“Once, I ran from fear so fear controlled me. Until I learned to hold fear like a newborn. Listen to it, but not give in. Honour it, but not worship it. Fear could not stop me anymore. I walked with courage into the storm. I still have fear, but it does not have me.“
I was forced to look directly into the face of evil, and I saw evil looking back at me. But I learned that telling the truth really does set you free – It might even save your life.
Seven years ago, on my birthday in 2014, I had no idea that my simple, anonymous blog post about a birthday cut off from my only child due to court licensed abuse, would morph into a website with the power to force the rich and powerful corrupt players in my Chicago family court case to resign. I only knew in my heart that day, celebrating my birthday alone, that I must express the inexpressible, because it was killing me. So, without any training as a writer, journalist, activist or web designer, I wrote my first article, Birthday Reflections, and published it here anonymously, on July 5, 2014.
But when the post exposing corrupt Child Representative Natalie Koga went viral, I began receiving anonymous threats to take this website down. Little did I know at the time that they were all facing investigation due to this exposure. But I will never be silenced by such bullies, and I have never accepted any payment for this website – a labor of love for fellow survivors.
Abusers know the best way to break a woman is by taking her Child. When an abusive man files for Sole Custody he gets it 70% of the time.
What began as a simple blog, developed into a comprehensive website. I’ve been contacted by people from all over the United States, and Europe, sharing similar stories, and thanking me for this site.
This site is searchable, organized under Categories and Tags. There are static “Pages” across the top, and Blog posts running down the right side.
It covers domestic abuse, legal abuse/court stalking, court corruption, Kids for Cash scams, the litigation-therapy racket, the billions of dollars in federal money for abusive fathers through the Federal Fatherhood Initiative driving these cases, the need for oversight/accountability for judges, lawyers, and court vendors, and cameras in the courtroom. Also included is information on Conservatorship and Guardianship abuse because Family Court crimes are frequently a gateway to Probate crimes.
It has comprehensive information on healing from trauma and corruption, including countless articles written by top experts, including Michael Volpe, Barry Goldstein, Tina Swithin, Doreen Ludwig, Sam Vaknin, Kim Saeed, and many others.
It also includes my own articles on healing, documenting the corruption in my own case, and others across the country. I’ve included case law, legal statutes, and lawsuits filed against corrupt officials, and abusive parents. There are Resources pages with hundreds of hours of researching and compiling valuable resources in one place.
Though when I started writing in 2014 this site was completely anonymous, my ex-husband and his vicious lawyers immediately began hauling me into court over it. Apparently, they didn’t want me to have a voice.
As my ex’s lawyer #6 abused, and harassed me on the witness stand, to my amazement, the corrupt judge was visibly moved by my writings. For a moment frozen in time forever etched in my memory, I saw a flicker of humanity, a flash of recognition that it was wrong. I saw the person he once was as a young man, or might have become, before he fell in line, “going along to get along” in the Cook County family court racket. Visibly shaken, he quietly excused me from testifying, and hurriedly dismissed their petition for sanctions against me.
But they kept hauling me into court to answer countless harassing motions, including four attempts to throw me in jail – all alone – because there had been so much legal/financial abuse that they ran me out of money for a lawyer.
It’s been a very long, tough journey, these past seven years. I’ve discovered things about corruption in our courts, and our government, that quite frankly, sometimes I wish I didn’t know. Dark, disturbing, ugly things that make it difficult for me to celebrate July Fourth or other patriotic holidays.
I’m grateful to the wonderful friends and mentors I’ve met along this journey. I’m inspired daily by their courage, and dedication to helping innocent people used by corrupt court officials and vendors in their pursuit of easy wealth without work – their Kids For Cash scams.
I’m profoundly grateful to the countless court victims – parents and children – who’ve stepped forward, trusting me with their stories.
The truth really does set you free – Veritas liberabit.
I’ve learned that I could survive the un-survivable – a gang – a cabal really – that tried with all their might to bully me to death through family court. I survived their threats, and stalking – both in and out of court – while being forcibly stripped of my humanity, to be used as a commodity in their scams. And I’ve learned to never stop speaking the truth, for it has the power to set you free. It might even save your life.
“If you can wait & not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don’t give way to hating…”
from “If” by Rudyard Kipling
It’s devastating to be forced into the role of someone’s scapegoat; to be used against your will as a toxic waste dump for the sins, shame, and “secrets” of others, a soul crushing, life-altering role nobody would ever sign up for. Yet, this is precisely how the Scapegoaters & Gaslighters want their target to feel.
It’s being confronted with the worst possible violations of social norms, morals, and ethical behavior. It’s looking that horrible behavior straight in the eye, and vowing never to treat anyone else that way. They teach us how not to be.
And then it slowly dawns on you that out in the “real world”, everyone else has seen through their crazy, shared delusions all along! That to everyone else, these people really “aren’t all that” like they think they are. Otherwise, why would they have to work so hard to convince you in the first place?
You slowly emerge from their darkness, and build relationships where you never have to worry about when the other shoe will drop, and you can feel anchored and secure. You form friendships with those who would never think of bullying you or playing mind games, because they don’t need to. People who enjoy lifting you up, who give and receive love with no hidden agenda.
It’s becoming someone who survived a holocaust you weren’t meant to survive. The perpetrators certainly didn’t expect you to, but somehow you did.
And with the knowledge that you really can survive anything – even people trying to bully you to death through family court – you realize you’ve become someone who’s not afraid of any challenge life can throw your way, because deep inside you know you’ve already survived the very worst abuse anyone could possibly dole out
And then you finally see that this is The Gift you’ve been given – the knowledge of your own personal power in the face of sheer, unadulterated evil – and you’re grateful for it.
“Although the strengths of the narcissist family scapegoat make her a target, they are also her salvation. Her ability to see and question along with her desire for justice enable her to escape the family tyranny while others cannot. And her capacity for empathy, so unlike that of the grandiose and compassionless narcissist, gives her the ability to form healthy and fulfilling relationships beyond her family of origin. The scapegoat’s redemption is breaking free.”https://www.huffpost.com/entry/the-strength-of-the-scapegoat-in-the-narcissist-family_b_58b27448e4b0658fc20f9678
“In biblical lore, Aaron selected a goat on behalf of the entire tribe, cast upon it the sins of all members, and then banished it alone to the wild. The members of the tribe were then at great ease, having been freed from their cast-off sins—whatever those sins may have been.” The Blameless Burden: Scapegoating in Dysfunctional Families
A manipulative family bully with so-called secrets to try to hide aided the family court corruption, to provide a much needed distraction for open secrets that were blowing up in her face. Forcing her family to shun me accomplished her goal: create a diversion. Glomming onto my documented abuser’s smear campaign became the perfect distraction.
Slandering, and shunning someone is designed to tarnish their name, and cause emotional pain – to silence them. And if they heap enough group hatred onto the scapegoat, maybe – just maybe – they can numb their own shame and regret.
But never being allowed to confront your accusers is how the game is rigged. Could you imagine if they allowed the scapegoat back into their midst, to inform everyone of the facts conveniently missing from their stories? After they refused my invitation to join me in mediation, as well as numerous other attempts to communicate over the years, I finally faced the stark reality that they NEED a scapegoat.
Beginning when the first child was just a baby, we were forced to hear our parent’s despair about him coming to their care with bruises. It was torture to watch, as the family bully’s children were neglected and abused, a never-ending nightmare. I took care of the family bully’s children for years, while she lived her secret life, and her spouse was too beside himself from her actions, to care for them himself. Everyone in the family had to take care of these children due to her intense preoccupation with her secret activities. Finally, in desperation, the eldest begged me to teach him how to cook so they wouldn’t keep going hungry in their home.
But my parents lived in fear of her threats to “take the children out of state” if they challenged her, walking on eggshells for years, talking about calling DCFS, then trying to get the other set of parents to call for them, fearing her threats. Everybody was looking for a “fall guy” to take her wrath.
When this was dropped at my door, I did what they discussed for years. I called DCFS. And so, I became the bully’s target, with my parents too afraid to admit that calling DCFS was their idea in the first place. Also omitted from the family narrative, is the school social worker’s statement I was justified in calling DCFS, and the teacher’s aide who said they stood and cheered.
This family bully’s spouse landed on my doorstep, a total mess – utterly destroyed, and reported chilling accounts of violence that caused me nightmares for weeks. He related how she bashed his front teeth in and he needed them replaced, along with other accounts of ongoing violence whenever he dared challenge her “secret” life. Finally, everything made sense: his black eyes over the years, while he lowered his gaze in shame with flimsy excuses about “running into the barn door“, the bruises I saw on the younger girls, my parent’s reports of bruises on the children, and eye-witness accounts of physical abuse in front of their homes.
But when it came down to doing anything to protect them, both of my sets of parents talked about it endlessly, but finally putting their heads in the sand, thinking it would be better to have the children abused nearby, than face her wrath, and possibly even have the children taken out of state.
“Bullies within the family, especially female bullies, are masters (mistresses?) of manipulation and are fond of manipulating people through their emotions (eg guilt) and through their beliefs, attitudes and perceptions. Bullies see any form of vulnerability as an opportunity for manipulation.”
“A favourite tactic of the bully in the family is to set people against each other. The benefits to the bully are that: a) the bully gains a great deal of gratification (a perverse form of satisfaction) from encouraging and provoking argument, quarreling and hostility, and then from watching others engage in adversarial interaction and destructive conflict, and b) the ensuing conflict ensures that people’s attention is distracted and diverted away from the cause of the conflict.”
“The family bully encourages and manipulates family members etc to lie, act dishonestly, withhold information, spread misinformation, and to punish the target.” A Favorite Tactic Of The Bullies In Our Family-Set People Against Each Other
“Publicity is justly commended as a remedy for social and industrial diseases. Sunlight is said to be the best of disinfectants; electric light the most efficient policeman.” From: Other People’s Money, Louis D. Brandeis, Supreme Court Justice
“The entire family watches on in dismay as the scapegoat informs the family that they will no longer be abused by them, and wants nothing more to do with them… Life becomes difficult for the narcissistic family when the trash can leaves. However, it becomes harder to blame the scapegoat when the endless drama between the family members continues – even when the scapegoat is nowhere to be found. The Scapegoat Walks Away’
“Many families who resort to scapegoating are headed by narcissistic parents who lack personal awareness, and empathy for their target, as in their eyes, the target is there to serve their false image and make them look good. So the purpose of scapegoating is to allow families to carry on unhealthy behavior patterns, and maintain the myth of normalcy, without having to look inward or take responsibility for a toxic environment. To the outside observer – and possibly the Scapegoat – these families seem crazy making and delusional.”