anyone else that way. They teach us how not to be.

And then it slowly dawns on you that out in the “real world”, everyone else has seen through their crazy, shared delusions all along! That to everyone else, these people really “aren’t all that” like they think they are. Otherwise, why would they have to work so hard to convince you in the first place?

You slowly emerge from their darkness, and build relationships where you never have to worry about when the other shoe will drop, and you can feel anchored and secure. You form friendships with those who would never think of bullying you or playing mind games, because they don’t need to. People who enjoy lifting you up, who give and receive love with no hidden agenda.

It’s becoming someone who survived a holocaust you weren’t meant to survive. The perpetrators certainly didn’t expect you to, but somehow you did.

And with the knowledge that you really can survive anything – even people trying to bully you to death through family court – you realize you’ve become someone who’s not afraid of any challenge life can throw your way, because deep inside you know you’ve already survived the very worst abuse anyone could possibly dole out

And then you finally see that this is The Gift you’ve been given – the knowledge of your own personal power in the face of sheer, unadulterated eviland you’re grateful for it.

Although the strengths of the narcissist family scapegoat make her a target, they are also her salvation. Her ability to see and question along with her desire for justice enable her to escape the family tyranny while others cannot. And her capacity for empathy, so unlike that of the grandiose and compassionless narcissist, gives her the ability to form healthy and fulfilling relationships beyond her family of origin. The scapegoat’s redemption is breaking free.”https://www.huffpost.com/entry/the-strength-of-the-scapegoat-in-the-narcissist-family_b_58b27448e4b0658fc20f9678

Abusive Power And Control

The following is an excerpt of an excellent resource on Abusive Power And Control behaviors from Wikipeda. Please see the link at the bottom of this excerpt for the complete article. It does a great job of showing many of the power and control tactics used by abusive, controlling, and manipulative people in one short article. It is also helpful in that it lists what most would consider as “positive behaviors”, i.e. doing “nice things” for someone. Most articles on abuse, power and control, and coercive control focus on the overtly negative behaviors, but leave out these positive behaviors that are also used to coerce and control others.

However, it does omit Suicidality. Many abusive, controlling and manipulative people also use threats of suicide as a means of coercive control, emotional abuse and blackmail. These suicidal threats can be overt, or more subtle references to suicide, with a manipulative, controlling intent.

Abusive power and control (also controlling behavior and coercive control) is commonly used by an abusive person to gain and maintain power and control over another person in order to subject that victim to psychologicalphysicalsexual, or financial abuse. The motivations of the abuser are varied and can include devaluationenvy, personal gain, personal gratificationpsychological projection, or just for the sake of the enjoyment of exercising power and control.[1]

Controlling abusers use tactics to exert power and control over their victims. The tactics themselves are psychologically and sometimes physically abusive. Control may be exerted through economic abuse, limiting the victim, as they may not have the means to resist or leave the abuse.[2] The goal of the abuser is to control, intimidate, and influence the victim to feel they do not have an equal voice in the relationship.[3]

Manipulators and abusers often control their victims with a range of tactics, including, but not limited to, positive reinforcement (such as praisesuperficial charmflatteryingratiationlove bombingsmilinggifts, attention), negative reinforcement (taking away aversive tasks or items), intermittent or partial reinforcement, psychological punishment (such as naggingsilent treatmentswearingthreatsintimidationemotional blackmailguilt trips, inattention) and traumatic tactics (such as verbal abuse or explosive anger).[4]

The vulnerabilities of the victim are exploited with those who are particularly vulnerable being most often selected as targets.[4][5][6] Traumatic bonding (also popularly known as Stockholm syndrome) can occur between the abuser and victim as the result of ongoing cycles of abuse in which the intermittent reinforcement of reward and punishment creates powerful emotional bonds that are resistant to change and a climate of fear.[7] An attempt may be made to normaliselegitimiserationalisedeny, or minimise the abusive behaviour, or blame the victim for it.[8][9][10]

Isolationgaslightingmind gameslyingdisinformationpropagandadestabilisationbrainwashing, and divide and rule are other strategies that are often used. The victim may be plied with alcohol or drugs or deprived of sleep to help disorientate them.[11][12] Based on statistical evidence, certain personality disorders correlate with abusive tendencies of individuals with those specific personality disorders when also compiled with abusive childhoods themselves. [13]

The seriousness of coercive control in modern Western societies has been increasingly realised with changes to the law in several countries so it is a definable criminal offence. In conjunction with this there have been increased attempts by the legal establishment to understand the characteristics and effects of coercive control in legal terminology. For example, on January 1, 2019, Ireland enacted the Domestic Violence Act 2018, which allowed for the practice of coercive control to be identifiable based upon its effects on the victim. And on this basis defining it as: ‘any evidence of deterioration in the physical, psychological, or emotional welfare of the applicant or a dependent person which is caused directly by fear of the behaviour of the respondent’.[14] On a similar basis of attempting to understand and stop the widespread practice of coercive control, in 2019, the UK government made teaching about what coercive control was a mandatory part of the education syllabus on relationships.[15] While coercive control is often considered in the context of an existing intimate relationship, when it is used to elicit a sexual encounter it is legally considered as being a constituent part of sexual abuse or rape. When it is used to begin and maintain a longer term intimate relationship it is considered to be a constituent element of sexual slavery.” https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abusive_power_and_control

Family Bully Aids Corruption To Hide “Secrets”

“In biblical lore, Aaron selected a goat on behalf of the entire tribe, cast upon it the sins of all members, and then banished it alone to the wild. The members of the tribe were then at great ease, having been freed from their cast-off sins—whatever those sins may have been.” The Blameless Burden: Scapegoating in Dysfunctional Families

A manipulative family bully with so-called secrets to try to hide aided the family court corruption, to provide a much needed distraction for open secrets that were blowing up in her face.  Forcing her family to shun me accomplished her goal:  create a diversion.  Glomming onto my documented abuser’s smear campaign became the perfect distraction.

Slandering, and shunning someone is designed to tarnish their name, and cause emotional pain – to silence them.  And if they heap enough group hatred onto the scapegoat, maybe – just maybe – they can numb their own shame and regret.

But never being allowed to confront your accusers is how the game is rigged.  Could you imagine if they allowed the scapegoat back into their midst, to inform everyone of the facts conveniently missing from their stories?  After they refused my invitation to join me in mediation,  as well as numerous other attempts to communicate over the years, I finally faced the stark reality that they NEED a scapegoat.

Beginning when the first child was just a baby, we were forced to hear our parent’s despair about him coming to their care with bruises.  It was torture to watch, as the family bully’s children were neglected and abused, a never-ending nightmare.  I took care of the family bully’s children for years, while she lived her secret life, and her spouse was too beside himself from her actions, to care for them himself.  Everyone in the family had to take care of these children due to her intense preoccupation with her secret activities.  Finally, in desperation, the eldest begged me to teach him how to cook so they wouldn’t keep going hungry in their home.

But my parents lived in fear of her threats to “take the children out of state” if they challenged her, walking on eggshells for years, talking about calling DCFS,  then trying to get the other set of parents to call for them, fearing her threats.  Everybody was looking for a “fall guy” to take her wrath.

When this was dropped at my door, I did what they discussed for years.  I called DCFS.  And so, I became the bully’s target, with my parents too afraid to admit that calling DCFS was their idea in the first place.  Also omitted from the family narrative, is the school social worker’s statement I was justified in calling DCFS, and the teacher’s aide who said they stood and cheered.

This family bully’s spouse landed on my doorstep, a total mess – utterly destroyed, and reported chilling accounts of violence that caused me nightmares for weeks.  He related how she bashed his front teeth in and he needed them replaced, along with other accounts of ongoing violence whenever he dared challenge her “secret” life.  Finally, everything made sense:  his black eyes over the years, while he lowered his gaze in shame with flimsy excuses about  “running into the barn door“, the bruises I saw on the younger girls, my parent’s reports of bruises on the children, and eye-witness accounts of physical abuse in front of their homes.

But when it came down to doing anything to protect them, both of my sets of parents talked about it endlessly, but finally putting their heads in the sand, thinking it would be better to have the children abused nearby, than face her wrath, and possibly even have the children taken out of state.

What do narcissists do to truth tellers? Dr. Ramani

“Bullies within the family, especially female bullies, are masters (mistresses?) of manipulation and are fond of manipulating people through their emotions (eg guilt) and through their beliefs, attitudes and perceptions. Bullies see any form of vulnerability as an opportunity for manipulation.

ScapegoatA favourite tactic of the bully in the family is to set people against each other. The benefits to the bully are that:  a) the bully gains a great deal of gratification (a perverse form of satisfaction) from encouraging and provoking argument, quarreling and hostility, and then from watching others engage in adversarial interaction and destructive conflict, and b) the ensuing conflict ensures that people’s attention is distracted and diverted away from the cause of the conflict.”

“The family bully encourages and manipulates family members etc to lie, act dishonestly, withhold information, spread misinformation, and to punish the target.”  A Favorite Tactic Of The Bullies In Our Family-Set People Against Each Other

 “Publicity is justly commended as a remedy for social and industrial diseases. Sunlight is said to be the best of disinfectants; electric light the most efficient policeman.” From: Other People’s Money, Louis D. Brandeis, Supreme Court Justice

Natalie Koga Confronted With Eye-Witness To Her Corruption

The entire family watches on in dismay as the scapegoat informs the family that they will no longer be abused by them, and wants nothing more to do with them… Life becomes difficult for the narcissistic family when the trash can leaves. However, it becomes harder to blame the scapegoat when the endless drama between the family members continues – even when the scapegoat is nowhere to be found.  The Scapegoat Walks Away’

Forest Bathing for Recovery From Trauma & The Litigation Therapy Racket, Lisa Nadig

MariaSoundOfMusicIn the opening scene of The Sound of Music, Maria sings “I go to the hills when my heart is lonely,  I know I will hear what I’ve heard before…”  The Sound of Music, Opening Scene  People have long known that being in nature is good medicine.  They didn’t need scientists or researchers to tell them that time spent outdoors, especially among trees, has countless health benefits.

Now science has caught up with this ancient wisdom.

Forest Bathing For Trauma Recovery  “Reconnecting to nature can be a powerful activity as part of trauma recovery and healing centered engagementPlaying in the dirt and walking barefoot heals us in infinite ways. Forests and natural landscapes expose us to healthy bacteria, sunshine, and phytoncides (chemicals released by trees that are known for their ability to improve our immune responses).  Forests decrease stress hormones and rumination and regulate our heart rate and blood pressure.”

Grandville, MAForest BathingForest bathing is based on an ancient Japanese cultural respect and reverence for the natural world and the interactions with the landscape that occur as a result. Shinrin-yoku (lit. “Immersion in the Forest Air”) is an experience that lets people be mindfully present with the surrounding forest. The sights, sounds and smells of the environment support and comfort each person as they literally “bathe” in the forest air.”

And for those of us who are survivors of Therapist Abuse by court shrinks paid for by the highest bidder, we know too well the trauma when these so-called “professionals” – the lawyers, court doctors, court therapists and hired gun evaluators –  trap and re-traumatize us in their lucrative litigation therapy racket.  Forcing a trauma victim to sit in their office re-living traumatic memories while they bill by the hour, scribbling their notes, writing false reports for corrupt Child Reps, Guardian Ad Litems, and guns for hire custody evaluators.  Because you are court-ordered to do it.  How convenient for them.

The survivors of the Rwandan genocide who famously kicked out the Western mental health practitioners further illustrates the damage talk therapy can do to trauma survivors.  “As the Rwandan, paraphrased by Solomon, puts it: “Their practice did not involve being outside in the sun where you begin to feel better. There was no music or drumming to get your blood flowing again. There was no sense that everyone had taken the day off so that the entire community could come together to try to lift you up and bring you back to joy. Instead they would take people one at a time into these dingy little rooms and have them sit around for an hour or so and talk about bad things that had happened to them. We had to ask them to leave.”  Exporting trauma: can the talking cure do more harm than good?

RollingMeadowsCtI’ll never forget the corrupt Child Representative Natalie Koga’s Machiavellian sneer, and her arrogant, fake, sing-songy, patronizing voice:  “Lisa, you just need to try har-der in ther-a-peeee”.  Have you completed your “treeeat-meeent”?  While she lied and abused me in court.  Met secretly with my ex.  Harmed my child. Exploited my family.  Natalie Koga Confronted With Eye-Witness To Her Corruption

Dr. Daniel Fisher, who wrote Natalie Koga’s made to order false reports, repeated his mantra, in his saccharin-sweet, pretending to care “therapist” voice:  “How’s your “therapy” going?”  Probing for anything to pounce on, all the while, working for the other side. Dr. Daniel Fisher’s Misconduct, With Michael Volpe

Twilightzone1959And who could ever forget Dr. Fisher’s disturbing, cringe-worthy performance for a packed courtroom during one of his several days of false testimony!

Bizarrely, finishing his star turn on the witness stand, taking center stage while raising his chest into a stiff military posture,  he faced my ex-husband directly.  Then, with a grand flourish, GAVE HIM A FULL MILITARY SALUTE RIGHT IN THE FRONT OF THE COURTROOM! 

He remained “at attention” for a full two seconds, then suddenly remembering himself, flustered, looking down, eyes darting about.  My ex-husband beamed with delight as Dr. Fisher tottered off  the “stage”.  Natalie Koga rewarded him by giving him even more inappropriate power and control over our lives.

As a treating therapist, it was against the law for Dr. Fisher to take on multiple roles.  But he used this as spring-board, becoming an unofficial parenting coordinator, custody evaluator, and suddenly in charge of all of the parties court ordered “therapy”.  Dr. Fisher already had a prior license sanction for the same misconduct in another case. Fisher_Redacted

Then there’s my ex’s hired gun custody evaluator Dr. Mark Goldstein.  My attorney had already caught Natalie Koga, Child Rep, and opposing counsel Meg Jackson conspiring to have him write a false report about me.  I felt like a lamb led to slaughter, while he crossed professional boundaries, plying me with inappropriate, sick questions.

tumblr_mu9qdnUdpk1rw872io4_500When I objected, he noted that I had an “anger problem”.  But his psychological testing showed the opposite, which of course he omitted from the custody evaluation, like the good little hired gun that he was.  When I showed the natural indignation of any normal, decent person to his disgusting questions, he wrote that I was “emotionally labile“.

And Judge Alfred Levinson’s perpetually red face from sipping out of his mystery container all day long, bellowing:  “Have you completed your therapy?” –  trying to make me look crazy – because the lawyers sitting up front waiting for their cases to be called saw his courtroom was a three ring circus. And the evidence I brought. Then Natalie Koga would lie some more – ignoring my therapy report as an excuse to label me uncooperative, and continue to completely bar any communication whatsoever between my son and I.

You see, just like Nurse Ratched in One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest, they aren’t in it to help people connect with their inner strength or heal from the trauma of abuse.  They aren’t there to cheer you on to re-build your life.

As hired gun crazy-makers, these “therapists” don’t encourage you to speak your own truth with confidence.   An empowered victim is the LAST thing they want.

They don’t advise you to walk on the beach, find the peace of the woods, garden, go barefoot savoring the cool grass between your toes, laugh, make art, go to concerts, further your education – or just take a break from endless talking about it – or anything else that challenges their power and control over their cash cows.

They WANT you continually stressed and traumatized.  They have no interest in your wellness.  They are not encouragers.

That would be counter-productive to the racket.

maxresdefaultThey are the bottom feeders of their professions who need you trapped, or they won’t have a job. 

Their JOB is to Gaslight the victim.  To put them off balance – to mess with their heads.  To re-traumatize them. 

To manufacture a “crazy label” for the victim in their Kids for Cash scam.  Hiding abuse, and keeping it going is big business.  And if they could, they would keep their cash cows trapped in their litigation therapy racket forever. 

After this pack of vicious predators got through with me, I understood how so many have been bullied to death in family court.  I went from being an award-winning professional opera singer singing in Carnegie Hall,  performing comfortably for two to three thousand people, to not even able to speak.  My brain knew what I wanted to say,  but I couldn’t make the words come out of my mouth.

10367137_811465682198562_816864177374600240_nI developed “Broken Heart Syndrome” with such severe chest pain,  I struggled with my teaching job.  I went from the woman doing it all, all the time – raising her child mostly alone, running a teaching studio, singing, and maintaining a large wooded property – to bed-ridden, after these vicious people finished running me through their Kids for Cash machine.

JoDaviessCountryI knew that in order to survive, I had to go back to the country.  I fell asleep listening to the music of crickets singing.  Walked my dog in the rolling, wooded hills with the sun on my face.

I basked in the warm embraces of those who knew me best – the people who I grew up with – my family, friends and community.  This was emergency care to a soul shattered by my ex and his gang’s constant drumming of the vicious lie that I was an outcast, so why not take everything away from me anyway.

I couldn’t hold a job anymore due to the trauma of the legal abuse.  They succeeded in their goal of completely destroying me.  So I worked when I could, sometimes only an hour per day, clearing weeds 6 feet high, started a garden, and slowly resurrected a friend’s old house that had been vacant for 10 years.  I thought by saving my friend’s old family home, I just might save myself in the process.

And I slowly regained my ability to speak.  It took two years.  I set about the arduous task of rebuilding a life that my ex-husband and his gang of ruthless financial predators did everything in their power to destroy.

Plant-in-Sunlight-864x577So, go to the woods.  Let the vast, majestic strength and beauty of a forest place it’s loving arms around you.  And dance out in the sun!  Kick your shoes off.  Plunge your hands into beautiful, dark earth, get it under your fingernails, and plant a garden. Sing around the campfire, enjoy a few beers, roast some hot dogs, and howl at the moon!  

If you live in a city, and have to drive to nature, do it.  Just Do it-You’ll be glad you did!  Even large cities have nature reserves, walking trails, botanical gardens, and parks for their citizen’s tired, frayed nerves!

The great naturalist, John Muir, “father of our national parks” said:

forest-bathing-2-e1556293782134“The mountains are calling and I must go.
The clearest way into the Universe is through a forest wilderness.
Between every two pines is a doorway to a new world.
Keep close to Nature’s heart… and break clear away, once in awhile, and climb a mountain or spend a week in the woods. Wash your spirit clean.”

Abuse By Proxy: From Smear Campaigns to 3rd Party Stalking & Abuse, by Sam Vaknin

If you find that you have been manipulated and used to harm someone, by being recruited into participating in Abuse By Proxy, a Smear Campaign, 3rd Party Stalking or Abuse, you should know that you too have been a victim.  The blame in this situation lies with the original manipulator & abuser.

Abuse By Proxy: From Smear Campaigns to 3rd Party Stalking and Abuse

“Everything you Need to Know about Narcissists, Psychopaths, and Abuse – click on this link: http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq…

Abusers often use other people to do their dirty work for them.   If all else fails, the abuser recruits friends, colleagues, mates, family members, the authorities, institutions, neighbours, the media, teachers — in short, third parties — to do his bidding. He uses them to cajole, coerce, threaten, stalk, offer, retreat, tempt, convince, harass, communicate and otherwise manipulate his target. He controls these unaware instruments exactly as he plans to control his ultimate prey. He employs the same mechanisms and devices. (From the book “Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited” by Sam Vaknin – Click on this link to purchase the print book, or 16 e-books, or 3 DVDs with 16 hours of video lectures on narcissists, psychopaths, and abuse in relationships: http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/the…)

Our children have the inalienable right to their childhoods! They deserve so much more than having their only, irreplaceable childhood stolen and used as fodder by family court insiders and their cruel money-making racket. We must have accountability and oversight in our family courts, and put an end to their Kids for Cash schemes. All judges, lawyers and court vendors must be held accountable.“-Lisa Nadig

The Chaos Theory of Narcissistic Abuse, by Kim Saeed

Kim Saeed writes that within each cycle of abuse there is a moment where a change can be made, an opportunity, if you will to change the negative script that keeps repeating.  Perhaps every time an abusive incident happens we think (or hope) it will be the last and we will be saved from having to make a “hard decision”.  But according to this article, this is actually a chance, an opportunity to start a new pattern in life for our future.   What do you think?  .

IFrom:  The Chaos Theory of Narcissistic Abuse, by Kim Saeed

The One Who Will Be Abused After You

“Your abuser will find another person who shines brightly. Your abuser will wow his New Light with loving actions, sweet words; your abuser will seem to the New Light like a gift from heaven. The New Light will probably be a lot like you…..The New Light is no better than you. Sure, you may feel defeated right now, but your light is on the mend. You are coming back into who you are and always were. But your abuser’s New Light is on the way to darkness.”

The One Who Will Be Abused After You

Abusers and Their Flying Monkeys

“The narcissist’s enablers, are masters at overlooking red flags, blatant abuse, and the fact that the narcissist is causing and not resolving any of the problems, stating, “There are two sides to every story.”

It truly is amazing. And a victim needs to be stand even stronger still, as she takes on more nightmares in this narcissist’s drama. The target needs to be armed with defenses because she not only has to fight the narcissist and her own inner codependency issues; she also has to fight a myriad of other people whom she may have originally thought would be her allies or support system. The target ends up feeling like she has to climb a mountain with no tools, while those around her are gossiping about her and throwing rocks her way!

The Narcicisst’s Fan Club (aka Flying Monkeys)