Category Archives: Better Training in Domestic Violence for Judges, Lawyers & Court Vendors

Michael Volpe Investigates: On Action Radio Talking Court Reform and More

“I appeared on Action Radio this week to talk about reforming family courts with several victims of family court. We come on in the third hour. The ladies who joined me talked about providing training for judges, particularly in learning to recognize domestic violence.

This is something I steadfastly oppose.

I said on the program, “if judges need to be trained, then the problem is how we train judges.” There have been many laws popping up in the US- Greyson’s Law, Kayden’s Law, Kyra’s Law, and others- which include some form of training for family court judges. I noted in the broadcast that a new law, Piqui’s Law, is moving through the state legislature in California right now which also includes training for judges.

The problem is that training for judges means more money put into the system. Most judicial training is useless like the junket I covered in North Carolina.

The problem has never been that judges lack training; instead, judges enjoy too much power…”

https://michaelvolpe.substack.com/p/on-action-radio-talking-court-reform?fbclid=IwAR2WmU5_eDszX_V_dDEZnGMIaNYhq_rxttA-P6lqYIt71SxrgqzXvQINwtg

The Truth about the Custody Case Getting International Media Attention, The Women’s Coalition


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The Truth about the Custody Case Getting International Media Attention Mom Raped as Teen Loses Custody to Rapist; Daughter Reports He Raped Her Too Women’s Coalition Jun 19 Crysta and daughter; Judge Jeffrey Cashe International MSM [MainStream Media] is reporting a Louisiana mother’s case as “shocking”, “baffling”, and “confounding”, with expressions like “How could this possibly happen?” They are portraying as bizarre a judge giving a rapist father custody when it happens all the time in family courts around the world. The only shocking thing about Crysta’s case—to those of us who know Family Court—is that the judge got caught enabling the sexually assaultive father. MSM is typically loathe to place blame on judges in custody-cases-gone-wrong and look for other scapegoats. Many are focusing on law enforcement’s failings in Crysta’s case.[To take part in activism on this case, see below.]

CRYSTA’S STORY In 2005, when Crysta was 16, she was raped by a 30 year-old man. That is automatically statutory rape, no judge or jury needed to establish that fact. But Crysta was afraid to report it as a teen and instead allowed people to believe a boyfriend had gotten her pregnant. Six years later, in 2011, the rapist found out he was the biological father of the girl and filed for custody. Crysta’s attorney never informed her she could file charges against the father just assumed it was too late. She was led to believe she had no choice but to allow the rapist into her daughter’s life. The rapist was granted shared custody, despite the undeniable, mathematical fact he had raped Crysta, which could not have escaped the judge’s notice. A few years later, the rapist was ordered to pay child support. Not long after, he filed for 50/50 parenting time in an apparent effort to reduce his child support and perhaps to gain more control. It worked.Judge Jeffrey Cashe granted the rapist’s request for 50/50 and ordered Crysta to make child support payments to him. Later, when she fell behind, her rapist filed a motion to put her in contempt, which Cashe granted. In 2015, Crysta’s trauma counselor informed her it was not too late to file criminal charges against her rapist. So she reported the rape to the local Sheriff, who proceeded to bury it. This fits the pattern of law enforcement aiding and abetting Family Court in covering up sexual abuse by fathers.

THE COVER UP Although the cover up of Crysta’s statutory rape began in 2015 after she reported it to law enforcement, the cover up of her daughter’s abuse began in earnest earlier this year, according to court documents. On February 23rd, Crysta’s then 15 year-old daughter returned from a visit with her father and told her mother he had sexually assaulted her the previous two nights. Crysta took her to the hospital, where they medical evidence of sexual assault was documented. She was interviewed at a Children’s Advocacy Center; criminal charges against the father pended blood and testing results. The next day, Crysta filed for a Restraining Order [RO] with a supporting declaration asserting her daughter had disclosed her father had physically and verbally abused her and threatened to kill her, as well as having sexually assaulted her more than once. Apparently a temporary RO was granted. But on March 21st, the father filed an ex parte (meaning no hearing was held) motion requesting sole custody on the grounds that Crysta had given her daughter a cell phone (which Crysta denies). The ongoing phone issue appears to have been an effort by the father to monitor communications. At the ex parte, Judge Cashe ignored the reports by the daughter that the rapist had physically and verbally abused and sexually assaulted her.  He granted sole custody to the rapist and restricted Crysta to supervised visits.  That is the primary way judges enable paternal sexual assault and cover it up. A common tactic is to give fathers sole custody “temporarily” at an ex parte hearing pending a trial, as Cashe did. The trial is then continued and delayed until the children have been at the abusive father’s so long they are either sufficiently threatened or Stockholmed into saying they want to live with the father. Or the judge rules it’s in their best interest to keep them there after all that time.Judges often order supervised visitation where mothers and children are monitored by a supervisor to make sure they do not talk about the father’s abuse, as Cashe did. They are told they cannot talk about abuse or they will not be able to see each other again. A long-time supervisor says the majority of supervised visitations are not to protect children from abusive fathers, but to silence mothers and children who have reported abuse by the father. I feel like I’m the victim in the situation and I’m being treated and harassed like I’m the criminal.

JUDGE JEFFREY CASHE Judge Cashe had sealed the records, another common tactic in service of the cover up of paternal abuse. It was only when the media pressured him that he unsealed them Wednesday evening, which exposed the cover ups of both the mother’s and daughter’s assaults.

This is not the first time Judge Cashe has given an abusive father full custody. After losing custody to the abuser, a mother filed a complaint with the Judiciary Commission of Louisiana, a citizen of the United states I have the right to a fair trial and due process. I’m a mother trying to protect her 7 year old son and his best interest. Judge Cashe knew exactly what he was doing when he gave the rapist father sole custody, but it is important for the public to understand that he is not an outlier. Most judges uphold the age-old, patriarchal prerogative to sexually access one’s children, in order to maintain their status and privilege within the Old Boy Network. Everyone in Family Court, including Crysta’s own attorneys, went along with Judge Cashe in keeping the father empowered and entitled. It was only when she found advocate Stacie Tiche that things began to turn around.Stacie Tiche, Crysta’s advocate(left); Crysta (right)[The father] should have never been given any rights to the child at all.Stacie Tiche, Crysta’s advocateSTATUS OF TWO CASESThe Sheriff has issued a video statement admitting his deputy “screwed up” the investigation of Crysta’s statutory rape case. He appears to have been made the fall guy for the whole mess, taking focus off Judge Cashe. He’s now sent that case to the District Attorney for investigation, with no mention of investigating the daughter’s reports of sexual assaults.The DA doesn’t have any choice but to charge for Crysta’s staturory rape, but there will likely be a sweet plea deal. There has been no word on the DA charging in the daughter’s reports of at least two sexual assaults. The rape kit appears to have either disappeared, was not tested, or the results buried.DA’s almost always go along with the Family Court cover up of paternal sexual assault—at least with middle to upper middle class white men—as that is part of the overall multi-systemic entitling of men in their family. But with all the media attention, the DA may actually do the right thing and charge Crysta’s daughter’s identified rapist.I just want my daughter home safe and my perpetrator out of our lives for good. My quality of life has suffered tremendously and [this custody case] has bankrupted me.While much media focus is on the criminal case, Judge Cashe said there is not enough evidence of the daughter’s abuse, before even having a hearing on it. There is a hearing on custody in July.First of all, it is illegal to give a child who is a result of a rape to the rapist, so it is not just the teen’s reports of sexual assaults that are at issue. If the teen is saying her father raped her and there is medical evidence corroborating it confirms it, to say there is not enough evidence is just wrong. Only preponderance is necessary in a custody case. This shows the problem is that judges can rule however they want, regardless of the evidence.There is no need for yet another custody hearing. The permanent RO should have been granted to Crysta and can be granted immediately. Since it was illegal for Crysta’s daughter to have been given to her rapist in the first place, an immediate reversal of custody judgment should be ordered.But, even with all the international outrage, Judge Cashe is still forcing Crysta’s daughter, who is now said to be 16, to stay living full time with the rapist, who is likely continuing to abuse and threaten to kill her, all the while being kept away from her loving mother.It is a widespread mistaken belief that when children turn 12, they can live with the parent they choose. Not so. In practice, the father can keep children against their will until they are 18.“SOMETHING MORE GOING ON”It seems like they are protecting him, like there’s something more going on that I don’t know about.Most mothers, like Crysta, who have had the misfortune to find themselves in Family Court, think there must be “something more going on”. It just doesn’t make sense that a judge would ignore substantial evidence of a father’s abuse and switch custody to him.What women don’t realize is that their case is rigged before they even set foot in the courtroom. They don’t realize Family Court is designed to perpetuate male entitlement in the family, especially the fathers’ rights to sexually and otherwise exploit their children.They do not realize they are sheep to the slaughter until it’s too late and they have lost custody of their precious children. And there is nothing they can do about it because the judge has all the power.The Women’s Coalition exists in large part to warn women of this sad state of affairs: that there is no way to keep or protect our children in Family Court, and that we must demand an entirely new system that actually provides due process and equal protection in contested custody cases.ACTIVISMCAMPAIGN TO CASHEIf you’d like to give Judge Jeffrey Cashe a piece of your mind:Call: (225) 686-7461 [voicemail: first press 1; then press 8 for Judge Cashe]Email: lbankston@21stjdc.orgExample:Judge Cashe, I am with The Women’s Coalition and we are disgusted that you took Crysta’s daugher away from her and gave custody to her rapist. You said there is not enough evidence of the sexual assalut of her daughter when there is physical evidence. You need to protect her immediately and allow her to live with her mother. Thank you.ALERT THE MEDIAAlert your local/national media to the truth about Crysta’s case and ask them to do a story on the thousands of mothers who’ve lost custody to an abusive ex/father. Be sure and let them know it is systemic male entitlement/discrimination against women that is causing the Custody Crisis as documented by The Women’s Coalition.You can refer them to these other current cases for examples: LacieSarah MarieRosario, and Elizabeth.You can link to this article and to the Coalition website for more information.SEXUAL ABUSE CASESThe Women’s Coalition is documenting custody cases that involve sexual abuse to support our contention that judges are deliberately disregarding evidence of abuse and enabling fathers.If you reported sexual abuse of your child in Family Court, please take a minute to fill out this form. You may do this anonymously.

IN OTHER NEWS

Thanks to everyone who attended hearings, signed petitions and contacted DA’s in the cases of: LacieSarah MarieRosarioKristina and Elizabeth.

Regrettably, the Family Court judges have not returned their children yet, nor have the DA’s dismissed charges. You can still contact them to request they do.

It is good to let these child abuse enablers know we are watching and will hold them accountable come election time.


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AMother’sHeartSongsUnsilenced Turns Seven: Why I Write, Lisa Nadig

#nataliekoga #exposethecorruption

I was forced to look directly into the face of evil, and I saw evil looking back at me. But I learned that telling the truth really does set you free – It might even save your life.

Seven years ago, on my birthday in 2014, I had no idea that my simple, anonymous blog post about a birthday cut off from my only child due to court licensed abuse, would morph into a website with the power to force the rich and powerful corrupt players in my Chicago family court case to resign. I only knew in my heart that day, celebrating my birthday alone, that I must express the inexpressible, because it was killing me. So, without any training as a writer, journalist, activist or web designer, I wrote my first article, Birthday Reflections, and published it here anonymously, on July 5, 2014.

But when the post exposing corrupt Child Representative Natalie Koga went viral, I began receiving anonymous threats to take this website down. Little did I know at the time that they were all facing investigation due to this exposure. But I will never be silenced by such bullies, and I have never accepted any payment for this website – a labor of love for fellow survivors.

Abusers know the best way to break a woman is by taking her Child. When an abusive man files for Sole Custody he gets it 70% of the time.

What began as a simple blog, developed into a comprehensive website. I’ve been contacted by people from all over the United States, and Europe, sharing similar stories, and thanking me for this site.

This site is searchable, organized under Categories and Tags. There are static “Pages” across the top, and Blog posts running down the right side.

It covers domestic abuse, legal abuse/court stalking, court corruption, Kids for Cash scams, the litigation-therapy racket, the billions of dollars in federal money for abusive fathers through the Federal Fatherhood Initiative driving these cases, the need for oversight/accountability for judges, lawyers, and court vendors, and cameras in the courtroom. Also included is information on Conservatorship and Guardianship abuse because Family Court crimes are frequently a gateway to Probate crimes.

It has comprehensive information on healing from trauma and corruption, including countless articles written by top experts, including Michael Volpe, Barry Goldstein, Tina Swithin, Doreen Ludwig, Sam Vaknin, Kim Saeed, and many others.

It also includes my own articles on healing, documenting the corruption in my own case, and others across the country. I’ve included case law, legal statutes, and lawsuits filed against corrupt officials, and abusive parents. There are Resources pages with hundreds of hours of researching and compiling valuable resources in one place.

Though when I started writing in 2014 this site was completely anonymous, my ex-husband and his vicious lawyers immediately began hauling me into court over it. Apparently, they didn’t want me to have a voice.

Natalie Koga pushed the judge to allow my ex to file 8 custody petitions, reducing my Child & I to mere commodities in their Kids for Cash scam.

As my ex’s lawyer #6 abused, and harassed me on the witness stand, to my amazement, the corrupt judge was visibly moved by my writings. For a moment frozen in time forever etched in my memory, I saw a flicker of humanity, a flash of recognition that it was wrong. I saw the person he once was as a young man, or might have become, before he fell in line, “going along to get along” in the Cook County family court racket. Visibly shaken, he quietly excused me from testifying, and hurriedly dismissed their petition for sanctions against me.

Separating children from their mothers is big business. Billions$ in Federal Fatherhood funding drives these cases, along w/ an abuser’s drive to use litigation to punish his victim for leaving & avoid child support payments.

But they kept hauling me into court to answer countless harassing motions, including four attempts to throw me in jail – all alone – because there had been so much legal/financial abuse that they ran me out of money for a lawyer.

It’s been a very long, tough journey, these past seven years. I’ve discovered things about corruption in our courts, and our government, that quite frankly, sometimes I wish I didn’t know. Dark, disturbing, ugly things that make it difficult for me to celebrate July Fourth or other patriotic holidays.

I’m grateful to the wonderful friends and mentors I’ve met along this journey. I’m inspired daily by their courage, and dedication to helping innocent people used by corrupt court officials and vendors in their pursuit of easy wealth without work – their Kids For Cash scams.

I’m profoundly grateful to the countless court victims – parents and children – who’ve stepped forward, trusting me with their stories.

The truth really does set you free – Veritas liberabit.

I’ve learned that I could survive the un-survivable – a gang – a cabal really – that tried with all their might to bully me to death through family court. I survived their threats, and stalking – both in and out of court – while being forcibly stripped of my humanity, to be used as a commodity in their scams. And I’ve learned to never stop speaking the truth, for it has the power to set you free. It might even save your life.

From One Mom’s Battle: Domestic Violence By Proxy

“A Message from OMB’s President (Rebecca Davis Merritt) and Vice President (Jennifer) about Domestic Violence by Proxy: You have probably seen OMB’s informational poster about why we advocate not using the term or “theory” of Parental Alienation. We post it once a month encouraging our readers to understand that the controlling behaviors of Cluster B parents in trying to place a wedge between the children and healthy parent is Domestic Violence by Proxy. The emotional abuse of a Cluster B is domestic Violence (DV). When a Cluster B personality disordered individual enters the family court system they wage war upon the healthy parent.

They may have been absent parents never attending school, medical or dental appointments but suddenly they attend everything, preening as the doting father or mother and may push for custody. Custody is seen as a prize. The goal is to hurt the healthy primary parent and save money via child support calculations.

As part of that push they groom children to see their healthy parent as untrustworthy and self-centered (projection), with divorce or separation their fault while portraying the Cluster B parent as wounded and needing the children to shower him or her with love and affection. Children often respond to this gaslighting by siding with the abusive parent. The Cluster B parent often blames the healthy parent for his or her own actions, claiming parental alienation (PA). If the children distrust Cluster B parent based upon a history of abusive behaviors, this estrangement is labeled as PA. The healthy parent, unfortunately, is at serious risk of losing custody  in family court.

Men who physically batter their former partner are much more likely to gain custody than the healthy parent.  Courts have been taught that women claiming DV in family court are usually lying and using this false claim to secure custody. Even when DV claims are accepted, courts falsely believe DV only affects direct victim and that abusers can be good parents to their children. Once Cluster Bs have the children away from the healthy parent, they use manipulation and other forms of abuse to convince the children that their other parent never loved them and are untrustworthy. Alina Patterson (2003) first defined Domestic Violence by Proxy or DV Proxy. DV Proxy is a pattern of behavior where a parent with a history of using domestic violence, or intimidation uses the child (as a substitute) when s/he does not have access to the former partner. Continuing the cycle of domestic violence, the cycle of Domestic Violence by Proxy starts when the victim leaves the abuser and the abuser learns the easiest way to continue to harm and control the former partner is through controlling access to the children.

Once the abuser has control of the children they are able to continue stalking, harassing and abusing the former partner even when the abuser has no direct access. DV can manifest in ways such as threats to the children if they display a close relationship with the former partner, destroying the children’s favorite possessions given by the former partner and emotional abuse. Children are often coached to make false allegations about the parent.DV by proxy is very deliberate and planned. The abusers know what they are doing and chose their controlling, coercive, and illegal behaviors. The behaviors are usually surrounded by threats and fears and often include “battery, destruction of property, locking children in rooms to prevent them from calling parents, falsifying documents, along with other similar overt behaviors.”

As the leadership council suggests, “Calling this behavior “parental alienation” is not strong enough to convey the criminal pattern of terroristic behaviors employed by batterers.” Unlike Gardner’s discredited PAS theory, the behaviors associated with DV by proxy are visible. Gardner stated the behaviors by the “alienating parent” were unconscious or unseen. This is one of the scarier components in Gardner’s theory because you cannot defend yourself against unseen things. Many healthy parents have found themselves trying to defend themselves against these unseen behaviors.

Family court professionals often fail to understand the presence and implications of both domestic violence and Cluster B psychopathology. Thus family court usually encourages unfettered access of the children to abusers. Family court judges and lawyers often work to punish healthy parents reporting bona fide abuse. Yet, they often seem to believe the victim stories told by abusers. Court officials often seem slow to recognize how family court itself can be abusive, particularly protracted, repeated, unnecessary court hearings used by the abuser to drain the financial and emotional resources of the healthy parent. Children may be placed with the abuser while the healthy parent is discredited through accusations of mental illness or PA. Other professionals involved including GALs, evaluators, therapists, etc. often take on responsibilities that are beyond their skill level. Antisocial and or Narcissistic personality disordered parents with good impression management skills are adept at “conning people, or gaining sympathy, and can win the trust and support of a family court professional while turning that same person against their ex-partner.”

The main goal of the abuser is s/he will end up with complete control over the children and will use this power over his former partner, “who tried to escape the power and control of the once abusive marriage.” They do not care if the children are harmed as long as their former partner is hurt and they feel they have won. It is imperative that the healthy parent and attorney understands how to use DV by proxy to counter and claims of parental alienation.

The following links may also be helpful: http://www.thelizlibrary.org/liz/Hoult-PASarticlechildrenslawjournal.pdfhttps://www.leadershipcouncil.org/1/pas/dv.htmlhttp://www.dvleap.org/Programs/CustodyAbuseProject/PASCaseOverview.as 

###One Mom’s Battle: Our mission at One Mom’s Battle is to increase awareness of Cluster B personality disorders (Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Antisocial Personality Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder) and their impact upon shared parenting and the Family Court System which includes Judges, CPS workers, Guardian ad Litems (GAL), Parenting Coordinators (PC), Custody Evaluators, therapists and attorneys. Education on Cluster B disorders will allow these professionals to truly act in the best interest of the children.

History of One Mom’s Battle: In 2009, One Mom’s Battle began with one mother, (Tina Swithin), navigating the choppy waters of a high-conflict divorce in the Family Court System. Since then, it has turned into a grassroots movement reaching the far corners of the Earth. Tina’s battle spanned from 2009 – 2014 during which time she acted as her own attorney. Ultimately, Tina was successful in protecting her daughters and her family has enjoyed complete peace since October 2014 when a Family Court commissioner called her ex-husband a “sociopath” and revoked his parenting time in a final custody order.Tina Swithin: Tina Swithin’s books are available online at Amazon (print, Kindle or audio format). Each year, Tina offers life-changing weekends of camaraderie and healing at the Lemonade Power Retreat.  Tina also offers one-on-one coaching services and a private, secure forum called, The Lemonade Club, for those enduring high-conflict custody battles.”https://www.onemomsbattle.com/blog/domestic-violence-by-proxy

Domestic Violence by Proxy

Protective parents: Terms matter in the legal arena.

ABUSER, not NARCISSIST. Child abuse and domestic violence are crimes; the result of choice, not caused by mental illness or personality disorder. An abuser may also have a personality disorder, but this isn’t what causes the abuse. Calling abusive people “narcissists” reinforces legal excuses to ignore crime. Those suffering from personality disorder deserve respect, help, and support. Perpetrators of inter-family abuse suffering from personality disorder first need to encounter meaningful legal restriction before a violation of social boundary is established, the first step in their treatment.

Those suffering due to perpetrated inter-family abuse should not be subjected to mediation/ADR/psychological tests that register trauma as pathology/court-ordered co-parenting classes/referred to as a High Conflict litigant.

Domestic Violence by PROXY, not ALIENATION. Using the term Alienation-saying that a coercively controlling abusive parent is Alienating the children reinforces the myth that this behavior is more common and less serious than it actually is in contested custody cases, which adds fuel to the training organization’s fire that training in this legal tactic is justified.

Instead of adding the multitude of domestic violence cases to reinforce the legal excuse that allows abuse to be ignored by using this mild term, which doesn’t adequately represent a potentially fatal pattern of coercive control, the use of terms like Domestic Violence by Proxy child abuse or inter-family coercive control establishes advocacy for child protection and child safety in our courts.

http://www.leadershipcouncil.org/1/pas/DVP.html?fbclid=IwAR1R0GvcIOSLoGLv5NdlUUmlYr643TvZLAWzC4O9vUHg-8eyWdhahXcL3uA

Abusive Power And Control

The following is an excerpt of an excellent resource on Abusive Power And Control behaviors from Wikipeda. Please see the link at the bottom of this excerpt for the complete article. It does a great job of showing many of the power and control tactics used by abusive, controlling, and manipulative people in one short article. It is also helpful in that it lists what most would consider as “positive behaviors”, i.e. doing “nice things” for someone. Most articles on abuse, power and control, and coercive control focus on the overtly negative behaviors, but leave out these positive behaviors that are also used to coerce and control others.

However, it does omit Suicidality. Many abusive, controlling and manipulative people also use threats of suicide as a means of coercive control, emotional abuse and blackmail. These suicidal threats can be overt, or more subtle references to suicide, with a manipulative, controlling intent.

Abusive power and control (also controlling behavior and coercive control) is commonly used by an abusive person to gain and maintain power and control over another person in order to subject that victim to psychologicalphysicalsexual, or financial abuse. The motivations of the abuser are varied and can include devaluationenvy, personal gain, personal gratificationpsychological projection, or just for the sake of the enjoyment of exercising power and control.[1]

Controlling abusers use tactics to exert power and control over their victims. The tactics themselves are psychologically and sometimes physically abusive. Control may be exerted through economic abuse, limiting the victim, as they may not have the means to resist or leave the abuse.[2] The goal of the abuser is to control, intimidate, and influence the victim to feel they do not have an equal voice in the relationship.[3]

Manipulators and abusers often control their victims with a range of tactics, including, but not limited to, positive reinforcement (such as praisesuperficial charmflatteryingratiationlove bombingsmilinggifts, attention), negative reinforcement (taking away aversive tasks or items), intermittent or partial reinforcement, psychological punishment (such as naggingsilent treatmentswearingthreatsintimidationemotional blackmailguilt trips, inattention) and traumatic tactics (such as verbal abuse or explosive anger).[4]

The vulnerabilities of the victim are exploited with those who are particularly vulnerable being most often selected as targets.[4][5][6] Traumatic bonding (also popularly known as Stockholm syndrome) can occur between the abuser and victim as the result of ongoing cycles of abuse in which the intermittent reinforcement of reward and punishment creates powerful emotional bonds that are resistant to change and a climate of fear.[7] An attempt may be made to normaliselegitimiserationalisedeny, or minimise the abusive behaviour, or blame the victim for it.[8][9][10]

Isolationgaslightingmind gameslyingdisinformationpropagandadestabilisationbrainwashing, and divide and rule are other strategies that are often used. The victim may be plied with alcohol or drugs or deprived of sleep to help disorientate them.[11][12] Based on statistical evidence, certain personality disorders correlate with abusive tendencies of individuals with those specific personality disorders when also compiled with abusive childhoods themselves. [13]

The seriousness of coercive control in modern Western societies has been increasingly realised with changes to the law in several countries so it is a definable criminal offence. In conjunction with this there have been increased attempts by the legal establishment to understand the characteristics and effects of coercive control in legal terminology. For example, on January 1, 2019, Ireland enacted the Domestic Violence Act 2018, which allowed for the practice of coercive control to be identifiable based upon its effects on the victim. And on this basis defining it as: ‘any evidence of deterioration in the physical, psychological, or emotional welfare of the applicant or a dependent person which is caused directly by fear of the behaviour of the respondent’.[14] On a similar basis of attempting to understand and stop the widespread practice of coercive control, in 2019, the UK government made teaching about what coercive control was a mandatory part of the education syllabus on relationships.[15] While coercive control is often considered in the context of an existing intimate relationship, when it is used to elicit a sexual encounter it is legally considered as being a constituent part of sexual abuse or rape. When it is used to begin and maintain a longer term intimate relationship it is considered to be a constituent element of sexual slavery.” https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abusive_power_and_control

Are You In A Trauma Bonded Relationship?

Trauma Bonding Relationships

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Jo Yurcaba・October 12, 2020

“A trauma bonding relationship is reflective of an attachment created by repeated physical or emotional trauma with intermittent positive reinforcement, according to licensed psychologist Liz Powell, PsyD. Put simply, in a relationship with trauma bonding, there’s “a lot of really terrible stuff happening and then occasionally really great stuff happening,” they say.

Trauma bonding isn’t limited to happening in just romantic relationships, either. It can also happen in dynamics that include fraternity hazing, military training, kidnapping, child abuse, political torture, cults, prisoners of war, or concentration camps, Dr. Powell says…..” https://www.wellandgood.com/trauma-bonding-relationship/

Domestic Violence by Proxy from One Mom’s Battle

“When a Cluster B personality disordered individual enters the family court system they wage war upon the healthy parent. They may have been absent parents never attending school, medical or dental appointments but suddenly they attend everything, preening as the doting father or mother and may push for custody. Custody is seen as a prize. The goal is to hurt the healthy primary parent and save money via child support calculations. As part of that push they groom children to see their healthy parent as untrustworthy and self-centered (projection), with divorce or separation their fault while portraying the Cluster B parent as wounded and needing the children to shower him or her with love and affection. Children often respond to this gaslighting by siding with the abusive parent.

Once the abuser has control of the children they are able to continue stalking, harassing and abusing the former partner even when the abuser has no direct access. DV can manifest in ways such as threats to the children if they display a close relationship with the former partner, destroying the children’s favorite possessions given by the former partner and emotional abuse. Children are often coached to make false allegations about the parent.

DV by proxy is very deliberate and planned. The abusers know what they are doing and chose their controlling, coercive, and illegal behaviors. The behaviors are usually surrounded by threats and fears and often include “battery, destruction of property, locking children in rooms to prevent them from calling parents, falsifying documents, along with other similar overt behaviors.” As the leadership council suggests, “Calling this behavior “parental alienation” is not strong enough to convey the criminal pattern of terroristic behaviors employed by batterers.”

The main goal of the abuser is s/he will end up with complete control over the children and will use this power over his former partner, “who tried to escape the power and control of the once abusive marriage.” They do not care if the children are harmed as long as their former partner is hurt and they feel they have won.”

COMPLETE ARTICLE:  Domestic Violence by Proxy

Learned Helplessness

Learned Helplessness is a common challenge for survivors of trauma, controlling or toxic relationships, abuse, and exploitation.  The survivor has learned through repeated experience, that in order to stay “safe”, they must not challenge the status quo.  That they have no power over their situation anyway and must flip into freeze mode.  They go numb to what is happening around them.  Pretty soon this numbness is the go-to mode.  There is no more of the natural fight or flight response.  It has become eliminated.  Only freeze remains.

People who feel powerless to change their adverse circumstances quite naturally become depressed.  But Depression only worsens the feelings of helplessness and powerlessness.  Depression colors our world grey, narrows our focus to the point we can no longer see any shades of light or possibility.  Depression and Learned Helplessness feed off of one another, and the cycle is perpetuated.

Hurtful, toxic relationships, controlling people, abusive, demeaning and traumatic situations do not empower us to be the best versions of ourselves, to think and act powerfully and authentically for ourselves.  They do the opposite.  They ensnare us into becoming dis-empowered, ineffective, cowering, hesitant, over-thinking, emotionally frozen and helpless servants of the agendas of others.

In order to heal, and become self-actualized individuals – to become our best, most effective selves, we must be able to live free of controlling, toxic, and negative situations.  Like a plant in an overcrowded garden starved of sunshine and nutrients growing spindly, crooked and malnourished, so the survivor becomes stunted by learned helplessness.  Only when the plant is freed from overcrowding can it bask in the sun and be completely nourished, and grow to full potential.  Only when people can live in peace and freedom, can they begin to have their needs met, and begin to grow, learn, and peel back the layers of helpless, ineffectual thought and behavior patterns that were learned over time.

Though it is a process, we can learn new ways of thinking.  We can learn new approaches to living, decision-making, identifying and working towards our own goals, and self-development.  When we make our own needs and self-care a priority, we can gradually un-learn helplessness.  Our brains have great plasticity, and our own confidence, courage, effectiveness and empowerment can be re-learned.

Some articles on Learned Helplessness:

Medical News Today: Learned Helplessness

Learned Helplessness and C-PTSD

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Justice For All Task Force, Detroit, 2/24/2020

“Victims of domestic violence and protective parents do not have equal access to justice nor do they have access to equal justice in our family courts in this State.”

Photo: Michigan Supreme Court-Chief Justice Bridget Mary McCormack, Justice Stephen J. Markman, Justice Brian K. Zahra, Justice David F. Viviano, Justice Richard Bernstein, Justice Elizabeth T. Clement, Justice Megan K. Cavanagh.

Justice For All Task Force – Michigan-Detroit, February 24, 2020

Brave Michigan Survivors of Domestic & Legal Abuse confront the reality that Mothers are not allowed to protect their children from abusive fathers, despite overwhelming, irrefutable evidence of abuse by the father.  That “father’s rights” trumps all, child safety, health & well-being doesn’t matter, the right of children to have their Mothers parent them doesn’t matter, the rights of Mothers to their own children do not matter in Michigan.  None of it matters and it must change now!!!!

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