Be considerate as you live with your wife with respect I Peter 3:7
Call your wife ‘blessed’ and praise her. Proverbs 31:28-29
Do not be harsh with your wife. Colossians 3:19
A good father would never dream of destroying the mother of his child because in doing so, he is destroying his child. Good fathers honor and respect her as the giver of life. A good father understands that the children are forever connected to their mother, that she is a part of them, and would never deprive them of her. A good father understands that he cannot provide all that the children need, and that they need her unique wisdom, and support. A good father understands that the child’s ability to have healthy and happy relationships depends upon preserving the relationship with their mother.
Good fathers don’t slander the mother of their children. They are too busy improving themselves and their own lives to cut someone else down, especially their child’s mother.
A good father models moral, upright behavior for the children by honoring her, expecting them to do the same. And would never dream of encouraging the children to disrespect or demean her in any way.
Good fathers would never dream of using the children as props during a divorce, because good fathers are involved in the parenting work from the beginning. Therefore, there’s no need to manufacture a sudden interest in the work of parenting come divorce time. Good fathers understand that the mother’s career, education, and aspirations are just as important as his, and he values them. Good fathers share the parenting responsibilities, and would never dream of forcing her to sacrifice her dreams at the expense of his. Good fathers don’t use the mother of his children.
A good father would never isolate a child away from his only remaining biological grandparent, aunts, uncles, cousins and lifelong family friends just because they support the child’s mother. And only allow contact with the haters, who live under the control of the family bully. Who uses scapegoating as a diversion against her own secrets blowing up in her face. He would never join forces with the family bully against the child’s mother, while sowing strife and discord in her family. He would observe proper, healthy boundaries, step back, and focus on his own family of origin.
“A favourite tactic of the bully in the family is to set people against each other. The benefits to the bully are that:
a) the bully gains a great deal of gratification (a perverse form of satisfaction) from encouraging and provoking argument, quarreling and hostility, and then from watching others engage in adversarial interaction and destructive conflict, and
b) the ensuing conflict ensures that people’s attention is distracted and diverted away from the cause of the conflict
Bullies within the family, especially female bullies, are masters (mistresses?) of manipulation and are fond of manipulating people through their emotions (eg guilt) and through their beliefs, attitudes and perceptions. Bullies see any form of vulnerability as an opportunity for manipulation, and are especially prone to exploiting those who are most emotionally needy. Elderly relatives, those with infirmity, illness… are likely to be favourite targets for exploitation.
The family bully encourages and manipulates family members etc to lie, act dishonourably and dishonestly, withhold information, spread misinformation, and to punish the target for alleged infractions, ie the family members become the bully’s unwitting (and sometimes witting) instruments of harassment.
Bullies are adept at distorting peoples’ perceptions with intent to engender a negative view of their target in the minds of family members, neighbours, friends and people in positions of officialdom and authority; this is achieved through undermining, the creation of doubts and suspicions, and the sharing of false concerns, etc. This poisoning of people’s minds is difficult to counter.
A good father knows that his children need their mother. An over-sized ego and revenge for leaving him would never even enter his mind. Good fathers honor all that she gave and sacrificed to raise and nurture the children. He would be helpful, and supportive of her, and be so busy doing positive things in his life, he would never dream of destroying her life. He would wish her well.